Finding my new mission

Struggles of a returned missionary, part III

2012-01-30T05:36:00.000-08:00

This is more backstory -- I'm trying to take you up from January to where the story actually starts, in maybe June or July. Because the fact that it didn't happen in January or March or May is also a story

Luckily in the days and weeks after my mission I was very good about my journal-keeping, which helps me to tell a tale broader than memory.

I carried my journal - one of those 80-page spiral-bound college-ruled notebooks, with me everywhere – almost lost it twice, too. Filled two of them up between January and June. A lot more than I filled up in subsequent weeks.

Reading it today is interesting. It was only a year ago, and looking back on it, I often shake my head. My otherself seems impossibly eager and excited – I’ve become more burned-out and cynical, segmented between a Sunday Christian and a work persona in whose day-to-day life the gospel lacks relevance.

I shake my head.

I feel like I made some mini-Faustian bargain.

On the one hand, I get the “management consulting experience” with technical skill development. On the other, I accept negative job-related factors (being at the bottom of the totem pole with no one watching out for me, a stress-filled work environment, long hours), that seem to bleed over into my spiritual life.

Of course, some of these are just general first-job-out-of-college problems – I remember my friend Marisa recounting them to me.

I made an equation – Potential for Good = Desire x Skills. The second part of the equation is increasing while the first decreases.

Some of the differences I see in my old self:

The successes he notes in his journal, the things he’s excited about, are related to the duties he’s performing: home teaching, his calling. He brought Jenn to a home teaching visit with a sister and she really helped to break the ice. He is taking the authority he has in his FHE co-chair calling seriously and trying to be a gracious host and delegate tasks for people’s personal development.

He seems to have lots of free time – how did he keep up this journal? He is often pondering and meditating.

Meanwhile, I can see some crucial events in fast-forward, as January turns to February to March, April, May.

A job fair, followed by lots of practice consulting questions, following by descriptions of the people I met and my interviews at Mars & Co, followed by my offer and acceptance. I was pretty stressed and worried about it at the time, though of course reading it at the time it seems like “of course it happened this way.”

Scripture study, of course – Institute was going through the Doctrine and Covenants. While I often take notes on scripture study in classes, I rarely if ever find anything useful in my notes when I review them. Maybe just by writing it down, I helped get it into memory, but maybe I need to take more complete notes of fewer points.

I describe wonderful and happy times with Jenn. Then these start to be interspersed with doubts and worries about our communication and whether we’re right for each other. Finally, the last predominate, and by May we break up. That happens, and I come up to San Francisco to scout out a new place to live after graduation. I find the place where I’m living now, the room with the bed on which I’m laying now.

Struggles of a returned missionary, part II

2012-01-28T23:30:00.000-08:00

December 16, 2010. -- I get the typical farewell interview. Thank you for your service, bearing of testimony, and of course, the mention of what my next goal should be. But take the time and find the right girl, my mission president told me in the soft-spoken way he has.

December 22 -- I arrive back home -- long story. I hit the ground running.

December 28 -- breakfast date with my friend Beth. I’d corresponded regularly, if platonically, with her over the last two years.

My parents, who hadn’t been happy with my choice to go on a mission, welcomed me back with love and joy. My mom said that I seemed like a calmer, more mature person than when I left two years ago.

December 30 -- flew back to Stanford.

First week back: met the elders’ quorum president in the Stanford ward, who had already Facebook friended me. Was called in by the bishop and extended a calling as the FHE co-chair. Wrote up a set of goals – reading my scriptures, going to church, doing my home teaching. “KIPs for a Post-Mission Life,” I called it. Stuck it up right next to my bed. (Yeah, a bit full of myself.)

A bunk bed, in an apartment I shared with two other members of my posse from my pre-mission days.

Life wasn’t perfect, but it was familiar. Date, check. KIPs, check. Friends and familiar faces, check. I even went “finding” at a multi-stake New Years’ Eve party. (successfully -- met a girl there who I went on a couple dates later)

Kept rolling.

Next week, Friday. January 7, 2011.

Normally on Stanford campus, we have Friday Forum, kind of a social hour with lunch for the LDS students on campus. My first Friday back, I wasn’t sure where it was, so I called my friend Jenn who I had known before leaving. “It’s cancelled this week,” Jenn told me. “Oh,” I replied. “Umm…want to grab lunch then?”

Two Fridays later, we at one of those artsy place where you paint glaze on ceramics, and then they fire them up for you. I had carefully selected the location for a fun, joint activity. In her car on the way home, I asked her nervously if she wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend, in something like those terms.

“I would like that,” she said, slowly, thoughtfully.

I wasn’t sure how to ask her, and I don’t think she was quite sure how to respond, but it still seemed to work out reasonably well.

It was Jan 21 - a month, minus a day, since I had gotten back.

Not even a whole transfer.

Struggles of a returned missionary, part I

2012-01-15T17:23:00.001-08:00

This is a new series I'm starting on. Don't expect to see things neatly wrapped in a bow here. They're messy and untidy and complicated. Kind of like life. Hope you can relate to it.

“As we begin to understand that the first principles and ordinances of the gospel are the way to the abundant life,” reads a well-highlighted part in my Preach My Gospel missionary manual, “we will appreciate that these principles help answer any question and fill any need.”

The statement is repeated a couple of sentences later: “The gospel can resolve almost any question or need.”

When I was a missionary I made an activity based on this idea for when we visited members: I would write out a few pieces of paper with situations or needs, have them draw one, and have them list a couple of gospel principles that would apply to it.

“Building a strong family,” read one slip. “Eternal marriage,” the chorus would go, along with “law of chastity" and a more occasional “repentance” or “forgiveness.”

I’m not so sure that the gospel can resolve any question or need anymore. At the very least, it's more complicated. Let me explain.

The gospel definitely solves some problems pretty well.

I mean, think about those people you know, who lost a brother, sister, husband, wife. If you were a missionary, maybe you looked into their eyes and told them “I know you will see your son again.”

Or they had a physical handicap. And you read Alma 40:23 with them: "the body shall be...in its perfect form" “not a hair of the head shall be lost” and all that.

Or sin and forgiveness, or addiction recovery.

One of my investigators, we’ll call him Justin, wrestled with the question of forgiveness for his substance addiction. He knew it was wrong, so he got depressed, so he took more. So he got depressed again. His father relapsed into his alcoholism as a result of Justin’s behavior – at least according to Justin – which compounded the situation. My companion and I isolated this problem and followed up with him every day. To make a long story very short, it worked.

In econ-speak, we might call these low-hanging fruit. They are questions which the gospel paradigm answers well.

Other questions, the gospel provides answers, but less well.

For example: how can teenagers navigate the perils of their age group?

We have “I am a child of God” and modesty as a response to body and self-image issues; the Word of Wisdom instructing us to abstain from drugs, and the law of chastity emphasizing no sex before marriage. We even have “For the Strength of Youth” standards for some of the other issues, like friends, appropriate media, dating, and so forth.

But (generally) what teenagers want isn’t really any of these things, except incidentally. They really want to have friends, to be accepted.

Sure, if they consciously follow these standards for a while (or violate them and feel really guilty) they will probably appreciate the benefits. Even so, it requires lots of small details that must be learned from others, or need social support. What do you do on Friday night? How do you nicely reject sexual advances? It’s really hard and lonely to figure out that stuff out by yourself.

Well, duh, you’re probably thinking. What’s your point?

My point is that the answer to the question “how can teens navigate the perils of their age group” is highly dependent on other people.

(This was something I learned in practice as a missionary when a couple of the teenage guys I brought to church stopped coming because they didn't make any friends)

And so, in an imperfect world, in an imperfect ward, imperfect people will get imperfect answers to this question.

And I’m just getting started here.

Other questions the gospel answers even less well.

For example, many of the questions I currently need answers to go something like this. “I am trying to sort this data in Excel, but it is in a table format with rows and columns and thus I can’t put it in a PivotTable. What should I do?”

Unsurprisingly, the gospel doesn’t provide a lot of guidance in answering that question.

Or consider this one:

“I often spend my days at work on the computer performing repetitive tasks and often get distracted. This results in me being less productive and happy. Also frustrated at myself. What should I do?”

What answers does the gospel have for that? Prayer didn’t really work. Neither did putting the Mormon Tabernacle Choir on my headphones. But Katy Perry did work --

So when evening comes and I’m walking home from work, I’m humming “Teenage Dream” -- “We drove to Cali/And got drunk on the beach/Got a motel and/Built a fort out of sheets.”

Great.

Transition periods, part II

2011-08-31T20:25:00.000-07:00

This was my day today:

10:30am, receive an e-mail from my colleague John telling me to investigate further on some research I was doing and figure out the identity of an unnamed company described in a study. Start working on it.

12:15p.m.; text my friend Simon to make sure ultimate Frisbee is still on this evening. Yep, he replies. 7:00 at Berkeley, which means I’ll need to leave work at 6:00 to be safe and 6:15 at the latest. I’d brought a change of clothes and everything.

1:30, start to get frustrated because I’m not getting any definite results.

3:00, meeting with John. I’m very frustrated because I wish I had a silver bullet, but all I have to show is a hunch after four and a half hours of work. Feeling frustrated because I have nothing to show – though I don’t really admit it at myself at the time -- I keep surfing on the computer for more information until 3:06, making me ten minutes late.

4:30, after the meeting with John I come back and do some more work. At this time I finally find – if not a silver bullet, then a bronze bullet. My mood changes dramatically. I was moderately listless, annoyed, irked and frustrated; a grimace and pressed lips dominated my face. Now I’m excited.

My movements start to accelerate as my attention peaks. I get up, walk over to the kitchen area, and eat some almonds I keep in the cupboard. Then I go sit down. Then I get up and go to the kitchen to refill my water. Then I drink my water, and go sit down again. I work for two minutes, then I repeat the pattern. I do all this, if not in doubletime, then at one-and-a-half-time.

I start to realize what happened and sketch out the evidence I’ve accumulated so far on a piece of paper. As I start writing, I see the details that I’m missing and get more information on that.

5:30, By this time of sketching, I realize I have five slides worth of circumstantial evidence; and I’ve pretty much made my case solid. John’s going to heading off to New Orleans tomorrow afternoon, and I promised him I’d have drafts by noon so he could take a look before he took off. I frantically start putting together mock-up draft slides so I can go give them to the production assistants in the morning. I’m doing double-time now, rifling through my scrap paper pile looking for a blank sheet and the closet, looking for a roll of tape.

6:05, I lay out my five mock-up slides on my desk, and slap my desk, which probably makes my neighbour Kim wonder what I’m doing. I guess it’s some sense of excitement and a sense of accomplishment, not that it was a conscious decision.

6:12, I’m downstairs, having attempted to cut off another woman trying to leave the building twice without thinking about it, I’m in such a hurry to get to the BART station. I decide to call Haley, another friend, to confirm the Ultimate game is on. “I’m pretty sure it’s not,” she tells me. “The people who usually organize it sent out an e-mail that they won’t be organizing it today.”

6:20, I call Simon to get the organizer’s phone number, as I tap my fingers on a pole waiting at the BART/Muni station. The ride is 25 minutes minimum, plus waiting time, plus walking time to the church, maybe another 10 minutes. They will probably leave at 7:00, and they don’t know to wait for me.

I text Simon again when he doesn’t text me the number fast enough. I call the organizer; he doesn’t answer. I text him. I’m at a crossroads -- one way goes home, another way goes to church, where I could go for Institute class, another way goes to Berkeley for the game. Todd doesn’t text back. I wait. I wait for maybe five minutes. I decide I can’t wait, and walk downstairs to take the Muni home.
I start reading a book. I get through a few pages on the ride.

7:05; I get back, see my landlord at home, pay him the rent check

7:15: I try to read, can’t concentrate, go and warm up some dinner, and have half the plate eaten in a minute when……I stop.

What am I doing?

I’m still doing what I was doing an hour, hour and a half ago on the elevator down from my office or at the Muni station. I’m still in a hurry. I was reading one of those books that invites you to ponder and reflect, but I wasn’t. I was just reading pages. I saw my landlord so I immediately thought of something I could do related to him and I did it. I saw my food and started doing something related to it, namely eating it, as fast as I could.

But, wait, I don’t need to be doing that anymore. I don’t need to be in a hurry, but I still am. “Breathe,” I tell myself, recalling an experience from my childhood.
Before every chess tournament I played, before probably every game, my mom would squat next to me, pull my small body close to hers, look me in the eye, and tell me, “Think.” It was code for don’t-make-stupid-mistakes-because-you’re-in-an-artificial-hurry; take a breath, calm down, and evaluate the situation, and then respond.

This is really interesting, I wrote the post on Transition just a couple days ago, and (aided by using WhatchaDoing to track my moods ) already I am finding examples aplenty.

A side story, which I'll explore a bit later when I get some more data, is about the value of introspection. I'm good at introspection, but often am way too self-conscious and thus shier and less confident than optimal.

Solution: in addition to introspecting better when needed (like above, when eating dinner), learn to NOT introspect when that's needed.

Turn off my self-consciousness, worrying what other people think of me, and especially my tendency to mentally kick myself, when the situation demands. For example, when dancing.

Easier said than done, of course, but I'll be working on that. Feel free to ask me how it's going.

Special offer: if you ask me about this, in person, more than a week from now, I will buy you a bagel, donut, coffee, or half of a meal. (I value reminders.)

Transition periods.

2011-08-28T17:21:00.000-07:00

“For a period of time, almost all my chess errors came in a moment immediately following or preceding a big change. For example, if I was playing a positional chess game, with complex maneuvering, long-term strategic planning, and building tension, and suddenly the struggle exploded into concrete tactics, I would sometimes be slow to accommodate to the new scenario. Or, if I was playing a very tactical position that suddenly transformed into an abstract endgame, I would keep on calculating instead of taking a deep break and making long-term plans.

I was having trouble with the first major decision following the departure from prepared opening analysis and I was not keeping pace with sudden shifts in momentum. My whole chess psychology was about holding on to what was, because I was fundamentally homesick. When I finally noticed this connection, I tackled transitions both in chess and life. In chess games, I would take some deep breaths and clear my mind when the character of the struggle shifted. In life, I worked on embracing change instead of fighting it. With awareness and action, in both life and chess my weakness was transformed into a strength.” – Josh Waitzkin, p. 75-76, The Art of Learning

I really like this quote and have been noticing this in the last couple of weeks. At one point we were just wrapping up a project – I had gone through information-gathering to assembling and distilling, made some slides, editing them, and was on some pretty minor copy edits, when a new avenue opened up that we hadn’t really seen before. My colleague asked me to explore that avenue; I did, of course, but it was sort of uncomfortable, being suddenly shunted from tying up loose ends to blazing a new trail.

How is it different?

I’m still figuring that out, but I often listen to music when I know what to do – when I’m looking at red-inked slides and deleting a comma or changing a couple of words; when I know what the data is supposed to look like and am formatting it; when I know the slide that I want to make and am implementing it.

On the other hand, if I need to think and introspect, to plot my next steps, I can sit back in my chair, sit there and stare at the computer, go walk up and down some flights of stairs, or whatever, but I need to be alone with a problem, and I can’t have threads flying around where my attention might grab onto and run away. Ie, I can’t listen to music.

The interesting thing is, I didn’t really realize this consciously until now. I’d just have music on, and suddenly I would think ‘Aah, I can’t concentrate’ and turn it off. Of course, I couldn’t concentrate before, but I didn’t need to.

There are lots of applications, of course, to my current life in which I've been living in a new city (I've been in SF for the last 2 months at my new job) and all the people I know well are in different places.

Another interesting thought: in chess, you are basically thinking all the time. There are a few occasions where you know exactly what you’re going to do, like in the opening few moves or a couple of brief sequences. But in these cases the opponent generally knows exactly what he’s going to do too. So you move fast, he moves fast, you move fast, and suddenly you both don’t know what to do anymore and have to think about it again.

On the other hand, there’s a lot of times I have to think in my work – but there’s lots of times I don’t really have to think very hard. ‘Okay, I need to make a list of all the different steps in manufacturing solar cells and all of the different companies involved.’ ‘Okay, so I’ll read all the Wikipedia articles, do lots of obvious Google searches and type the relevant part names and company names into Excel and merging cells accordingly.’ And that takes me like the next hour. During which I don’t actually need to think very hard – once I realize what I need to do, doing it is trivial – but unlike in chess, takes time.

Rules of Evidence

2011-07-24T11:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people need to learn the rules of conditional probability.

A story that I read went as following (not 100% sure if this is true but seems to kind of line up with the evidence).

"In the famous murder trial, OJ Simpson matched a blood test that 1 out of 1,000,000 people match. Johnny Cochrane's defense was along the lines of "There are six men walking around LA who could have killed Nicole Brown."

Yes, but the chance that OJ is guilty given that he matched the blood test AND she is his ex-wife is way better than 1 in 6.

Cut to today and Amy Winehouse's death.

Police said the cause of her death is being treated as "unexplained," rejecting speculation that she died from a drug overdose as "inappropriate."

Of 27 year old women who die suddenly and unexplainedly, I'm not sure what the proportion of "drug overdose" is. I'm going to guess one out of 20 or so -- heart attacks and strokes aren't terribly common in this age demographic.

But given that Winehouse used heroin, cocaine, ecstasy, and alcohol, at the same time....the probability that Amy Winehouse died of a drug overdose is a lot higher that one in 20.

"I was desirous that they should not be destroyed"

2011-07-22T00:35:00.001-07:00

Thursday night, 8:30, in a long-sleeve shirt in a cold, windy, 55-degree evening in San Francisco. Standing outside with a bunch of friends from church, who all met up at Off The Grid. Great convo with a guy I met named KC.

KC: I mean, I flew out to New York and saw the Book of Mormon musical the first night it was out. It was absolutely amazing. You know, it was profane and sacreligious and all that. But the details – they got them all right. The baptismal dress. Immersion. Shout outs to Abinadi. The Jospeh Smith – they dressed him up in exactly the costume from the visitor’s center – they went to Salt Lake for that.

But a few things, a few lines; this one stuck in my head.

“These people, who had nowhere else to turn – we gave them something amazing.”

I was on exchange with the elders, and we were teaching this girl, who was telling us how she went to college, was kind of disenchanted with the party scene, and came for a while back to San Francisco to figure her life out. She was getting all teary-eyed, asking what her purpose is.

And that’s the line that came into my head.

"These people, who had nowhere else to turn – we gave them something amazing.”

Some church members, I guess it bugs me when they just kind of trash the musical unseen, without giving it any credit. And I can see where they’re coming from, I have a friend that’s serving in Uganada and I can see things from his side; and I’ve been a missionary. But still.

Me: What specifically are you frustrated about?

I mean, are you frustrated because you don’t want to argue with them but you feel they’re wrong? Are you frustrated because they’re coming off the wrong way by badmouthing it, and giving Mormons – and you – a bad reputation? Are you frustrated because you think they’re putting their spiritual progress in jeopardy by their attitude?

KC: Hmm...the best way that’s coming to me to describe this is from the Book of Mormon.

[pulls out his iPhone to the Scriptures app]

“I, Zeniff, having been taught in all the language of the Nephites, and having had a knowledge of the land of Nephi, or of the land of our fathers’ first inheritance, and having been sent as a spy among the Lamanites that I might spy out their forces, that our army might come upon them and destroy them—but when I saw that which was good among them I was desirous that they should not be destroyed.” (Mosiah 9:1)

This guy, he’s sent out to spy, to figure out how the Lamanites can be destroyed so the Nephites can get their land back. But he gets there and says – heck, there are good things here. Good people. And I don’t want them to be destroyed.

I have been among these people. A spy, so to speak. And yes, I see their blasphemies and their idolatry. But I also see the good in them. And I don’t desire for them to be destroyed.

[Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God. -SB]

Chosen, but also called

2011-05-20T13:26:00.000-07:00

Another writing that has influenced me: the book of Amos, in the Old Testament.

After reading Eugene England’s “Good Literature for a Chosen People,” this quickly became my favorite book of the Old Testament.

England explains the context and appeal of this book far better than I, so here we go. This is specifically written to Latter-day Saints but relevant to everyone.

VERY EARLY IN OUR HISTORY, we Mormons began to identify ourselves symbolically with ancient Israel as a chosen people….But being "chosen" seems not so much being choice, better than others, but rather being called or selected and then asked not only to live better than all the others, but to try to be a blessing to all those others too. The Israelites had trouble with this complexity. They liked the choice part of chosen and often forgot the called part.

Perhaps the central burden of the so-called literary prophets of the Old Testament is to remind Israel that they are chosen by God in order to serve him in a special way so they can bless others, that rather than favoring or excusing them, he holds them especially accountable.

The classic example is Amos, a "herdsman" from the hills just south of Jerusalem, who about 750 B. C. was called by God as a prophet to preach repentance to the Israelites, the chosen people. He went to Bethel in the Northern Kingdom, whose people thought themselves, because chosen, not only superior to the non-Israelites, but also better than their cousins, the people of Judah in the south.

In what might be called the "Amos strategy," the Lord through his prophet uses the people's pride in being chosen to set them up to be especially affected by his message of repentance.

God first condemns the Gentiles for their idolatries: "For three transgressions of Damascus, and for four, I will not turn away the punishment thereof" (Amos 1:3), he declares, and then he continues the refrain to condemn all the Israelites' pagan, idolatrous neighbors, Gaza, Ammon, Tyre, Moab. We can imagine the crowd murmuring its agreement: "Amen, brother Amos, amen."

Then the Lord condemns their neighbor Israelites: "For three transgressions of Judah, and for four, I will not turn away the punishment thereof; because they have despised the law of the Lord, and have not kept his commandments." We can imagine the shouts of assent at the threatened punishment of their hated relatives: "I will send a fire upon Judah, and it shall devour the palaces of Jerusalem." (Amos 2:5)

But now the prophet, at the height of the chosen people's self-satisfied judgment of others, turns the judgment of God on them: "For three transgressions of Israel, and for four, I will not turn away the punishment thereof; because they sold the righteous for silver, and the poor for a pair of shoes; That pant after the dust of the earth on the head of the poor" (2:6-7).

Being chosen, in this view, means being the ones known and taught by the Lord and, thus, the ones most responsible to keep his commandments and to be punished if one does not. It does not mean being better than others, by definition more righteous and blessed. It does not even mean simply knowing the correct forms of worship and having special priesthood power to perform them as the core of one's religion.

The Lord makes this painfully clear by saying, through Amos: "I hate, I despise your feast days, and I will not smell in your solemn assemblies. Though ye offer me burnt offerings and your meat offering, I will not accept them; neither will I regard the peace offerings of your fat beasts. Take you away from me the noise of thy songs; for I will not hear the melody of thy viols. But let judgment run down as waters, and righteousness as a mighty stream. .. . Woe to them that are at ease in Zion .. . That lie upon beds of ivory, and stretch themselves upon their couches, and eat the lambs out of the flock, and the calves out of the midst of the stall.. . but they are not grieved for the affliction of Joseph" (5:21-24; 6:1, 4, 6).

In other words, religious worship, even in the approved forms and with authority, is an offense to God if it is not accompanied by intense social morality— that is, by aggressive caring for justice and mercy in society, by compassionate grief for the afflictions of the poor and exploited.

We [Mormons] are satisfied with the one part of chosen, where, for instance, God calls us "the only true and living church upon the face of the whole earth, with which I . . . am well pleased" (D&C 1:30), but we forget the other part: "Ye only have I known among the nations of the earth; therefore, I will punish you for your iniquities" (Amos 3:2).

Our best writers, I believe, address themselves to both parts of chosen, our specialness and our special responsibilities. They both comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable and, at their best, do the comforting in part to be more effective at the afflicting.

Spontaneous order and the invisible hand

2011-05-20T13:10:00.000-07:00

Along with detailing some personal guiding principles, I'm going to post some of my favorite writings. These are a favorite topic of mine.

“I, Pencil,” Leonard Read, 1958.

This economics class features your friendly drawer-dwelling #2 as the narrator, explaining the fascinating fact that no single person in the world knows how to make him. Instead, he is produced by thousands of people each of whom brings a certain piece of knowledge to the table – how to mine graphite, how to log wood, how to design a pencil machine.

“Who feeds Paris?” Frederic Bastiat, from Economic Sophisms. (Google Doc, PDF)

“On coming to Paris for a visit, I said to myself: Here are a million human beings who would all die in a few days if supplies of all sorts did not flow into this great metropolis. It staggers the imagination to try to comprehend the vast multiplicity of objects that must pass through its gates tomorrow, if its inhabitants are to be preserved from the horrors of famine, insurrection, and pillage.

And yet all are sleeping peacefully at this moment, without being disturbed for a single instant by the idea of so frightful a prospect.”

Or consider this problem: try to design some set of metrics to calculate the relative social value of a Civilization IV CD, a bushel of apples, and living in a studio apartment in New York City for a month.

How do you do that? Even if you could, I could easily add fifteen more items to the list.

Any metric you design will take lots of time and still be relatively arbitrary and imprecise. To demonstrate this, ask an acquaintance to assign numbers to the same items and compare results.

The alternative solution: you could just use money.

Commonplace are laments about our financially-driven society, how everything is monetized, how some things like the Civilization IV CDs are priceless, etc, etc. But that’s somewhat like only realizing you have a body when you get sick.

For one thing, complaining as complaining isn’t conductive to happiness. For another, you can’t go lay out in the sun, play Ultimate Frisbee, etc if you don’t notice your corporeality.

Ideally, it seems we should be about equally able to recognize the value of money and its pitfalls. That a toaster can be produced and sold for $5 – our awe and gratitude should be written in our hearts. The many variations of the thought, “Money isn’t everything,” – they should be on the tip of our tongues.

The latter is practiced by almost everyone; the former, by few. I only learned through reading Bastiat and Read.

“Seeing around corners,” Joanathan Rauch in The Atlantic, April 2002.

An economist, a political scientist, and a programmer team up to make computer models of society. They create models of human beings and are able to replicate corrupt societies transitioning to honesty, racial self-segregation in America, Zipf curves for distribution of income and city size, a native American society’s ecological and civilizational collapse. Even genocide in Bosnia and Rwanda.

“I don't think I'm alone in finding this artificial genocide eerie,” writes the author. “The outcome, of course, is chilling; but what is at least as spooky is that such complicated—to say nothing of familiar—social patterns can be produced by mindless packets of data following a few almost ridiculously simple rules.”

The warning is clear. Spontaneous order is a two-sided coin.

Your life's greatest work is you

2011-05-08T07:31:00.000-07:00

I might blog a little bit about my scripture reading this week. Here, I'm going to quote one of my favorite talks called The Fourth Missionary by Lawrence Corbridge. (It's gated, but I have a copy so if you want one, comment, or email.) This is a really nice talk for missionaries about completely dedicating yourself to the work, but I'm just going to quote the part that's applicable to all of us.

---------

Your life's greatest work is you

You can choose what kind of person you will become. Do you think about that? Do you think about and plan for who you want to become?

As you entered the mission field you concluded one phase of life and began another. To this point many of you have had the protection and close support of family and church leaders and teachers. Now you have moved into a new phase of life on your own. You are essentially on your own. From this point on, you are wholly responsible for what you do and most importantly for who you become.

For the most part, your life is yet ahead of you. What will you do with it?

What will be your greatest work? What will be your most important creation?

I will tell you. Your greatest work: your most important creation is and will ever be you. What kind of person will you become?

By this I do not mean what role in life will you take. I don't mean will you be a cowboy, lawyer, surfer, homemaker, engineer, computer programmer, accountant or the like. I do not refer to what kind of car you will drive; what kind of clothes you will wear; what kind of house you will live in; what kind of spouse you will marry or what kind of family will you raise.

I mean, when all of that is removed and there you stand alone, who will you be? I mean, you.

What personality will you have; what strengths; what knowledge; what character; what emotional state; what presence; what qualities; what virtues? What will you look like? What will you sound like? What will it be like to be around you? Who will you be?

Envision and plan for your greatest work.

We plan many things in life. We each live in a house that was built from a plan. Someone first envisioned the house in his mind and a plan was then put to paper.

One of my sons had a poster picture of a Porsche Carrera on his bedroom wall. It is a beautiful creation. The lines and symmetry of its design make it a work of art in the opinion of some. That car began somewhere, sometime ago in someone's head. First, someone saw it in his mind and then put it to paper. Someone envisioned it; then plans were prepared, the work was done, and a beautiful car was created.

Some of you have carefully planned your education. You carefully planned your course selections over these past several years with a view toward college admissions and intended occupations.

All of you at some point made a plan to serve a mission, you followed that plan and here you are. Now, hopefully all of you plan the appointments, activities and goals of each day and week.

We plan many things in life. But, have you planned your greatest work? Have you envisioned who you will become? Do you plan for what kind of person you want to become? Can you see in your mind who you want to be? Do you know?

The choices

As you consider what kind of person you want to become, what choices do you have? The choices are more limited than what you might think. Here are most of the choices, but overall they are a choice between the qualities of light or the qualities of darkness:

Do you want to be powerful or weak?

Certain and confident, or afraid and insecure?

Comfortable with your self or arrogant and abrasive?

Do you want to be filled with light or darkness?

Do you want to have peace or conflict within?

Generous or selfish?

Influential or inconsequential?

Do you want to be free or be a slave?

Happy or miserable?

Do you want to be kind and loving, or mean and cruel?

Honest or dishonest?

Do you want to be forgiving or hard and unforgiving?

Knowledgeable or ignorant?

Do you want to be a person of faith or doubt and fear?

Trustworthy or unreliable?

Hardworking or lazy?

Do you want to be cheerful or despondent?

The first of each of these choices is an attribute of light. They are incorporated into your character as you choose to follow Christ.

Dynamic process; always changing

As you consider the question of what kind of person you will become, you must understand the dynamic process of life. You not only can change but you do change all of the time.

Sometimes people do not believe this. They excuse their failures and weaknesses by saying: "That's just the way I am." "I am just short tempered, impatient person." I can't get up in the morning. That's just the way I am." "That's my nature." Or, "I'm just shy. That's all. That's just who I am." "I am not really a spiritual person."

To believe that weaknesses and deficiencies in your character are unchangeable is to reject the central truth of the plan of salvation. You are not cast in stone. You not only can change but you do change all of the time. You are a dynamic, changing, evolving being. You are always changing. You never stay the same. You cannot stand still.

-----

Amen, Elder Corbridge, amen.

1 Nephi 8

2011-05-01T10:42:00.001-07:00

The tree of life.

I’ve read the tree of life narrative many times. The first time I read the Book of Mormon, I remember being impressed that this was something of substance, weight, not fluff. And this was in a read-through where I was like, “Well, this book is written from an interesting religious point of view. Hmm.”

A couple lessons stand out this time.

The first thing is that the fruit is experiential.

Ultimately, I believe – and hopefully you believe – because we tasted. Your dedication to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ doesn’t come because of carefully honed, convincing argument. Such argument perhaps establishes a climate for belief, but it is personal experience that leads to belief. Blake Ostler has a wonderful piece on this, entitled “Spiritual Experiences as the Basis for Belief and Commitment,” on YouTube or html.

The second thing is that this is real.

When it says that “there arose an exceedingly great mist of darkness, insomuch that they which had commenced on the path did lose their way,” I think of Suguna or Madhavi.

When it says that “after that they had partaken of the fruit of the tree they did cast their eyes about as if they were ashamed…and they fell away into forbidden paths,” I think of Suni or Jay Tony family.

This should help me love them more, judge (in the bad way) them less, and rekindle my desire to help them back on the path. Does it? I don’t know.

And when I read “they did point the finger of scorn at me, and those that were partaking of the fruit also, but we heeded them not,” I think of myself, or the person I hope to be and continue becoming.

My sophomore year, I was living in a dorm, coming to church and the elders were visiting me. One time, walking down the hall to the door and letting them in, I wondered what everyone else would think. I wondered if I should keep meeting them in my dorm. And then I remembered those words, about what happened to the people who were ashamed. I remember the thought dawning on me, and smiling to see the application of the words I had read.

Oh those beautiful words: “but we heeded them not.”

1 Nephi 2-5

2011-04-24T21:51:00.000-07:00

Look at Laman and Lemuel’s train of thought: “And they said he had done it [Lehi left Jerusalem] because of the foolish imaginings of his heart.” (1 Nephi 2:11)

I’ve heard people close to me criticize, for example:

- A friend ‘s decision to work and save for years in order to attend a college with others of the same high standards.
- Putting off college for two years to serve a mission
- Believing that Christ came to the Americas.
- Believing in God.

What stood out each of these times was the caustic tone of the person making the remarks. Reflecting, I hear an echo of Laman and Lemuel’s accusation: “the foolish imaginings of out heart.”

As I said before, I don’t think Laman and Lemuel are evil people, just misguided. This attitude seems to be timeless; let us remember that. (And keep in mind, of course, that sometimes our friends are right.)

I like Nephi’s progression. “And I, Nephi, returned from speaking with the Lord to the tent of my father.” (1 Nephi 3:1)

Hopefully, we will not simply “go to” but “return from speaking with the Lord to”:
- PEC meeting or Weekly Planning session
- a crucial business meeting
- a home-teaching visit
- a DTR talk (or family council with our spouse),
- or any other place where we have to make decisions.

More murmuring: “And thy brothers murmur, saying: it is a hard thing which I have required of them. But behold I have not required it of them, but it is a commandment of the Lord.” (1 Nephi 3:5)

Laman and Lemuel essentially “shoot the messenger” – getting mad at their dad for relaying what God wanted them to do. Why were they mad? Because they didn’t want to do it.

I really like Nephi’s example of likening. “Let us be strong like unto Moses: for he truly spake unto the waters of the Red Sea, and they divided hither and thither.” (1 Nephi 4:2)

"Let us go up, the Lord is able to deliver us, like unto our fathers, and to destroy Laban, even as the Egyptians.” (1 Nephi 4:3)

Let us (me) remember the scriptures and personal history to similarly live in sacred space. Let us (me) truly have the faith to expect miracles in our (my) everyday life. Perhaps not the big miracles but the small “line upon line” miracles. Let us understand precisely what we need – a dose of charity for an irritating coworker, a smile while meeting new people, a sense of humor with a troublesome child – and pray and work for that.

The Book of Mormon project: 1 Nephi 1

2011-04-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

After a friendly reminder from the bishop and a good Sunday school lesson, I've decided that I need to be more dedicated about my scripture study. I need to search them instead of simply reading. So I'm re-reading the Book of Mormon from the beginning, writing my insights in my journal, and blogging what I learn. So far I'm 7 out of 7 this week, up from too-glassy-eyed 4 or 5.

---------

So, from the beginning.

One of the big things I've been impressed with is that the Book of Mormon depicts ordinary people, being asked to do extraordinary things. Sure, there are lots of really good people, but I don't think above and beyond the people you meet in church on Sunday.

For example, look at 'murmuring' and the general level of rebelliousness. Laman and Lemuel aren't evil, they're just really stubborn and prone to anger. They try to kill Nephi because they see his plan as completely ruining their life -- and there are a lot of people that would behave similarly.

Or, who 'murmurs.' Lehi murmurs when the steel bow breaks and he thinks they are all going to starve. Sariah murmurs when she thinks Laban has killed all of her sons. Laman and Lemuel murmur all the time, of course -- the only person who doesn't murmur is Nephi. And my journalistic guess is that he wasn't always perfect either but he was writing the record so we don't get to hear about it. (Except in lament form in 2 Nephi 4.)

The action in 1 Nephi 1 begins with some strange scenes, including Lehi seeing a vision and throwing himself on his bed. Not much of a catchy lede, is it?

Stephen Covey makes the point that private victory precedes public victory. Wars are won in the general's tent. Anger and malice are quieted in the heart before others observe a changed countenance. The events of Gethsemane gave Christ the courage he needed for Calvary and completed the triumph of the empty tomb that first Easter morn.

In 1 Nephi 1:20 we have the first "thus we see" passage. These form somewhat of a series of thesis statements [PDF, but a really good one], and this is the first one.

"But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance."

“I believe, because I want to live in that reality.”

2011-03-23T18:33:00.000-07:00

In science-fiction novelist Orson Scott Card’s Homecoming saga, his character Nafai makes the case for belief in God against a skeptical interrogator.

“I believe the Oversoul, because I want to live in the reality that [I have seen.] In which lives have meaning and purpose. In which there’s a plan worth following. In which death and suffering are not in vain because some good will come of them.”

This is really personal to me. It describes my frame of mind as I was “investigating” – ie, going to church and deciding whether I believed and wanted to join.

To me, wanting to live in that reality did not make me believe, but it made me "investigate." To keep going to church, read the scriptures, keep praying.

Here's the full quote:

“If I wanted to doubt, then I could doubt endlessly,” said Nafai. “But at some point a person has to stop questioning and act, and at that point you have to trust something to be true. You have to act as if something is true, and so you choose the thing you have the most reason to believe in, you have to live in the world that you have the most hope in. I follow the Oversoul, I believe the Oversoul, because I want to live in the world that the Oversoul has shown me.”

“Yes, Earth,” said Moozh scornfully.

“I don’t mean a planet, I mean – I want to live in the reality that the Oversoul has shown me. In which lives have meaning and purpose. In which there’s a plan worth following. In which death and suffering are not in vain because some good will come of them.”

“All you’re saying is that you want to deceive yourself.”

“I’m saying that the story the Oversoul tells me fits all the facts that I see. Your story, in which I’m endlessly deceived, can also explain all those facts. I have no way of knowing that your story is not true – but you have no way of knowing that my story isn’t true.

"So I will choose the one that I love. I’ll choose the one that, if it’s true, makes this reality one worth living in. I’ll act as if the life I hope for is real life.”

Another story: after I had spiritual experiences persuading me to believe, I read a lot of convincing arguments calling my faith into question.

I then spent about 100 or 200 hours sorting through it all, finding counterarguments for some points, found additional points to bolster my faith, and accepted that I didn’t have any good counterarguments for some points.

I also did a lot of things I didn’t perfectly understand at the time. Most prominently, going on a mission. (I understood it was important, but had no idea of the full picture.)

What was the point? Why spend so much time and energy?

Because I wanted to live in the reality that I had seen.

This is not all of faith, choosing to believe based on the world one wants to live in. But they are the crucial, hopefully rare, moments, when you refuse to break and wait patiently for your strength to return.

There are indeed times when “a person has to stop questioning and act, and at that point you have to trust something to be true.”

(Is this a form of Pascal's Wager? Maybe, but this form seems tenable.)

Here’s the full quote with context.

“Don’t make me laugh, Nafai,” said General Moozh. “You’re far too bright to believe this. Doesn’t it occur to you that maybe the Oversoul is manipulating you?”

“The Oversoul doesn’t lie to me,” he said.

“Yet you say it has lied to me all along. So we can’t pretend that the Oversoul is rigidly committed to truthfulness, can we?”

“But it doesn’t lie to me.”

“How do you know?” asked Moozh.

“Because what it tells me…feels right.”

“If it can make me forget things – and it can, it’s happened so many times that…” His voice petered out as Moozh apparently decided not to delve into those memories. “If it can do that, why can’t it also make you, as you say, ‘feel right’?”

Nafai had no ready answer. He had not questioned his own certainly, and so he didn’t know why Moozh’s reasoning was false. “It’s not just me,” said Nafai, struggling to find a reason. “My wife also trusts the Oversoul. And her sister, too. They’ve had dreams and visions all their lives, and the Oversoul has never lied to them….”

Nafai wanted to be able to explain to him why he wanted to follow the Oversoul. Why he knew that he was freely following the Oversoul; why he knew that the Oversoul wasn’t lying to him or manipulating him or controlling him. But because he couldn’t find the words or even the reasons, he remained silent….

“The Oversoul has fooled you again, and this time you may well die for it,” said Moozh.

“The Oversoul has never fooled me,” said Nafai. “Those who follow the Oversoul willingly are never lied to.”

“You never catch the Oversoul in his lies, is what you mean,” said Moozh.

“No!” cried Nafai. “No. The Oversoul doesn’t lie to me because…because everything that it promised me has come true. All of it has been true.”

“Or it has made you forget the ones that didn’t come true.”

“If I wanted to doubt, then I could doubt endlessly,” said Nafai. “But at some point a person has to stop questioning and act, and at that point you have to trust something to be true. You have to act as if something is true, and so you choose the thing you have the most reason to believe in, you have to live in the world that you have the most hope in. I follow the Oversoul, I believe the Oversoul, because I want to live in the world that the Oversoul has shown me.”

“Yes, Earth,” said Moozh scornfully.

“I don’t mean a planet, I mean – I want to live in the reality that the Oversoul has shown me. In which lives have meaning and purpose. In which there’s a plan worth following. In which death and suffering are not in vain because some good will come of them.”

“All you’re saying is that you want to deceive yourself.”

“I’m saying that the story the Oversoul tells me fits all the facts that I see. Your story, in which I’m endlessly deceived, can also explain all those facts. I have no way of knowing that your story is not true – but you have no way of knowing that my story isn’t true.

So I will choose the one that I love. I’ll choose the one that, if it’s true, makes this reality one worth living in. I’ll act as if the life I hope for is real life.”

(Orson Scott Card, The Call of Earth, Chapter 6, Weddings, pp. 275-280)

Conclusion

2011-03-20T14:59:00.001-07:00

This is the conclusion of my series on the equation:

Potential for Good = Desire x Skills

It is one of my guiding personal principles.

Previous posts:
Introduction: Potential for Good = Desire x Skills
Level 1: Purifying your heart (desire)
Level 2: Spiritually-rooted skills (A)
Level 3: Spiritually-rooted skills (B)

One of the main themes of the Book of Mormon is that those who follow the commandments of God will prosper. The people of whom it speaks wax and wane spiritually. Often, their spiritual declines are followed by political intrigue, economic decline, societal disunity and military overconfidence followed by crushing defeat.

Why?

I feel like the above reasons might provide a partial explanation. These “Christlike attributes” of which I’ve spoken, and their applications, form a glue that holds our families, communities, workplaces, and societies together.

A paycheck can motivate you to go to a job. But working with colleagues who lack integrity and kindness, it is easy to become resentful and frustrated.

A sense of community and shared purpose can hold a group together. But without love and the desire for humanity's good, gangs and nation-states often go astray.

Authority can get you to obey your parents. But if they don’t love you enough to listen to you your relationship will feel hollow.

In my life, some of my deepest satisfactions have come from watching myself – after months of trying – starting to develop some of the Christlike attributes I sought. I realized that doing so would improve my own quality of life. It is my dreams that this can in some significant way impact the world.

Writing these things doesn’t give me any claim on perfection. Anyway, the original Greek in Matthew 5:48, “perfect” is better translated “complete, finished, fully developed.” I feel more complete, more finished, and more fully developed. I’m sure there are many steps to go but I’m confident that I am on my way.

This same growth is available to everyone, if we really want it.

"God sells us all things," wrote Da Vinci, "at the price of labor."

If you are more interested I would recommend:
- Reading Stephen Covey's book, The Spiritual Roots of Human Relations, online here, or on Amazon.
- Studying Preach My Gospel, Chapter 6, "Christlike Attributes."
- Meeting with your local LDS missionaries.
- Going on a mission

(At least, these are the ways I learned these things...)

Level 3: Spiritually-rooted skills (B)

2011-03-20T14:31:00.000-07:00

This section deals with the ‘skills’ part of my equation:

Potential for Good = Desire x Skills.

It builds on my discussion of desire for good, and on my overview of this equation.

These skills are slightly more advanced skills than those in the previous post, and build on those skills. Again, there are a lot of skills on this list that I won’t discuss, including:

- Able to Find Mentors
- Knowing How to Present Yourself
- Reliability and Integrity.
- Curiosity or Always Wanting to Know More

These type of skills I feel like I’m just starting to learn., so I’ll list a few with brief notes.

Leadership.

This is completely linked with being able to understand others and their feelings, make good judgments, care about others, and so on. True leadership requires character – Donald Trump and “Slick Willy,” take heed.

Covey gives the example of parents, employers, teachers, and other leaders.

Often, “they may be competent, knowledgeable, and skillful, but are emotionally and spiritually immature.”

Imagine: “How do these immature people react to pressure? How does the boss react when subordinates don't do things his way? The teacher when the students challenge her viewpoint?

“How would such an immature father treat his teenage daughter when she interrupts his convenience with her problems? How does he discipline the younger children when they get in the way? How does he handle a difference with his wife on an emotionally potent matter?”

Creating and changing culture.

Culture, at its bottom, concerns the underlying assumptions that we make that govern our behavior. Persuading people to do good things is good, but an even more powerful way is to persuade them to positively change their assumptions.

Simple examples would be introducing and popularizing memes like “Just because Joe has Down’s syndrome, doesn’t mean we should be mean to him” or “I know it’s hard to admit being wrong, but…” or “It’s worth doing [good thing X] because…”

There are some generally true memes like the previous ones, but the tricky part is figuring out how to choose and popularize the right meme in a complicated situation.

- A student who on her frenetic elite college campus, frequently reminds her overly busy friends of the importance of taking time to build meaningful relationships.

- A professor who realizes his students put him on too high of a pedestal and then takes the right actions and changes his behavior to help them treat him more informally.

- A newspaper editor who loves the community and is fierce in defending them inspires those around him to keep persistently asking questions and to be willing to offend local authority figures. (Two much-needed skills in journalism.)

Anyone can do this, but it involves a ton of Level 1 and Level 2 character attributes and skills to do well.

Good judgment, to correctly evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of any given group of people or individual, and find the right meme to spread. Listening, to gather information. Communicating, to express things in the right way. Maybe as a joke.

Humility, subtlety, and persistence, to do this as often as needed without drawing undue attention to yourself and engendering resentment. Love for others, to want to do this at all. Knowledge, of how people interact with each other and organizational dynamics.

(Without these skills, one risks becoming the crackpot with his pet idea, the constant shrill-voiced moralizer, the ‘friend’ who always tries to make others change.)

Relationship skills.

The ability to form a functional relationship with a roommate, a co-worker, a significant other. Some common elements and shared responsibility, working together, agreeing on decisions, enough interaction that you could really get on each others’ nerves, the potential for rewarding emotional openness and intimacy.

The same problem Covey writes about for leaders is applicable here, too.

Level 2: Spiritually-rooted skills (A)

2011-03-20T14:25:00.000-07:00

This section deals with the ‘skills’ part of my equation:
Potential for Good = Desire x Skills.

It builds on my discussion of desire for good, and on my overview of this equation.

There are some concrete skills that one can develop, that require Level 1 "Christlike attributes." Here are some I won’t discuss:

- Learning Through Constructive Criticism
- Being Mature or Serious When Necessary.
- Comfortable Around Grown-Ups.
- Can Work Hard

Here are some I will discuss.

Listening.

Most of the time we passively listen to others. They talk about topic A, then we respond and tell them what we think about topic A, then move on to topic B, then they tell us what they think about topic B, and the conversation goes on.

Only very rarely do we practice “active listening.” The intent of active listening is to try to fully understand the feelings and emotions of others before one responds.

How to do that? When they express complex feelings or experiences, and when it’s appropriate, ask them, “So you’re saying that xxxxxxx. Is that right?” Maybe you’re right. Maybe you’re not. Either way, they will appreciate the attempt to understand them and will usually further explain themselves.

It’s hard. Genuine sympathy requires 'charity,' or pure love. It involves real emotional effort, trying to understand the other person and put yourself in their shoes. It rules out the common move: Rush In And Offer A Lengthy Sermon of Masterful Advice That Will Definitely Solve the Problem.

You aren't all-wise, and you need to understand before you can offer a good solution. You can only understand by listening.

Stephen Covey calls this “Diagnose before You Prescribe,” and gives a wonderful example.

Imagine. . . . You have been getting headaches and are having trouble with your eyes. You think you need glasses. You call on Stan, your friend, an optometrist. He briefly listens to your complaint and replies, "Yes, I'm sure you need glasses. Here, I've worn this pair now for ten years, and they've really helped me. They'll do the same for you, and I've got an extra pair at home. Take this pair."

You try them on. "But Stan, I can't even see as well as before," you report.

He assures you, "That's okay, it's just a matter of adjustment, of getting used to them. Before long you'll see as well as I do."

The foolishness in this scene is transparent. And yet, in everyday settings, prescribing (giving advice) before diagnosing (understanding) is most common.

For instance, you are trying to communicate with your daughter. "Come on, honey, tell me how you feel. I know it's hard, but I'll try to understand."

"Oh, I don't know, Mother—you'd think it was stupid."

"Of course I wouldn't! You can tell me. Honey, no one cares for you as much as I do. I'm only interested in your welfare. What is it that makes you so unhappy?"

"Oh, I don't know."

"Come on, Mary, what is it?"

"Well, frankly, Mother, I just don't like school anymore."

"What do you mean you don't like school! Everyone in our family likes school! If you'd apply yourself like your older sister does, you'd do better and then you'd like school. Time and time again we've told you to settle down. You've got the ability, but you just don't apply yourself."

After a long pause you begin again, "Now go ahead. Tell me why you feel this way."

Sometimes we train our children not to open up to us with their problems.

Listening requires love and patience; it requires us to acknowledge the possibility that we might be wrong. I have more than one listened to a small voice inside me, ordered back the cavalry rushing in with My Infallible Advice, and asked a good friend struggling to express their feelings one more clarifying question.

Listening is a spiritual skill.

Communicating

Everyone communicates differently.

Like listening, communicating effectively involves understanding the needs of people, what makes them tick. Finding topics to talk about that they enjoy and are passionate about. Not treating friends as if they are means to an end – talking to them only when you need them – but showing genuine interest in their well-being.

I learned a great lesson about this when my companion and I were trying to save a couple’s marriage. I link the story here.

A few spiritually-based communications skills I've had to work on include:

- Admitting you are wrong when you are.
- Making it easy (not emotionally costly) for others to realize (or admit) they are wrong.
- Disagreeing with someone's opinion without undermining them as a person

This list could go on and on.

Planning

One of the most oft-repeated verses in the scriptures is this:

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” (Christ, in the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 7:7)

My mission president put it simply: “Most people don’t ask God for what they really want, because they have no idea what they really want!”

I don’t mean the important-at-the-time matters, to perform well on an exam or a presentation, to make a good impression to a desired girlfriend or boyfriend, to get that job or a promotion.

The bucket lists I see from time to time are a good idea, but only a start.

I mean what you really want in life. Your deepest desires. What are you trying to achieve in your 20 or 30 or 60 or 70 remaining years on earth? It’s a lot of time to waste.

The ultimate idea should be to define two or three central goals – short and simple – that can inform every day of your life.

I’ve spent a large amount of my time since my mission – at least a few hours every week – thinking about these questions and writing my thoughts down. I feel a new clarity of thinking about what I really want in life emerging from that.

If you don’t know what you want yet, that’s okay. Spend some time deeply pondering it. Talk to some people with more experience. Figure out what you have to do to find out.

A good Covey essay on these topics is here.

Level 1: Purify your heart (desire)

2011-03-20T14:21:00.000-07:00

This section deals with the ‘desire’ part of my equation:
Potential for Good = Desire x Skills.

(See my previous post, an overview of this equation.)

There are a group of qualities that Latter-day Saints regard as “Christlike attributes,” that concern the state of your mind and heart.

(And if you want to call them something else, that’s fine. It’s far more important whether you value them and are trying to develop them.)

Consider questions like these.

Am I filled with sincere desire for the happiness of others?

Do I feel confident that God loves me?

Am I patient with the faults and weaknesses of others?

Do I work effectively, even when I’m not under pressure or close supervision?

What do I do and think when no one else is watching?

Am I dependable? Do I do what I say I will do?

Do I look for opportunities to serve other people?

How do I react when faced with opposition or suffering?

Do I think about the Savior during the day and remember what He has done for me?

When I’m doing all I can to effect good, am I content with myself?

Do I find joy in others’ achievements?

Do I focus on uplifting thoughts and put unwholesome thoughts out of my mind?

Am I patient with myself? Do I rely on the Lord as I work to overcome my weaknesses?

These questions measure qualities within ourselves, our desires. If we don't have these desires, well, we must desire them! (See Alma 32:27, "If ye can no more than desire to believe..")

The way we act upon our desire to desire good, is to measure our desires for good -- by asking these questions frequently.

Page 9 of this guide (pdf) gives a good general pattern for developing these attributes: study the descriptions, write your feelings, studied the listed scriptures, discussed them with your mission companion (or a close friend), set goals, pray for help, and evaluate yourself. Page 13 has some good self-evaluation questions.

The hardest thing for me – I did this pretty frequently on my mission – was stripping away my constant excuse. “I’m just not very [faithful, patient, loving, good at having clean thoughts, etc].”

But I found that the things that wouldn’t go away at all were much smaller than I imagined.

(I have a tendency to try to do too much, which I can’t erase but I can monitor and control. When I have too many things in my hands I need to ask for someone’s help or I might go crazy. When I have a ton of small things to do, I need to write them all down on a list and then work through it. I can’t sit still, but whatever.)

And to be honest, my progress was filled with stops and starts, uneven, and a frequent source of frustration when I fell short.

But simple persistence – I thought about these at least twice a week, and usually every day, for two years – yielded results. I had to, after all – I was on a mission!

If you only take one point away, take this. Real change in these qualities requires developing a system that encourages – or even forces – you to think about them regularly for an extended period of time. You become what you do consistently.

And in your quest for spiritual development, keep in mind this thought, from C. S. Lewis.

“Thousands of humans have been brought to think that humility means pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools...

[In reality, humility brings a] man to a state of mind in which he could design the best cathedral in the world, and know it to be the best, and rejoice in the fact, without being any more (or less) or otherwise glad at having done it than he would be if it had been done by another.” (in The Screwtape Letters).

Potential for Good = Desire x Skills

2011-03-20T14:14:00.000-07:00

The basic formula is: Potential for Good = Desire x Skills

Or in long form: Amount of good I can do = My desire for good x My skills

I think I made this one up – at least, if I stole it from anyone I no longer remember who.

Being good is a nontrivial task, guys. If I learned nothing else from my mission I learned this. Being good is a nontrivial task. And you cannot settle for mediocrity in this area. Neither the world nor your soul can afford it.

There are two main components. First is getting your heart right, earnestly having within yourself the desire to do good. The second step is to practice that desire, developing your skills to do good.

So if you want to do good, what kind of skills should you develop?

I’ve thought a lot about this; one of my deepest desires is to change the world, or some part thereof, in a significant way for good. I need to focus on purifying my heart and building my skills.

At the bottom, though; desire is the key.

It may involve external sacrifices of time and money to get yourself in a good place (such as going on a mission, joining Teach for America; taking the lower salary to become a human rights lawyer.)

It will certainly involve internal sacrifices of pride, require admitting faults and weaknesses, be at times emotionally painful, and require perseverance.

What could motivate you to pay the cost?

Two things are essential.

(1)You must desire the reward.
(2)You must believe it is possible.

For me, these preconditions are motivated, in part, by my faith.

Desirability. Central to our existence, I believe is our purpose to “become perfect, even as our Father in Heaven is perfect.”

(That’s Christ speaking, in the Sermon on the Mount. This will, of course, take a long time. It certainly won’t all happen in this life. Perfect, in the Greek, is also translated "complete, finished, fully developed.)

Possibility. I love how Christ puts it here:

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27, Book of Mormon)

But religious belief is not a necessary condition; only desiring self-improvement and believing it is possible.

So how do you go about acquiring skills to do good?

The old saws apply here. We start with the innermost qualities and proceed outwards. We are changed within first; we flee from evil thoughts; are filled with hope and love for others. These private victories are followed by public victories.

I break up this series in multiple parts, following this pattern.

Introduction: Potential for Good = Desire x Skills (this)
Level 1: Purifying your heart (desire)
Level 2: Spiritually-rooted skills (A)
Level 3: Spiritually-rooted skills (B)
Conclusion

2011-03-12T22:33:00.000-08:00

The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul

2011-03-11T05:19:00.000-08:00

‘'The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul.” – David O. McKay

A decade ago, prominent thinker and New York Times columnist David Brooks walked across the nation’s elite college campuses and found a strange phenomenon. A generation of highly capable and self-disciplined students concerned about doing good and changing the world, but lacking utterly a concept of dualistic (good vs. evil) moral universe around them.

When I asked if Princeton builds character, they would inevitably mention the honor code against cheating, or policies to reduce drinking. When I asked about moral questions, they would often flee such talk and start discussing legislative questions. For example, at dinner one evening a young man proposed that if we could just purge the wrongs that people do to one another over the next few generations, the human race could live in perfect harmony ever after, without much need for government or laws or prisons.

As the admissions officer Fred Hargadon puts it, "I don't know if we build character or remind them that they should be developing it."…One sometimes has the sense that all the frantic efforts to regulate safety, to encourage academic achievement, and to keep busy are ways to compensate for missing conceptions of character and virtue. Not having a vocabulary to discuss what is good and true, people can at least behave well. It's hard to know what eternal life means, but if you don't smoke you can have long life. It's hard to imagine what it would be like to be a saint, but it's easy to see what it is to be a success.

The compensation works, to an extent…The Princeton of today is infinitely more pleasant than the old Princeton, infinitely more just, and certainly more intellectual and curious. But still there is a sense that something is missing. Somehow, in the [old] world of moral combat, the stakes were higher, the consequences of one's decisions were more serious, the goals were nobler. In this world hardworking students achieve self-control; in that one virtuous students achieved self-mastery.

Brooks finds a dissident philosophy professor, Robert George, who at last gives a cogent diagnosis of the problem.

"The idea that it is possible to do wrong sitting alone in your room, even if you don't cause another person any harm, George said, is hard for modern Americans to comprehend fully. The problem is that this idea is at the heart of understanding what it means to be virtuous."

This is a concept that means a lot to me. As I have honestly sat down and looked at the state of my heart over the last few years, I have found a lot of good desires. And a lot of not-so-good ones. I find within myself feelings of goodwill, a desire to understand the world around me and change it for the better. But I also often find feelings of impatience, of anger, of lust.

I often find that the most important decisions I make are small decisions that have to do with these feelings. To show love, by listening with genuine interest to a companion's monologues about snowboarding, because it's important to him. To demonstrate self-mastery and the importance of time, resisting the urge to pull the blankets over my head, and starting the daily routine punctually.

In the world's eyes, if I didn't do these things, I wouldn't be showered with shame or scorn. I'm not Bernie Madoff, swindling people out of boatloads of money; I'm not Eliot Spitzer, cheating on my wife with high-priced call girls.

And yet, if I cannot emerge victorious in these day-to-day spiritual battles, my chance for a peaceful and happy life will be far reduced.

I love this quote from Henry Emerson Fosdick. His central thesis is that, in our day-to-day doings and relationships, if we will not "deny ourselves" in the cause of a godly life, we shall deny ourselves that godly life.

"If we will not deny ourselves bad temper and a wagging tongue, then we shall deny ourselves friendship—God pity us! If we will not deny ourselves a loose and unchaste life, then we shall deny ourselves self-respect and a conscience fit to live with. If we will not deny ourselves those habits of thought and life that keep divine fellowship away from human hearts, then we shall deny ourselves God.

“In short, if we will not give up evil for good, we shall surely give up good for evil."

Once again I note: "The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul."

"Don't hate the player, hate the game."

2011-03-09T22:06:00.000-08:00

This is the first in a series of posts, written in order to articulate some of my core values and beliefs. I'll start with the famous one by Ice T: “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”

++++++++++

Pointing out flawed individuals is easy. Designing remedies to the systems that allows bad behavior to flourish is more difficult.

Hating players is easy. Hating the game, and trying to fix it, is much harder.

Let me list some rules of the game that don’t get front-page headlines in the Wisconsin and New Jersey teacher wars.

- The almost-complete lack of monitoring in the teaching profession.
- Lack of constructive feedback. (My roommate, a third-year teacher, showed me his evaluation form – he was evaluated once a year, for 15 minutes on five vague categories)
- No commonly, frequently used metrics for comparison.
- No effect on pay based on performance.
- No ability to dismiss poor performers.
- Little ability to innovate due to low competition (public schools have huge advantage unless a voucher system is allowed).
- Structural rigidity – workers are attached to particular employer for long amounts of time, which generally discourages innovation.
- Lack of exit option for dissatisfied parents.
- Resulting parental lack of voice and influence in the system. Dissatisfied parents have to raise a lot of noise in the right way to achieve anything. Cost of change is high, so less change happens.

People say that “the schools need more money and [Governor X] won’t give any.” They say that “my daughter isn’t learning math.” They say "Randi Weingartener wouldprotect a dead body in the classroom .” They say that “the school board is heartlessly cutting all the extracurricular programs.”

Key mistake: they are hating the players.

Public schools’ near-monopoly in educational institutions reduces effectiveness and stifles innovation. Teachers’ unions’ near-monopoly on education personnel reduces effectiveness and stifles innovation.

This is the game. If you want to hate something, please hate the game. And then, even more, try to fix it.

(A side note. You can often play this up several levels.

Don’t hate the guy on the SWAT team that pulled the trigger and killed an innocent guy, don’t even hate the detective that led the case, hate the criminalization of gambling.

Don’t hate the guy that’s too scared to testify in a murder case, hate “Stop Snitchin.’” But don’t stop there. Hate the lack of trust between police and minority communities that spawned “Stop Snitchin’”. Hate the incentive system that lets corrupt cops run rackets, hate the war on drugs that gives gangs power in the first place, hate the cultural acceptance of bad behavior.)

An emotional experience

2011-03-04T22:47:00.000-08:00

I didn't post this one at the time because it was sensitive. I've changed the names. This is one of my most defining moments -- and at least in terms of the outcome, a failure. Yet it's shaped my view about the divine nature of attributes like love, patience, and the ability to make a joke (I'm serious).

I'm not the greatest at communicating, especially my feelings, but this experience gave me the drive to learn.

------------

This evening we are making an attempt to help save the marriage of a church member.

The church member is named Bob and his wife is named Jane (not really, but names are protected for their, you know, peace of mind). After Bob set up an appointment, we missed each other but in an attempt to figure out where she was called her and that turned into a 40-minute conversation between My Companion and Jane, after which they felt like best friends - he felt like he was just talking to a female friend at home.

She pours out her heart to him about how she wants to be with Bob but she keeps doing all this stuff to him because her parents don't like him and turn her against him.

(My Companion is very relaxed and able to befriend females in America but Indian sisters are much more shy and less comfortable with friendships with males, especially large American males like My Companion. But Jane is 21 and way friendly and is the kind of person who always hangs out with the 17yos that she tutors. My Companion was really happy, because he hadn't felt that relaxed, at ease or open with girls in a while and that frustrated him.)

Jane even wants to come to church, which she does, a little bit late. Bob came on time, but left because he was frustrated at waiting for her (the first time in 18 months she's ever come to church). So Jane spends 2 hours sitting in the bakery across from the church waiting for Bob.

We met Jane once again with her husband, during which time she basically poured out her heart and soul to us and all the relationship problems they are having. (Including all the crap she did to him and all the crap he did back.) He proceeds to make her breakfast the next morning but not talk to her all day (because he was mad about her telling us all that stuff.) We had an appointment with her tonight, but we were actually calling Bob’s friend for another reason.

After we work out the details, he says, "Hey Bob is here, do you want to talk with him?" I said sure, and Bob proceeded to tell me how they had a big argument, both packed up and moved out, and now he is planning to move back to Home City permanently on Thursday.

This of course puts off alarm bells in my mind. I ask, and he clarifies: yes, without Jane.

My Companion and I were discussing last night. It went something like this.

My Companion: "Jane is basically a valley girl. I know girls just like her. She is very easy to convince and because she is driven by emotions and makes quick judgments, she feeds off the emotions of people.

To put it into your terms, she's very easy to hack into. Because she's a daddy's girl and her parents don't like Bob, every time she goes to her parents' house she's filled with all these negative emotions. So she comes back and inevitably takes them out on Bob.

He tried living with her in Home City away from her family, which didn't work, and now he's trying to keep her away from her family (so she doesn't get the source of her negative emotions.) But that doesn't work either, because she loves her family. Last time when Bob got mad at her (after the appointment), I told her to have patience and he would calm down. It worked. But then things just flared up again."

Elder Bhagwat: (ponders and appreciates the wisdom and insightfulness of his companion) "Well, it seems we - and mostly you - are the only people that Bob and Jane both trust. So we have to figure out what to do. If Bob goes to Home City, when he cools down and comes back we will both be transferred and he'll be back at square one.

“If we can figure out how to diffuse this situation we can start to teach Jane - and Bob for that matter - about faith and repentance and forgiveness that might be the solution. Like you said we need a way to help her put in antivirus software so she can be driven by her desire to love and live with Bob and not other people's emotions....

My Companion: "Well when we talk to each of them about the exactly same matter, even something important like why Jane wants to meet with us in the first place, we get two way different answers. Bob tells us he told her about temples and being married forever and Jane tells us she had no real reason, she simply decided.

“That means they're not talking to each other and communicating so they have no idea what the other one thinks."

Elder Bhagwat: "Yeah, you're right, but we can't just tell them that."

My Companion: "Why not? I keep telling you, it's not what you tell people it's the way you tell them."

Elder Bhagwat: (skeptically) "So how do we communicate that to them?"

My Companion: "You have to make it into a joke, into something funny. We could pick something like what her favorite food is and ask Bob what it is, and then ask her. Or her favorite color. Something unimportant. Something that doesn't matter. Then they'll laugh when he gives an incorrect answer and understand the point."

Elder Bhagwat: "That's amazing! How did you know exactly what Jane was like? And how do you react to her so well and get her to trust you? I never would have caught any of that, and I would have no idea what to do to communicate that point"

My Companion: "But I don't usually break it down like that in my head. I usually just speak at the spur of the moment." (looks confused at himself as to how he explained so clearly)

Elder Bhagwat: "That totally makes sense though! It means like you understand people so well you internalize what to do, and you just do it automatically."

My Companion: "What?"

Elder Bhagwat: "Like if I'm playing blitz chess, I have about 5 seconds to make each move. So if I make a move, I'll make it because my opponent only has his black-square bishop, and I have my knight here, but most of the pawns are still on the board so it's a closed board so my knight is more valuable that his bishop right now, so I will move my knight here.

If you stopped me and asked me, ‘Why did you make that move’ I could tell you 7 or 8 relevant reasons why but I don't actually have time to think them over in 5 seconds, I just act on some sort of instinct that has internalized those reasons. So I'll make good moves even though I'm not consciously calculating them. So you must do something like that when you talk to people.

Man I'm so glad I get to be with you and make you explain all of those reasons, 'cause I'm clueless. "

It actually fits into what we've been talking about a lot this week.

My Companion and I have been listening to a talk I have on my iPod by a church leader named Henry B. Eyring, who used to be a professor at the business school at Stanford. It's called "The Law of Increasing Returns,"

In it, he talks about how normally things we do (problem sets, cutting the lawn) yield results very quickly and redoing the same work again (doing more problems or the same problem a different way after your answer matches the one in the back of the book, cutting the lawn a third or fourth time) doesn't yield much fruit compared to the effort it takes. This is the case, he points out, with most things done outside of the home. So if we drew a graph of marginal reward against effort it would start high and drop quickly.

But inside of the home, he points out, it is quite the opposite. Years of nurturing children or patience in marriage frustrations can seem to yield few results. After a long, long period of low returns, then - only then - does the reward come. The problem, he was telling, comes from knowing what we should give our heart and soul for in return for rewards that we might now see for a long time, and then how we can get the courage to keep working and waiting. I was especially struck by a couple of his suggestions. First, to look for the humor that comes from incongruity between tons of effort and little tangible result. Second, to appreciate the blessings that do come along the way. There were tons of other really practical insights so I attached the talk for you if you wanted to read it. I'm sure you've probably learned many of them by experience but I think you'd still like it.

What really strikes me is that even though I certainly don't have the experience in working and waiting patiently for years and years in anything (Education doesn't count because I like learning), it is something that I've learned with relationships with my companions.

My Companion has so much patience and rarely reacts at me when I get frustrated, and because he has so much patience with me it really helps me to overcome problems and frustrations and lean on him as a source of strength. This is a quality that he possesses far more than myself or any of my previous companions, and because of it we probably have the strongest relationship I've had so far on my mission.

My companion’s previous companion, Elder X, was also companions with Elder Tuscano and drove Elder Tuscano absolutely crazy. But because My Companion was so patient he was able to help this elder overcome his weaknesses.

It's inspiring in that I want to develop this quality - to work and wait patiently - in myself. I know that I'm going to have tests and trials of my own as I build my career and especially my family in the future, and I know I will need it.

And also, we have to somehow break this down soon for Jane and Bob - hopefully if only by example of how strong our relationship is. We know we're over our heads, but after careful consideration we are the only men for the job right now. (Also by we I mean "Mostly My Companion")

[follow-up: this ambitious attempt to save a marriage did not work. Bob did in fact go back to Home City shortly thereafter. Last we heard the divorce was in process.

Our mission president gave My Companion and I some wise advice afterwards.

“Elders, you two are the nicest guys in the world, and you have the biggest hearts ever and that’s really amazing. But I have been in the marriage business for thirty years. And I know a lot of people who are in it too. And we can collectively count on two hands the number of troubled families we were able to help.

“You can’t help two people save their marriage unless they come to you and say, Bishop, we really want to make this work but we don’t know how and we will do anything you tell us. You certainly can’t make it work for them.”

He was right, as usual.]

My mission in one post

2011-03-04T22:43:00.000-08:00

...welcome, friends, family, or whoever is reading this.

This is my MISSION MEGA POST. Ie, I try to encapsulate two years of my life in one webpage.

Yeah, yeah, I can hear the snickers already.

I made an online "Mission Scrapbook" here.

This is a PowerPoint I made for my human resources class at Stanford, about the different parts of a mission. I answer the central question: why would the LDS Church choose a bunch of snot-nosed 19 to 21 year olds as its ambassadors and recruiters?

Here are some of my personally meaningful and memorable experiences.

Trying - and failing - to save a marriage. I realized that it was not my companion and my marriage to save - it was the husband and wife's.

My first baptisms, on my trainer's last week.

My last Sunday - four baptisms! Two really wonderful families.

I should marry a fat girl. Preferably a very fat Telugu girl.

Learning to get along with a companion. After a somewhat rocky start, I start communicating with my native companion Elder John in a way that made him comfortable. We became best of friends.

We move a family across town after they get evicted, baptize them, and I get transferred, all in the same week. The 9-year-old son cries and gives me a forlorn look when he realizes I'm leaving.

Simple kindness. Making a get well card for a 16-year-old kid.

Learning Telugu, and learning to talk to someone in emotional distress.

++++++++++++++++++++++

This is one of my favorite families, Robert and Girija, on the day of their baptism, when they promised to follow God for the rest of their life. This was our work, to help prepare people to make this promise.

Back to more mundane things...

2011-02-17T22:24:00.000-08:00

Why certain economic models (ahem, Keynesian sticky prices) are stupid:

"Which of the following impediments to economic adjustment do you believe to be the most important?

a) the cost of establishing a new enterprise

b) the cost of integrating new workers and equipment into an existing enterprise

c) the cost of adapting physical and human capital to new circumstances

d) the cost of whiting out an old price list (menu) and updating it with new prices

If you answered (d), then congratulations--you have shown your New Keynesian bona fides." Link here.

A post-mission post

2011-01-07T19:33:00.000-08:00

A letter to a dear friend

I'm glad you liked the essay I sent. I really liked the "thus we see" part, it has informed my scripture reading. As I read it again with my mission with fresh eyes I notice some parts.

(note: I may not be able to properly express myself in the following sentences)

Pres. Eyring's point, that even if honest seekers meet together it will often increase doubts because they will encounter new ones, strikes me as prescient.

I think -- and it might be too early to tell -- after my mission I'm kind of in a new place with regard to doubt, intellectualism, Dialogue, the bloggernacle, etc. It's really not that important to me anymore, at least the skeptical questioning part. I might still see "as in a glass darkly," but I know my Father more deeply than I did before.

But I have not yet developed the patience and experience to be someone like, well, you. Or President Eyring. You -- and here I presume, I can't read your mind -- go with love for the Lord and your fellowmen, not to collect doubts but to serve others by building their faith in the Lord whom you love. And you have the tools to do it.

I will join you at some point, I believe -- but it will take a lot more experience first. I have the desire but lack the tools.

Ultimately the Dialogue/bloggernacle is commentary, and I'm pretty much commented out right now. I read the Dialogue issue with our pieces in it -- I loved the first article, describing Godel's incompleteness theorem and the limits of the knowable. And of course the parts about both of us. (My essay is here. - SB) Other than that I lacked interest in it.

Not because it was uninteresting, at all, but because now that I've finished my mission I see so many other things that are so interesting.

I see the importance of shaping personal goals -- I've spent a lot of time on that. I see the importance of finding an eternal companion. I am in a completely familiar culture, but I now see it in a completely different way.

The gospel is more real to me. I am more committed than I was two years ago. I see a moral current in the day-to-day events far more than before -- and feel a far stronger love for my brothers and sisters walking around campus. Yet I still need to figure out my new role, unique and "peculiar" as I am among them. (Looks like I'm going to have a newspaper column in the student newspaper, so Stanford should get ready for my trenchant critiques. Ha.)

I see so many amazing things in the world that I want to learn about. I see the complexity of God's "secular" creations again and am newly amazed by it all.

Right now, I need to go apply the principles of my mission in my own life; smile, laugh, listen, go magnify a calling and date some girls and pursue my goals and live a Stanford life again. Maybe if I get a chance, I can lift some doubters around here.

I'll be back in the Dialogue circles in a few months or a year or two. I don't know. I need to live my own life a bit and experience life in all of its amazing complexity and beauty. Then I'll feel somewhat qualified to comment in Latter-day Saint dialogue on Life in the abstract, universal sense, again.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I was writing this to you or myself, but I'm happy I got the preceding narrative down on paper.

Your fellowservant,
Sam

Addendum

2010-12-16T21:16:00.001-08:00

Dear the former Elder Glade,

Thanks for your example. This is my last Sunday.

See you soon -- I'll catch you on Facebook or something.

Love,
Elder Bhagwat

Coimbatore, December 12

2010-12-16T21:13:00.000-08:00

I am sad to be leaving, but new hands can pick up the work that I left
and give it new direction.

I had an eventful last week. The stories that were in progress finally
got to a reportable point, so this will be a long e-mail.

The main highlight was being able to baptize two families that we had
been teaching.

The first one is named Robert and Girija, they are on the left in the
picture. Elder Riley knocked on their door when he was with a
different elder and met the wife Girija. She told Robert that we came
and he was not interested. He is an ex-military guy who is now working
for a security agency as a training officer.

Though he's a military guy, he watched his father become a drunkard so
he doesn't drink or anything. Actually he used to be an altar boy when
he was young but stopped due to watching priests take money all the
time. So he hasn't really been to church since he was 13. Girija is
much more religious and prays all the time. Funny story actually.

One lesson when we were telling them to pray from their hearts instead
of saying memorized prayer we read a verse from the Sermon on the
Mount. It saaid something like "do not use vain repetitions, as the
heathen do, for they think they shall be heard for their much
speaking."

At tha Robert just starts bursting up. We're a little bit confused so
we ask him why he's laughing so hard. He points to a Roman Catholic
prayer book that they have, and tells us that one time Girija started
from the beginning and went through all the prayers, *53* times.
Girija's looking find of uncomfortable now, so we laughed and gave
Girija a "well, you didn't know better" shrug and went onwards.

Anyway, that's all later. We came back a second time and when he met
us Robert was way impressed with us. We gave them a Book of Mormon and
invited them to church; they didn't come and we didn't think they were
too interested, so we didn't go back again.

About a month later, after Elder Riley went home I remembered their
house and figured I'd go back with Elder Prabhakar. Meanwhile, Girija
had given the Book of Mormon to her sister, who lives in Kanyakumari,
the southernmost district in India, where they are from. Her family is
all fishermen. Her sister started reading it and was way impressed, so
she told Girija, so she and Robert started praying to get another
copy.

Lo and behold, we show up again on their doorstep, let us in, and we
give them another copy and invite them to church again. Robert tells
us how he and Girija are fighting all the time. She stares angrily
back at him. We promise them that they gospel can bring more unity
into their family.

(This is on like Tuesday in late October.)

On Sunday, they come to church and love it, we go to their house again
and discover Girija is like 200 pages into it.

The next couple weeks we get them to have family prayer almost every
day. They come to church every week. We bring over a family in the
neighborhood, husband and wife named Shiva and Latha, and they become
best friends.

They keep trying to get us to sit on their plastic chairs when we come
over but we keep resisting because they only have two so that would
make us sit above them. We insist instead that we all sit together on
a mat on the floor. "All are equal, brother," I tell Robert.

We get the branch president's wife (Shelley Schultz equivalent) to
teach Giija and another sister, Cecilia, English twice a week.

The difference is so obvious. Last week as we're going to their house
Girija rests her arms on Robert's legs and leans towards him, which
for India is all over him. "Girija so much love this week, brother,"
Robert says.

Elder Meservy baptized Robert. I baptized Girija.

The other two people, standing on the right side, are Vincent and
Cecilia. A church member family who lived across the street brought
them to church to see the Primary presentation -- all the children 3
to 11 had a special presentation where they gave talks and sang songs
during the first hour of Sunday meetings. It lasted like 40 minutes.
Vincent and Cecilia were way impressed. "The children are so
disciplined," they said.

As we began to visit their house I was impressed so much by how much
they loved their children, Vincy Jasmine (4) and Christo (0). They
aren't nearly well-off enough to afford diapers, so quite often as we
were meeting them the usually-nude Christo would start to pee or
diarrhea on the floor. Cecilia or Vincent would calmly lift him up,
get a towel, and start to clean up the mess.

Cecilia is a college graduate, so she speaks OK English. Vincent not
so much. Usually when we say something Cecilia translates for Vincent.
Even though he doesn't speak so much English we can really tell how
intelligent he is. They were also raised in a Catholic tradition, so
as we read from the Book of Mormon about how Adam and Eve story, he's
amazed.

"I always thought it was a bad thing, and finally I learn that there
was a purpose after all," he says. (Well, this is the branch president
translating what he said for us.)

We were always worried about the spirituality of their lessons, as
Vincy was always trying to play with Christo, Christo was crying or
screaming, or some other distraction associated with having small
children happened. But they always just seemed to want to learn. Many
times Cecilia would have to take Christo and walka round the church
building during meetings on Sunday. Sometimes someone is there to help
her, but sometimes not.

Still, they both have so much patience. At the end, we realized: they
know that their children will be children. They don't need the
quietest atmosphere. They just want to learn. They have a vision of
how their future family can be, and they want to get there.

I baptized both of them.

Anyway, that's my last big accomplishment. More good stuff will happen
after I go, but all these families should continue on the path they
started. I helped them build the foundation. So I'm happy.

With love,

Sam

Coimbatore, November 28

2010-12-05T16:21:00.000-08:00

Lots of cool stuff happened this week. We went to Chennai for a conference so I got to see a lot of people I knew well there. I met M. and H.,, the family I baptized with Elder Glade.

I also visited another guy named S. He's like 19. I knocked on his family's door with Elder Siyyadri, my second companion. This time I went back, and when we knocked on the door his mom and sister were confused – S. was outside -- but then they recognized me and they were way excited. They made nicknames for all the elders -- Obama, Giant, and so forth. Mine was "Sham." So they called S. and he came back.

Since I met him, S. seems like a new man. Way more confident; much better English, and some other things that are harder to describe. I could barely recognize him. He's planning to go on a mission after he finishes his college, which I was way excited to hear. (He's in his second year now.)

Also saw S.’s brother G. -- and he was still trying to avoid me. That was pretty funny. G. had gotten married to a sister named Sa. since I met him last. So I asked G. how he met Sa. -- it was a love marriage -- and he wouldn't tell me. Then G. left and I asked S. how G. met Sa., and S. said G. wouldn't tell him either. Funny guy.

Love,
Sam

Coimbatore, November 21

2010-11-28T18:08:00.000-08:00

Life is going pretty well, taking care of 50% more stuff is pretty interesting but it seems to be going well.

My main lessons this week are about how to organize stuff instead of doing it myself.

We need to help the wives of a couple of the families that we are teaching learn English. Instead of trying to do it ourselves, we realized that the branch president's wife Sh. and her mom M.C. were free all day and would be more than willing to help.

So we went over to S. and M., some members who knew the families we were teaching (V. and C., the one I wrote about last week) and explained the idea. Then we took S. and M. over to the branch president's house and together we explained the idea to Sh. Then we told Sh and V. and C. to come to church at the same time to meet each other. And now everything is set up nicely for this week and we just have to follow up with everyone.

Some new member families were saying they had a hard time understanding the scriptures so we gave the husband, wife, and adult children some reading tips, a journal and a dictionary and told them to write down what they understood. Then we just sat silently in front of them and watched magic happen. We did this one like three different times in three days with three different families.

I know some missionaries who are, for example, really good motivational speakers. This helps them to help people do some things that they didn't think were possible, like quitting drinking or smoking.

Personally, I'm not great at pep talks or encouraging people. Sure, I've learned to do it if need be. But my particular point of excellence seems to be getting people to read stuff and understand the ideas and apply them. So I do that the most.

The signs of coming home are creeping up on me but I'm having too much fun and so am doing my best to ignore them :) I will be happy to see you though.

Love,
Sam

Coimbatore, November 14

2010-11-21T17:45:00.000-08:00

Dear mother,

Elder Prabhakar went off to Erode, so I'm with Elder Meservy now. It's going pretty good so far, he's pretty laid-back and generally quiet but flexible.

Spent last night running around and saying goodbyes with Elder Prabhakar. Spent the morning cleaning the apartment -- this time I actually got a sense of the order in which I should clean to be most efficient, so that was good.

We're busy also, no neatly tied up stories to tell. There's one family we started newly visiting; and it's amazing to see as we came to their house how easily love transcends language barriers.

Their names are V. and C., and their children are J. (4) and Ch. (0). They can understand half English but not reply well, I can understand a quarter Tamil but not speak. So they'll ask simple questions in mixed Tamil and English and I'll point them to something they can read in Tamil to answer their question. This family goes out together to the market, and whenever we're there in their actions and in the way they answer questions we can see their love for their children. Ch.’s teeth are coming in and when he starts crying I just make a pitch-pipe like humming sound and he becomes happy again. It's very funny.

Love,
Sam

Coimbatore, November 7

2010-11-21T17:40:00.000-08:00

I have learned a new language on my mission. It's called, "Indian English."

When I am trying to get someone to hurry up, I tell them to "Come
fastly." When someone is late and I call them on the phone, I ask them
"Where you are now? How many minutes you are coming?" When I need to
know how many of my 24 hours I've used, I stop and ask someone on the
road, "Brother, what is time now?" Moreover, I sign whatever I speak.
When I say "think," I point to my head. When I say, "feel," I point to
my heart. Occasionally, Indian English includes basic local language
words like "romba" - pronounce "ro" as in "rowing" - for "very" or
"uthkaringa" for "please sit down".

Sometimes I still speak the language we used at home, known as
"American English." Because my companion speaks good English, there
are other American elders, some members of the branch can understand
this language, and I'm in contact with you, I still remember how to
speak it.

Unfortunately, due to lack of usage, while I have maintained my skills
in "American English," I do slip up now and then and am certainly not
improving.

Life here continues to be crazy. For various reasons, including being
senior companion again, I am back on my organizing drive. On Saturday,
I finally was able to turn a long-awaited plan into reality.

There's a basic principle I've learned on my mission. Everyone likes
elders, but the amount they actually trust you and are willing to do
stuff for you is usually directly proportional to the amount of time
you spend with them.

I told you about M., the kid from the orphanage we're teaching.
Well, we really wanted to get him some mature people to be his
friends. We were thinking about it, and the best candidates were
actually J. and S., the family we are teaching that I was
telling you about. All the necessary steps -- introducing them,
setting up the appointment, finding the house -- were easier because
both already trusted us, we knew their schedules, where they lived,
etc. This is pretty unorthodox -- you usually introduce them to church
members -- but it was the easiest thing to do. So on Saturday, Elder
Prabhakar and I pumped up our cycles and cycled 30 minutes on some
pretty washed out roads to get to M.’s orphanage, picked him up, and
walked a mile and a half to J. and S.’s house.

In addition, while I was trying to work out all the logistics through
calling M. on his friend's cell phone, we also talked J. into
sending their daughter R. to a church picnic for children on the
same day. They're pretty protective of R. and it was the first time
R. -- who is 9 --ever went somewhere without them but she really
enjoyed it so it worked out.

It was also good before we thought having J. and
S. serve someone else would be good for them, and we plan to
continue this in the future. Also it was a megalith of planning, and
it worked and they really developed a strong bond so it was good.

So I'm getting a new companion, Elder Meservy. Actually this is
because some elders finished their mission and are going home so they
are combining our two companionships in Coimbatore. So now there are a
couple million people in my area. And we're going to have 15 people
coming to church every Sunday. While I'm excited for the new
responsibility, I'm afraid my head is going to explode.

(My companion Elder Prabhakar is going to a nearby city Erode, and
Elder Meservy's companion Elder Ludlow is going to Hyderabad to be
companions with Elder Gervais, my old companion. I really like Elder
Ludlow; this will probably be the last time I see him on my mission,
though he lives in Modesto so we'll probably meet again.)

Thanks for the election news. I read about Jerry Brown when I was
learning about California political history, I didn't know he was
still alive and hopping! So in the race to replace a mucle-packed
weight-lifter and action movie hero, married to a daughter of a
dubious dynasty, a semi-antique, semi-hippie former governor beats the
former CEO of the dot-com era's top 5 success story. Here in Tamil
Nadu we've had the same chief minister for the last 20 years. I'm not
sure which form of theater -- excuse me, government -- I prefer.

Also as you may have heard, Obama is in India. All the Coimbatore
elders wore red, white, and blue ties on Sunday in honor of his visit.

Love,
Sam

Coimbatore, October 31

2010-11-21T17:37:00.000-08:00

Mostly it's just rainy season here, so we're busy getting wet. Yes, we have umbrellas, but we also have bicycles. I've gotten pretty soaked about three times in the last week.

Other visible effects include a decrease in Church attendance -- even though Sunday was clear -- with the general reason that "I have a fever (= a cold), I was out walking in the rain."

It seems rather medically dubious to me (a cold is a virus, right? Does being out in the rain really affect your immune system that much? Does everyone in Seattle and Portland have a cold all the time?) but everyone believes it here.

As per my companion: Elder Prabhakar's name is actually Vasanth Prabhakar; his father's name is Prabhakar. He is from Karnataka, and in Tamil Nadu and Karnataka, they take their father's name as the surname and don't have any family surname. (In Andhra they have a surname, same as in the US.) The Maharashtran system, having a surname and your father's name as the middle name, makes the most sense to me. Can you imagine the difficulty of record-keeping without surnames? Abbott and Costello would have a ball...

We are still crazily busy, ie, life is still looking up. Everyone is busy preparing for Diwali. Most everyone will have holidays on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so we are going to try to get about two weeks of work done in four days. Due to various reasons including our busy-ness, other people's busy-ness, we aren't meeting people frequently enough.

For example, we need to meet J. once or twice in a week to help her have enough upward oomph and encouragement, but we've only been able to meet her once in two weeks. We need to meet another brother named A. every week, but we've only been able to meet him four times in two-and-a-half months.

The main cause of the problem is that in the last two weeks 18 different people that we're actively responsible for came to church at least one week. Of those, 14 are preparing for baptism. Normally, that would be like 6 and 2. This is hardly cause for complaint -- we're really excited -- but it does cause us to be rather busy.

I've gotten to this stage before in Hyderabad with Elder Gervais, but then everything fell apart. Over time we discovered that people just liked Elder Gervais and myself rather than being interested and able to change their lives. So they kind of all fell off the map sooner or later. Part of our mistake was that we failed to honestly evaluate people's motives and challenges and part was we failed to make the right plans and concentrate on the right people. I hope to avoid making the same mistakes here. One difficulty is that I probably won't be able to get much help with Elder Prabhakar with such evaluation, it takes some experience as a missionary, which is why I made that mistake in the first place.

I also have tons more stories to write, but a part of them would not really suffice, so I'll leave it at that.

Love,
Sam

Coimbatore, October 24

2010-11-21T17:33:00.000-08:00

Now that Elder Riley went home, I have a new native companion named Elder Prabhakar.

He's really good actually, great guy, very funny, people person and hard worker. He's new on his mission -- he's only been in the field for a month -- so I still have to gently poke him at 6:35 in the morning to make sure he gets up. He'll get used to it, I'm sure.

He's a very people-oriented person and has already developed a lot of the skills that I had to work hard to develop on my mission. On Saturday we were visiting a church member named W. at his shop when his childhood friend R., who is also the neighborhood rowdy, walked in to say hi to W. After 10 minutes of conversation somehow Elder Prabhakar had made this guy into his best friend by showing a kind of love for R. that is difficult to describe in words. And as a result, we have the potential to help this guy reform his ways...

In a lot of good ways, he reminds me of Elder Gervais. Though we're very different people, we should be able to blend our talents well. Right now he's teaching me how to cook Indian food and I'm teaching him to cook American food. This morning I made french toast and he took the cap off of the maple syrup and started pouring it out because he'd never seen a pop-and-squeeze cap before. The small things you take for granted..

We've been able to have a ton of good things happen in the lives of people we're teaching. 12 people we're teaching came to church today which was really wonderful but also completely crazy.

Today in the leadership meeting before church the branch president made a special plea for everyone to befriend M., the orphan kid I was telling you about. As a result, three or four different people put their arm around him; went and sit next to him, and so forth. It was wonderful.

The question, of course, is: shouldn't this happen spontaneously?

Of course, and believe me I would be very happy about that also. But something I've come to understand is that this requires the correct culture. And culture isn't spontaneous; it must be carefully cultivated.

Moveover, a while back I would have been too frustrated that "this should happen spontaneously!" to do anything to make it happen.

I have some goals for the rest of my mission and am trying my best to complete them as my time window gradually closes....I hope it works...

With love,
Sam

Coimbatore, October 11

2010-10-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

This week was pretty good.

This week was general conference, all the church leaders giving talks from Salt Lake. Actually it was last week, but since we're 12 hours ahead we got the DVDs and played them this week. It was really good, I felt rejuvenated.

One of the talks that I felt was meant for me was on the need to slow down and focus on the important things, especially when going through turbulent events, instead of just being busy for the sake of being busy. Obviously this is one of my known weaknesses but I felt like I received a lot of help in going from where I am to where I want to be.

One of the people we're teaching is named M., he's 18 and he and his sister N. live in an orphanage. An American sister named K.R. has been bringing them to church for a while. This was our seating arrangement.

me-M.-KR-N-N's friend

when a speaker with a thick Italian accent comes on.

M. has problems understanding some of the (American) speakers anyway, and often ask us what they are saying.

So when this speaker comes on M. first turns to the right and asks KR what he is saying. She can't tell, so he turns to the left and asks me instead. I also have no idea, at which point he starts laughing pretty hard, followed by the rest of us. The Americans can't understand the speaker, how is he supposed to? We laugh with him.

M. is pretty amazing actually. Visiting him was one of the highlights of this week.

He's been through a lot of stuff in his life but because of KR (she's his teacher) it seemed to work out for good instead of bad.

He said he used to never listen to anyone and always rebel but now he's different. I asked him "what changed?" and he proceeded to give a 40-minute explanation of his life story.

We had planned on teaching the Word of Wisdom and the Law of Chastity, translation: no drinking, smoking, drugs, tea, or coffee, sex only within marriage, keep your thoughts pure and choose your life partner carefully.

However, as he was telling his life story, he was basically explaining how all of his different friends had ended up drinking all the time, or marrying crappy husbands who were drunk all the time and cheated on them. So we just had to listen carefully and point out the lessons, which he already realized in the first place.

And then, since this is India, he has two sisters and has to worry about their marriage, so we pointed out that finding good life partners would be far, far easier that way.

The heartless analytical economist in me has a hypothesis.

(1) Actions, especially the type of actions mentioned above, innately have consequences.

(2) Sometimes we as humans can be shielded from consequences by protective factors. These protective factors include
(a) Human action-consquence limitations, ie parents, mentors, and roommates. They make curfews, wait up, pick us up at the police station, ground us, sit with us when we're vomiting into the toilet, etc etc.
(b) Non-human action-consquence limitations, for example access to birth control and abortion
(c) Action-guiders, ie parents, friends, mentors and culture to convince us to avoid patterns of destructive behavior, develop good judgment in the opposite sex, etc.

(3) When protective factors are present behavior can go on for a longer time without serious negative consequences, ie unwanted pregnancy, job loss, addiction, etc etc. Sometimes that can enable people to change course before serious problems result.

(4) Very few to absolutely none of these protective factors are present in an Indian orphanage.

That makes me extremely grateful for KR; she helped M. find the right path. I'm sure his decisions will bless future generations. He has one of the strongest desires to do right of anyone I've met on my mission. Probably because of the stuff he's seen.

Love,

Sam

Reflections to a Friend Leaving on a Mission

2010-10-24T18:05:00.000-07:00

I love my mission.

I am so grateful for the decision I made to serve a mission.

The reasons I am so grateful to serve a mission now, have only casual relevance to the reasons I, your friendly Stanford skeptical intellectual Mormon convert, decided to go on a mission. I see ourselves as very similar, so I hope this helps.

These are the reasons I am grateful now.

I learned how to love, serve, and get along with companions and investigators that were far, far different than me. Because I learned this, I was able to help people I would otherwise be unable to help. I was also far happier.

I learned the power of faith. Starting with, I realized the importance of my faith in choosing to serve, not understanding really what was in front of me.

Every baptism that I've had, or every person I've found that has been baptized, was a miracle. Not in the casual sense, but really, honestly, each one was a miracle. That means I've seen a lot of miracles in 22 months. My faith has grown a lot and I see a vision for my future life.

I now understand what my Heavenly Father wants from me. I understand what the gospel is and how it applies to me. I didn't fully understand this before.

I've felt my Heavenly Father work countless times through me. I've also felt countless disappointments, letdowns, frustration at companions, investigators, etc etc.

Minute mission rules (or culture) might frustrate at times. This is for two main reasons. First, you will be asked to obey things you don't understand. Second, we are both generally self-motivated and do things our own way; in contrast, a mission is very regimented. Other missionaries are not always as self-motivated, they might need the regimentation more, but you might need it too. Rigid schedules -- scheduled exercise, planning and study times -- helped me in some surprising ways to discipline myself.

Finally, whatever your course in navigating and obeying the rules, don't be frustrated at them. The rules are made for the right reasons; frustration wastes time, energy and the Spirit.

Doing the Lord's work is so, so worth it.

Coimbatore, October 3

2010-10-10T17:29:00.002-07:00

We got 'grounded' for a couple days this week because the Ayodhya mosque decision finally came back. Nothing happened in Coimbatore but we were a bit worried so stayed inside.

As a result, on Thursday I had the chance to make chicken curry and chapattis to feed 6, it tasted reasonably well but took like two and a half hours. Probably because it was my first time (I normally don't have time to try). Luckily, I've seen my native companions prepare enough, and tasted enough dishes, to figure out what tastes right.

Also on Saturday it was Gandhi-jayanti, which is a national holiday so there was an activity at church. It started with lunch potluck, but only men were allowed to cook. (The branch wanted to give the sisters the day off, so they were officially not allowed inside their respective kitchens).

Yes, the food tasted good, and there was enough, though I heard in a couple houses the wives had to sit outside the kitchen and give their husbands detailed instructions. I made egg salad sandwiches which had two perks. One, no one had ever tasted it before and two, all I needed were eggs, mayonnaise, bread, and salt.

The main highlight of this week was a wonderful family we're teaching. The father and the mother are named R. and S., they have a 19yo daughter named R. and a 23yo son named P. The daughter is studying aeronautical engineering and the son is doing his MBA. The other elders had been teaching them but they got transferred, so I met them first in about the beginning of August.

Their native place is near the south end of India, a city called Valparrai about 3 hours from here. Studies are better in Coimbatore so after R. finished her 10th they sent their children here for studies and then moved here with them. (How many people would do that in America?)

They have obligatons in Valparrai; S. is a councillor in Valparrai -- it's a politician job, elected office, but not very work-intensive. R. owns some sort of a gas distribution center. Both of their duties seem to go on fine with occasional visits. (Usually one of them will go to Valparrai for half of the week.)

Elders have been meeting them for about eight months. They love us coming, they have great understanding and whenever we give them a scripture reading assignment they do it eagerly.

Since I met them we've been having a lot of spiritual lessons; they had been contemplating moving back to Valparrai in a couple of years, where they have their own house. To continue learning and growing in the church, however, they would have to stay in Coimbatore, and we talked to them strongly about that several weeks ago, and then left it -- they understood, and it's their decision to make. (And for them, it makes some sense anyway; their children are only going to get jobs in big cities; there is no market for their skills in Valparrai.)

After a particulaly spiritual lesson a couple of weeks ago, S. said unprompted to the member we brought on exchange, "We will stay in Coimbatore -- for this church only." They have come to church about 12 times now. Today we were especially excited because they stayed for all 3 hours, it was only the second time they had stayed, and then they met the branch president after church. They are going to be out of station on the 10th, and then their baptism will be on the 17th, Elder Riley's last Sunday.

Because elders have been teaching them for so long, like six or seven different families have come with elders to their house. Last night we were sitting at the church talking to a church member couple named R.and D., that we had brought over there before, and they asked us, "R. and S. are getting baptized on the 17th?" Yes, we said, shaking our heads, sorry, we forgot to tell you the news. We're excited about it, and it's exciting to watch them tell all their church member friends about it.

Thus is life,
with love,
Sam

Coimbatore, September 27

2010-10-10T17:29:00.001-07:00

I am doing pretty good this week. Elder Riley and I were separated for most of this week - he was in Bangalore for a leadership training meeting and I was here in Coimbatore and then in Erode. So he left last Monday morning and got back only on Friday morning.

He is a really good missionary and is very good at helping me to improve. These last couple days as we applied the things he was learning in Bangalore we had a lot of spiritual lessons with people we were meeting for the first time.

Erode is very hot, Chennai-like. I'm not sure what exactly causes the temperature differential -- the cities are only 60 miles away -- but I'm grateful to be in Coimbatore. Erode is a pretty nice place but I was sweating a lot for two days.

The other highlight of the week - an American in town on business named J. brought his entire office to the church on Friday. He's a programmer but writes books and music on the side. It was a little bit of a miracle of organization what happened actually. One of the local leaders received a call from him on Tuesday so they called us, so we called his office members (you know the problem with having a cell phone while visiting India) and got hold of him.

After a 15-minute phone conversation -- he called back from his computer, while we were on the main road and struggling to hear him, we just cancelled our evening appointment and met him at his hotel room to coordinate plans.

His songs are all themed on gospel themes, so we planned a recital combined with a church tour, laid out the order, schedule and expectations and planning in the hotel room. Then I went out of station to Erode for two days, and returned on Friday morning. Surprisingly and amazingly, we were able to coordinate refreshments, agenda, recital, tour, and everything and it worked beautifully.

The only, completely uncontrollable, problem was that the power kept going on and off, which presented two problems:

(1) It was 7:30 at night

and

(2) J. was singing on a mic and playing on an electric piano.

With love,
Sam

Coimbatore, September 5

2010-09-12T20:49:00.001-07:00

The last week has been pretty good. I ate the best paneer butter masala I've ever had on Wednesday at a church member's home.

It's interesting how you do the same things, repeat the same patterns, over and over again without realizing it.

Of course, this is frustrating when it's a bad habit you're trying to get rid of, but helpful when it's a good thing. For example, at my insistence Elder Riley and I visited a couple of church members named R. and K.

R. is 50 and Anglo-Indian, she is divorced and lives with her mother and her 18yo son, her son used to come to church but then started smoking and some other stuff. She usually sits alone in church and doesn't have any really good friends.

K. is 39, he went on a mission ten years ago and got married, but his brother doesn't come to church anymore and his wife left him and took their daughter so he lives with his mother. He has troubles expressing himself in complete thoughts and also sits alone in church.

They both seemed nice and I felt bad for them so we visited both of them and just talked to and listened to them. And now they are both becoming noticably more active in church.

I got my release date: December 18. It was actually December 29, but got moved up for some reason. I am slightly sad about that. I made a goal to have 20 baptisms in the rest of my mission when I got transferred here to be with Elder Riley. We've had three so far as companions.

In this area there were some people ready to be baptized but who faced insurmountable obstacles.

A woman named P. whose Hindu husband won't let her and her 8 year old daughter take baptism. These families have been investigating for a year and coming to church regularly but can't be baptized.

But Elder Riley and I worked to help them take the necessary steps to get baptized. (Previous elders kind of gave up on them.)

Our efforts included having the mission president meet both of them (this is extremely rare in our mission because of travel and because the mission president has to manage the districts also). And we were assisted by a semi-miraculous event: P.'s husband finally telling her to do what she wants.

As a result, we had 10 people at church on Sunday, 9 of whom are set with a baptismal date.

I think I'm going to make my goal of 20 - we should have 10 more baptisms before Elder Riley goes home (his last Sunday is October 17). This is somewhat ridiculous -- I've never had more than 6 people with dates before. And I have to make sure that I'm working hard than even to find, teach, and baptize the last 7.
With Love,
Sam

To My Friends, With Love

2010-09-05T21:02:00.000-07:00

Editor's Note: You may notice that this post is out of chronological sequence. Last spring I received a hand-written letter from Sam via snail mail with the following enclosed. He asked me to type it up and post it here. Unfortunately I received it at a rather busy time of year, and the task of typing it slipped to the bottom of my to-do list until now. I regret the delay, as this post comes seven months after it was written, but upon reading it I realized that, late though it is, it comes as at a fitting time, as Sam embarks on the final months of his full-time missionary service and prepares to return to the States. Let me add my testimony to his, that the work he is engaged in is focused on no other object than enoblement and exaltation of the human family.
-JWD
Elder Samuel Mohun Bhagwat
January 31, 2010

Dear Friends,

I haven’t corresponded with most of you in quite some time. Time, distance, out of sight, out of mind. Still you all hold a special place in my heart and I want to say hello.

It will be a long hello—be warned.

I have been thinking about what you probably thought when you saw this. “Sam has changed so much since I knew him.” That is true. But you are still just as much a friend of mine as the day we saw each other. I’d love to hear from any or all of you. And I think I’ve gained the experience in my new life to answer your next thought: “I wonder why?”

Let me tell you a bit about myself. You probably already knew, actually, I’m a deeply serious person. If something seems important, I’ll involve myself. In high school, chemistry, biology, physics equations, American history, British literature—all of these seemed important in some ultimate sense. At least, they are part of the Quest for Knowledge, and that is definitely important. And I find joy in learning and understanding how things work. So I did it all—captain of the Quiz Bowl Team, math project for Science Fair, you name it. At the same time I had an avid interest in world affairs—it was Important, after all.

Like any other human being, I have a sense of belonging. I want to be part of something bigger than myself. I want to spend my spare time and share my thoughts with those with the same values as myself. I want to know people who understand my hopes, dreams, interests, aspirations, because theirs are similar.

In high school, I remember Friday night hangouts turning into discussions of the teachers we all had together and the assignments they were giving. We always played games like Apples to Apples and Cranium—geek games for the geeks we were. We spent our free time building upon our common bond, I can say that much. The other smart kids who showed their attachment to different values by spending time with other social groups (Dara, Peter, Jason, Amanda, Frank, etc.), I paid less attention to, had less interest in, and (to only a small degree I hope) judged them as somewhat less of people.

I sought out people like Jesse, another Quiz Bowler, with whom I engaged in political discussions for nigh on six months. We bonded over Kafka and H.L. Mencken, and the libertarianism he slowly drew me to. Reading Chekhov’s “The Bet” in AP English Literature, I was drawn to the story of a man who gave up human associations for books for 15 years. It fascinated and tempted me. That was me. That was the society I was drawn to. That was the society I helped create.

Then I went to Stanford.

[A side note: I believe a society can be judged, in large part, by how its members
spend their free time. Therein are their values revealed.]

Still, I was fascinated with ideas. I spent much of my summer simply sitting and reading books about politics, absorbing ideas, turning them over in my mind. Before me, through books, stretched the history of past centuries, with myself as the arbiter of historical truth, intrigue, and mystery.

I continued this pattern at Stanford. I sunk my heart and soul into a four-member class on Soviet history where we learned to read texts: None of the other students seemed nearly as enthusiastic, so I didn’t become friends with them, but the professor loved me. In my dorm, many students were part of a class/program where they read texts from ancient civilizations to modern times and analyzed them; for example I picked up the nickname “Bhagwat Gita.” Soon I found myself wandering down the hall and joining the impromptu discussions of the more ardent and interested students. I grew close to them, and soon joined the program myself.

Disillusionment

Here’s the thing. After some time, I continued to eat, but the food failed to satisfy. I remember especially one novel, called Season of Migration to the North. The protagonist, a brilliant Sudanese man, goes to London and secures an excellent job, but finds ultimate emptiness, spends his time seducing women, marries one, and kills at her request, and finally he attempts suicide by swimming into a raging river. The last words of the book is his cry of “Help” after he realizes he wants to live, after all.

The professor at the head of the program acclaimed the book and lauded its insightfulness, how it really captured the essence of life, and so on. But my friends Lillia, Marisa, and I wondered: “is this all there is?”

Oh yeah, friends. Socially, I gravitated to two extremely dedicated and smart dormmates, Lillia and Marisa. The three of us were very close, and decided to live together the next year.

I was of two minds on another matter. The dorms are filled with 19 year olds who suddenly have no restriction on them; the result—at Stanford, too—is what could generously be termed loose morals. Hearing student co-workers, on the way to teach math to small innocent elementary school students, discuss casually, and with explicit detail, their friends hookups, drunken doings, and the like, I was torn internally between disgust and admiration for their blatant disregard for social norms. Externally, silence means consent, and while remaining so by action and by word I encouraged it more than I’d care to remember.

Over time, a thought grew in me. It took a bit of time for my disgust to overcome my admiration for this stuff and the chutzpah it required. As it did, the thought in me matured: this is the pinnacle of Achievement for American youth. The best and the brightest. This is why they exhaust their energy on differential calculus problem sets, engineering projects, and history papers. This is what they do when Friday night comes and they’re finally free of other obligations.

Three words: I want more.

I found glimpses of that “more”—a campus-wide super-soaker game and other events of the fraternity I joined; its real sense of brotherhood. Late night chats about life, purposes, plans with so many of you—Lia, Marisa, Lillia, Sonja, Martin, Josh, Cosmin. Treading so frantically in the waters of college life as I felt compelled to, your friendships were like so many breaths of fresh air. All of you take life seriously but have about you a sense of joy.

I’ll skip the journey (I’ve written about it elsewhere) and go straight to the oxygen tank. This is what gives me fresh air, what feeds and sates my inner yearnings for Importance. I know who I am. I am a son of God, and through awe and amazement take literally the Biblical promises about my, and all of our, potential to become like Him (for the Christians among you see Matthew 5:48 and 2 Corinthians 3:18).

Watching friends become part of that—going with high school friends to college parties, I was caught up a bit. Not to participate in, say, drinking, but to be a part of and feed off of the atmosphere. These were my homeboys—Nice-girl Q’s stories of partying and hookups. Walking with a drunken B. home at 2am, hearing him say, it tastes awful, but you get used to it, watching the beer pong, hearing a tipsy G. say, don’t tell K. [our mutual friend]. Hanging out with K., after the separations of two years of college, and her YouTube videos—wondering what had happened to our closeness. My dear friend H., hearing her sadly/sighingly get used to people describe her as “H. with big breasts.” The thong pictures plastered above my other female friend H.’s bed as a joke.

I love all of you, and I don’t want you thinking, “Okay, Sam turned to religion because he’s a prude and wanted some friends.” And I don’t want you thinking I’m obsessively against booze and sex. Every one of you that has felt the Spirit of God at any time—reading scripture, listening to a sermon, finally understanding something, having a heart-to-heart, serving others—knows the kind of inspired, sometimes excited, genuinely delighted response it elicits in us. My disgust—my sadness and lack of meaning, and wholesale emotional and intellectual rejection of this disorder and licentiousness, of the degraded views of ourselves and others they engender, their lightness with things that are sacred, I believe it was prompted by the same Spirit.

Intellectually, in that program, a landscape of dreary disillusionment—of a prestigious photographer flocked by beautiful women wanting to sleep with him for photos, bored by it all; Charlie Chaplin and a Metropolis plagued by self-destructing machinery (“Blow-Up”); of six play characters in a bizarre incestuous triangle, searching for their other, to complain and plead (“Six Characters in Search of an Author”); of three characters searching for an exit from hell, as a model for life (Sartre, “No Exit”); of a town, under siege from a plague, their hopes growing only to be dashed, having no control over their situation (Camus, “The Plague”). Intellectuals deciding life is pointless, so we may as well help each other.

It’s Saturday night in West Palm Beach. I’m almost 19, working full time for the first time. Now I’m sitting on a the couch in our apartment, listening to “A Tribute to the Prophet” by Joseph Nashville, a musical retelling of the life of Joseph Smith. “The boy, the faith, the prayers, the hate, the persecution, The Spirit, the peace…” remembering my conversion, the words, with strumming guitar and voice rising in intensity: “I don’t know all the answers but I’ll do my best/ To live up to the Rising that won’t let me rest/ Lord help me.” Thinking about my past, thinking about Paul’s analogy in Hebrews of a man traveling in a wilderness of temptation only to finally find rest in the Promised Land. Feeling the emotions well up in me of that summer and those songs and those nights and mornings spent sitting on my couch and letting the music run through me and trigger my emotions and wishes and desire for more.

Remembering: in Chennai on my mission, seven months ago, sitting on the couch of Prahash and Annie’s, with my converts. Listening to Michael and Hemalatha tell how now that they joined this church, their family was serious about God for the first time in their life. Their 18 and 15 year-old sons were actually excited about church. Remembering how Samuel (the 18 year old) absorbed and loved the five steps of the Gospel: faith, repentance, baptism, receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, Endure to the end. How energetically he defined and expounded them to his brother Daniel.

Remembering: Standing behind the font, hearing the words from my dear friend and companion Elder Tuscano: “Having been commissioned of Jesus Christ, I baptize you…” As Jeremiah, a brother I met on the street, taught, and now I was seeing him dressed in a white jump suit, pure before God, promising to follow Him for the rest of his life.

Thinking of the promises made by God to us, thinking of who God is and that I know who He is—cutting through “I’m already saved” and “God is a point of light, a power behind me” and “you really believe Jesus Christ came to the Americas” expressed in that tone of disbelief and frustration.

Cutting to the fruit, now delicious to me, “This is the great secret: that God who sits enthroned in yonder heavens is a man, like unto yourselves….The first principles of man are self existent with God. God Himself, finding he was in the midst of spirits and glory, because He was more intelligent, saw proper to institute laws whereby the rest could have a privilege to advance like Himself.” All the intelligences that God sent into the world are capable of enlargement, with “a faculty that may be enlarged in proportion to the heed and diligence given to the light communicated from heaven to the intellect; and that the nearer man approaches perfection, the clearer are his views, and the greater his enjoyments, till he has overcome the evils of his life and lost every desire for sin; and like the ancients, arrives at that point of faith where he is wrapped in the power and glory of his Maker, and is caught up to dwell with Him. But we consider that this is a station to which no man ever arrived in a moment.” (Teachings of The Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith p.210, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Salt Lake City Utah, 2007)

I feel home. I am home.

I love you. Come with me.

-Elder Samuel M. Bhagwat

Coimbatore, August 29

2010-09-05T20:17:00.000-07:00

I called the office and asked what the situation was for going home and they said that the date is indeed December18th. They said President Funk wanted us home for Christmas.

I appreciate your points about punctuality and respect. In India, people aren't very time-conscious. In addition, people show their respect and courtesy in different ways that often is detrimental to timeliness. For example, I've often told someone I had another appointment to go to, only for them to bring out snacks or tell me to stay so I could eat a meal. I understand this is a "guest culture", however it is still frustrating and challenging. But if I can be timely here, I can definitely do it in any situation.

(I think I told you about an American family I met in Chennai; the husband worked in Caterpillar and one of his main tasks was to instill certain American values, eg timeliness in the culture there. For example, he would start meetings on time and continue giving 20 minutes of his presentation even when no one else was there, and refuse to go back. I thought that was pretty amusing.)

I have been thinking about how people get what they want. Basically people with their lips say they want a lot of things -- a happy family, peace in their lives, leaving bad habits, etc etc.

Some people aren't willing to do anything -- those ones are pretty easy to weed out. But these are others who are willing to do some things towards their goal, but their effort falls short of what is necessary. Those are more difficult to detect and determine if you can help them.

The same thing, of course, applies to me -- we'll always plan our goals in the beginning of the week but when the week is coming to a close we're often short. One of Elder Riley's strengths is that he tracks how we're doing, and is willing to adjust his actions accordingly. On Friday, we hadn't really found anyone to teach this week, so on his prerogative we scheduled our whole afternoon and evening to go knock doors and try to find some new people. And it worked. It's really good -- he's teaching me a lot about meaning the goals we set and being willing to adjust our actions accordingly.

Love,
Sam

Coimbatore, August 22

2010-09-05T20:16:00.000-07:00

You may be amused to know that I can almost solve a Rubix cube now. Elder Riley was in bed sick for three days with body pains so I made him teach me. It wasn't actually that hard but for some reason I never learned. There's still one move I can't do to finish it off but I'm almost there.

(He's better now.)

I don't have a lot to say because I was working on the school stuff and getting a personal statement ready for that application. Elder Riley and I have been talking a lot about hard work and smart work. I am really growing to admire him because he's a goofball and always making jokes but we're also able to have the serious conversations.

For example, something I often do is out of a desire to meet more people (=work hard), is to schedule impossible appointments -- too close to each other in time, figuring some of them will cancel. (You probably recognize this as part of my tendency to overbook myself, and I know that too, but it's quite a difference between understanding the problem and solving it.)

While the assumption that some of them will cancel is often true, Elder Riley and I were talking a lot about good faith and how we should be reliable -- if people aren't reliable in return that's their fault, not ours. It's hard because it's a tradeoff of quantity (number of appointments) vs. quality (peace, stressfree-ness, reliability).

We then got into a discussion of what makes us have our different attitudes toward work, and I think I found some principles that really helped me. I get a lot of stuff done because I am hard-working, which is good, but many times I am hardworking because I become unhappy and frustrated if I'm not working which is not a very healthy attitude towards life.

I would continue on the same topic but I have to go, we're going to a village called Semmedu to sightsee. So with love, your son,
Sam

Coimbatore, August 16

2010-09-05T20:14:00.000-07:00

So bad news and good news.

The good news is that our preparation days changed to Monday which will be more calm and peaceful (Sunday is our most busy day) and also I get to write twice this week.

The bad news is that I forgot to tell you last week. So I have to wait another week to hear how you are :( sorry...

I got to spend a couple days with Elder Stephen, my first companion in Hyderabad. He is in Erode, which is a couple hours away from Coimbatore, and Elder Riley (=my companion) went to Erode to go on exchange with Elder Stephen's companion. So I got to be back with Elder Stephen.

We didn't get along very well when we were companions, and since then both of us have been trying to mend and repair our relationship. It was good to be back together because we had a chance to do that -- saying hi and catching up is one thing but living and work together is another. That was mostly a success. We just did the small things like exchanging ideas when planning, laying on our beds with the lights out and talking. Another small thing: making jokes.

One of his main problems with us was that I didn't get his jokes, which usually involved saying something that didn't make sense or was obviously untrue, and he didn't get my jokes, which usually involved making up hypothetical situations. And then on Friday I made a joke like the ones he makes. It's 10:30 so we're about to turn off the lights. Elder Stephen is in a new apartment so he's a bit confused. "Where's the light," he asks me. I almost flip the light switch but then suddenly an idea pops to mind so I point at the light. He looks at the light confusedly and scans his eyes around a little bit for the switch, before he gets it. He laughs, "Elder Bhagwat made a joke," he says in half amusement, half amazement. It's a small thing but I was very happy about it.

Yesterday was, of course, Independence Day. I didn't see anything too out of the ordinary, just the normal streamers of flags. One church member pinned an India flag on me which was cool.

Don't have a lot else to say -- I hope everything was good and happy. If I think of anything else I'll definitely write.

With love,

Sam

Coimbatore, August 10

2010-08-22T21:24:00.000-07:00

Dear mother,
Life is happy here. My main non-missionary-related accomplishment of the last week is learning Tamil, I can read about 50% of Tamil now. (I can read the writing though I don't know the meaning)

One of the other elders got transferred in the morning on Friday and his companion didn't get in until the evening, so we went around all day in a triple, the other two elders talked to each other and I happily read all the dual Tamil/English signs and started figuring everything out. It's pretty easy because for example, you might have "Sri Venkateshwara Bakery," there are tons of "Sri" signs around so I figured out what S, r, and "ee" were very quickly. Then "Venkateswara" is a name so it's the same in Tamil, and "Bakery" is "Bakery" in Tamil, so the whole thing is just transliterated.
One strange thing about Tamil is they have this weird C-like character except it has curls on the end parts. If they want to make and "O" sound like "Show" you add that C character before and an "aa" character (which looks like the pi symbol) afterwards. So the words all are really long to write out. Hindi and Telugu scripts are much more compact.
President and Sister Funk were in town this week for a church conference. Most of the church in India is at least nominally in English, but there are two Tamil-speaking branches in villages near Coimbatore also, and all the members came on Sunday for the conference. And a bunch of members came on a bus from Erode also, which is another nearby city but more village-like. It was interesting to watch the demographic completely change from what we usually see on Sunday.
President Nichols would often express love for the Indian people, and we could always tell his sincerity by the specific compliments he used. President Funk expresses love also, in a different way, but we could tell by his mannerism and his genuine interest that he meant it.
There is always a deep love between the church members here and the mission president. To start with, they recognize that he and his wife are making a large sacrifice of time and money and energy in serving. Both President Nichols and Funk exude care and concern in their mannerism, and members looking for someone to love and look up to find a perfect model in the mission president.
The LDS Church is young here – most members weren’t born as members. Even if their immediate family also joined the church, their extended family didn’t. And you know how strong the tie of communal identity is in India. For example, I’ve heard people refer to themselves as belonging to the “Roman Catholic caste.” And that’s within Christianity; for the Hindu converts the perceived change in communal identity is even greater.
The results, from personal experience. My convert families Michael and Hemalatha family didn’t tell his family he joined a different church, and my (Hindu-background) converts Raju and Saraswathi family in Vizag didn’t tell their relations (who live in Hyderabad and Mumbai) that they were baptized.
So basically, while church members by and large love the church and seek to identify themselves with it they are also rooted by family and associations in other traditions pulling them in different ways. And even in church, in addition to normal forces of disunity like pride and gossip, people that come from different religious backgrounds and seeking to mold a new identity, results in somewhat of a tug-of-war at times.
As President and Sister Funk come and visit and preside -- and to a lesser degree the senior couples that come also, and again to a lesser degree us as elders -- people find a sense of civic pride and unity, something to rally around. The love and concern they express is readily absorbed and radiated back at them. And they indeed do provide a focal point both of affection and of the directions needed to minimize contention and create a safe and happy family at church, where the people’s desires (for belonging, truth, unity, direction to guide their lives, uplifting friendship) can be fulfilled.
This week was the first time they’ve come to Coimbatore, so it was the beginning of this molding process of affection for the Funks, in this city.
Anyway, hope that was a clear illustration, so with love,
Sam

Coimbatore, July 28

2010-08-22T21:23:00.001-07:00

Elder Riley and I are getting along well. Like my last American companion Elder Gervais we are very little alike (he was an Idahoan skateboarding and snowboarding semi-punk high schooler before his mission) but it doesn't really matter too much. We've been spending a lot of time laying in our beds at night just talking and telling stories about our lives so we know who each other are, which is the most important thing.

Elder Riley works hard also and understands what things are effective, especially which people we are going to be able to help and which ones we aren't. When we think seriously and honestly about it, we often realize that we aren't able to help someone, but they often are still happy to have us continue visiting. We are visiting far fewer people here than in Hyderabad but it seems we are able to plan for and concentrate on the people we are visiting.

Coimbatore is a pretty nice city, it's fairly developed with some Western shopping outlets (Reebok, etc) but we stay and roam in the more residential, less city-like portion. The sambar is really good here but the vegetable fries aren't any good; in Andhra the opposite is true. So when we get meals (=thali), we just have rice and sambar instead of rice and vegetable fry.

That's about all, life is good, I'm happy, so
with love,
Sam

Hyderabad, July 13

2010-07-25T13:38:00.000-07:00

I'm getting transferred to Coimbatore, in Tamil Nadu, and will be leaving on Friday morning. So much for all my Telugu. I hear it's a very beautiful place and hope to see some of it on preparation day. That will require convincing my new companion Elder Riley. I knew him in Chennai, he's a pretty good guy, hard-working and goofy.

With love,
Sam

Hyderabad, July 1

2010-07-25T13:34:00.000-07:00

Dear mother,

Everything is going well here. I've been with Elder John for 15 weeks now, which is the longest I've been with any companion. It's really good, because by now we've figured out pretty well how to work together. Also, he was only out 9 weeks before he came with me, so by now being my companion is basically his mission experience. I hope it's a good thing.

Elder Gervais had kind of the same situation (after being out in India six weeks, he was with the same companion for 4.5 months, but told me that he was pretty stunted by it -- his companion never really let him do a lot, so he never learned a lot, and after being in India for six months he was still only pulling 20% of the weight. I kept that warning more or less in mind, and tried to divide the workload fairly evenly.

It was challenging at times, because sometimes Elder John will do things differently than me -- be more bold and direct in telling people they need to change, for example. Is it wrong? No...it's not how I would do it though. But over the last few weeks, I've gotten a better sense of what is wrong and what is style, and what he actually does better than me. As a result, we can work better, and work together.

It's been especially encouraging the last couple weeks to hear my usually quiet companion offering suggestions here and there - "Let's read from the White Handbook twice a week." "We should study patience." "Let's take Raju to see Kumar." Or when I start to see him doing or saying (good) things that I do and say. "So brother, if understanding correctly you think that...." And when we split up and cover different appointments, it's exciting to hear his enthusiastic reports of what he did, pretty much all by himself.

Sometimes Elder John looks at me, and it's clear he has no idea what to say. But heck, I was thinking about what I was like at his mission age. At this time, I had finished being Elder Tuscano's companion and was with Elder Bartlett. And I remember when I had no idea of how to relate to the guitar-toting college student Anthony that we were teaching, so I would just be quiet and let the more talkative and macho Elder Tuscano take care of it. Or Sister Jerry would burst into tears and unload her heart to us and I would just look at Elder Bartlett because I had no earthly idea what to say. So I went through this too.

I was different than he is, sure. Some of the strengths I had then he hasn't developed -- but also vice versa. That's a reminder to me to shut up and hold my tongue before I re-do or un-do something he just did differently than I would have done it.

That's my life, in short --
With love,
Elder Bhagwat

Hyderabad, June 23

2010-06-28T11:52:00.000-07:00

Our exciting adventure story of the week. We got completely drenched on Friday night, there was a movie night at the church and we were trying to leave about 8:30 pm and make the normally-5-minute-walk home but it was completely pouring. That sister Pradeepa lives across the street but she had to call her husband Nagendra to come pick her and the kids up in their car it was raining so bad.

As for us we waited an hour for the rain to stop. It didn't, so we ran across the street and proceeded to carefully walk on the raised, six-inch-wide concrete curb to avoid slushing through the inch of water that had already made it onto the road. And to no avail - the dirt road leading to our apartment building was completely covered, and I ended up back in our apartment building with my feet and socks completely drenched, not to mention the rest of my body. And then the power was out. Luckily, our neighbors have a generator, and due to some strange circuitry it powers one light and the fan in the entrance room, so after changing clothes and hurriedly planning, I dragged my mattress into the room with a fan and promptly collapsed.

Life this week is otherwise pretty good. The branch that we were in split, which I'd been hearing would happen for 7 months. It's very exciting, now we're the only elders in the branch which is a bit weird.

Yeah, the Pradeepa story.

In the family there are five members: Nagendra, Pradeepa, their two children Vineela, 4 and Tej Abishek, 2 -- they go by Vinny and Bunny -- and Pradeepa's younger sister Prashanti. Nagendra and Pradeepa are in their early 30s and Prashanti is in her mid-20s.

(Sorry, this is a much more interesting story when Pradeepa and Nagendra tell it, but I'll do my best.)

They grew up in East Godivari, which is a coastal district in Andhra Pradesh. Their parents were friends, and Nagendra and Pradeepa went to the same college, so they ran across each other from time to time. They had each finished their bachelors' degrees in computer science and Pradeepa's parents were trying to find a match for her when Nagendra got wind of this and in typical Indian commit-first-get-to-know-each-other-later fashion decided to propose to her. Pradeepa, however, wasn't having any of it. They didn't have any contact for two months, until, Nagendra says laughingly, she called him back and said "Ok, I guess I'll marry you."

As you might expect, neither of their parents were at all happy with this. Both of their families are quite well off, but they were welcome in neither home and had to go live on their own for a while. Pradeepa's family not only constantly told her to leave Nagendra and come back, they kept searching for a match for her for three years. Though after 18 months in India I've heard of many ways that parents have threatened, harassed, or otherwise undercut their children's spouses, this seems to be the most innovative. They stopped, for the usual reason -- Vineela was born.

The first thing Elder Stephen told me about this family is: "They really love each other." And whenever we visit I see he was so right.

Gazing around at the crayon-marked walls and pile of toys falling out of the 1m x 1m x 1xm box and scattered around the floor, as Bunny sits in his plastic toy car, turning the pedals and driving it excitedly over the doorjamb and then turning into the hallway.

Pradeepa's comment, repeated many times over these seven months: "My children are crazy brother!" Sometimes this was phrased as a question: "Are my children crazy? Have you seen other children this crazy before brother?" I always said that they were only a little crazy (not true) to be nice; until we brought a member named Solomon with us who said "Yes," and Pradeepa was very happy. We realized then that she wasn't seeing if we'd criticize of her children, she was seeking our appreciation of her for managing her crazy children. Doh.

That same time with Solomon: Bunny started playing with a small rock and after throwing it up in the air a couple of times he decided it would be interesting to throw the rock at us (we elders were sitting on the couch with Solomon). Luckily I was watching Bunny at the time so I caught the rock. Somehow he got the rock back and when I tried to take it away from him he started crying and shouted at me in Telugu that the next time I tried to take it away from me he would come and beat me with it. Pradeepa's response was her typical response at her children's antics --- exasperated, loving laughter.

When Vineela started school, the family moved across the street from the church, so that she could attend a nearby school named Genesis International School. This is a parochial school but unlike almost all other parochial schools it is explicitly Christian but unaffiliated with the Catholic church. To give you a sense of how strange this is I should give you some background.

Pradeepa is Roman Catholic; her father ghostwrites speeches for the local Catholic archbishop. Nagendra is Hindu, but only in the cultural sense. At the beginning of their marriage they decided to adopt a policy of laissez-faire on religion. As we visited this family we kept having conversations like:

Pradeepa (when Nagendra was not around): "I'm not reading my Bible brother! Every time when I have some free time I do something else instead. Nagendra knows that makes me happy so he keeps telling me to read my Bible and come to church for prayer, but I'm not doing it."

Us (somewhat befuddled): "Well you should definitely read your Bible then Sister Pradeepa. And come pray in church anytime."

***(After we re-committed Pradeepa to stop tea and coffee; she was drinking six cups of tea a day. Keep in mind when we committed Pradeepa to stop Nagendra was at work.)***

Pradeepa: "I'm still taking two cups of tea a day brother! I'm trying to stop, but it's hard! I told Nagendra a couple days ago I was trying to stop so he completely left tea coffee, and he's telling me I can definitely stop also."

Pradeepa: "Since you brothers started coming to our house last May Nagendra feels a lot better about Christianity. He says, wow these brothers are serving God at such a young age. He wants to send [2-yo] Bunny for a mission. Should we start saving 5 lakh rupees?"

I'm sure that I would have encountered some similar situations had I served in America, but while India has many strengths, the supportive, understanding, caring husband persona is not really one of them. I'm pretty amazed by Nagendra. He speaks like the system administrator he is. "We can't force Vinny and Bunny to be good, we just have to create the best possible environment for them."

Elders have been visiting since last May, with some occasional interruptions. Mostly, if we don't think someone is ready, or could be after we work some more with them, to commit themselves, make necessary life changes, and be baptized, we'll stop visiting. Pradeepa was coming to church, but we didn't know because her kids would not leave her alone -- she would just come and sit with Vinny in Primary, so we wouldn't see her. I liked the family but thought Elder Stephen was wasting our time when he insisted on visiting the family so often. Moreover, we weren't really getting along so I didn't respect his opinion a lot.

When he got transferred Elder Gervais and I visited maybe twice in three months. Once when we stopped by their house in the afternoon Pradeepa was distraught, seemingly close to tears, that we weren't visiting their house. "Brother, come often, come without appointment, no problem." Tugging on my arm, to boot. Even Nagendra told us to come often, emphasizing we could definitely come visit Pradeepa when he was not there.

After that, to make a long story short, we started coming regularly, dropping by her house, giving her passages to read. She started reading, and by now has read about 300 pages of the Book of Mormon. She expressed her desire to make her children comfortable in the church. So then she started coming to church to meet us. We gave her scripture story books to read with her kids. And then she started meeting all the members. One really wonderful sister named Soumya took her out for shopping. They spent the whole afternoon together and looked happy as clams.

And her vision for the future: coming to church, not even attending services, just sitting with her kids in Primary. So they would get comfortable with church. Week after week, month after month. And last week we finally got them friends with the Primary teacher so they wanted to be in class and let their mom go to class.

Near the end of May, we invited her to be baptized, and she said definitely, yes. Because it was a strange situation with a husband that was supportive but not interested, we had her meet with one of our leaders. Nagendra was deeply concerned about how his extended family would feel and so asked her not to be baptized. Our leader said to definitely honor that request; she'll continue coming to church and when the situation resolves itself, she'll be baptized. She seemed pretty understanding of our youth and inexperience also; she didn't tell us this situation. Instead, she explained it to our leader, who broke it down for us. She told him: "they're like my little brothers, I love them coming, and they're helping my family, but there's no way they'll understand this situation."

Due to the branch splitting we'll no longer be visiting; the other elders will. Her story will pass out of my life and into other elders. Pradeepa seemed distraught again that I was leaving her, one another in a long string. But I'm content. The ribbon is tying together nicely and I'm moving onwards, but I love this family and feel like I have done some good.

With love,
Sam

Hyderabad, June 15

2010-06-20T15:47:00.000-07:00

A "share auto" - haven't you learned? Google image search it! :) It's a big autorickshaw that can carry 6 to 12 people at a time, that travel along major highways and bus routes picking up and dropping off people. Share auto drivers do it for a living but are joined by two groups of people.

(1) Private cab and bus drivers. These people pick up and drop off call center and other outsourcing people working night shift, as well as, less common, some people with extremely good corporate jobs on day shift. However, when they're not doing that they have nothing to do with their cars and often run the bus routes along with the share autos. Also many companies will have private buses to get their employees to and from work, and the bus drivers will do the same thing, which is very lucrative but will also get you fired if anyone in authority finds out and presses the matter.

(2) People driving to work.

There is an analogous name for this in the US, which I forget at the moment. I remember reading that these used to be somewhat common in cities until cities instituted the licensing system for taxis (because taxis and buses resented competition and leaned on city councils to stop it).

So no, we are not driving. Anyway, can you imagine Americans driving along Indian city roads?

We had our last zone conference with President Nichols, which was nice but at the same time very sad. He and Sister Nichols will return home on July 1. I will miss him very much, he's perhaps the most understanding, insightful, and genuinely loving person I have ever met. I'm sure the new mission president, President Funk, will be good also, but he will always have a special place in my heart.

These last few days I've been getting better about my exercises and timeliness. I've been pretty bad at these because Elder John is new so he looks to me as an example instead of gently reminding me or inspiring me to do these things. Ie, I have to motivate myself.

It's my experience that if I can discipline myself to do those things, which are entirely within my control, it becomes easier to discipline myself to do harder things. On the most basic level if I don't have a good morning it's difficult to have a good day -- and I can tell that our days are better as I focus myself in the morning. On the time management level, I find myself hanging out and chilling less when we need to go and do something. I engage less frequently in that perennial delusion where I look at my watch and say "well, it won't really take 20 minutes to travel there." (This is of course more tempting in India where the "Baba 5 minutes" is a universal phenomenon.) It's only been a few days but I already feel happier.

There are many side tangents I could go on, but I think I'll leave it at that for now. Life's good, with love,

Sam

Hyderabad, June 8

2010-06-20T15:45:00.000-07:00

A lot of things have happened this week but nothing neatly wrapped up in a bow to write you about. We started taking a couple of 13 and 10yo kids with us to some families we are teaching (they have kids the same age). We bug all the young single adult males to come with us all the time, so they're kind of sick of it. But Kevin and Calvin are actually way excited to come with us, they eagerly put on their white shirt and tie and jump on the back of our cycles or in share autos with us.

Of course, it makes complete sense - they probably never have any grown-up people other than their parents or their teachers at church pay attention to them, ask them questions, listen to their responses, or give them responsibilities. And we're Elders, which makes us (more-mature) BMOC. Also it helps parents of the family we're teaching get a vision for their family when they ask us about the story in the beginning of the Book of Mormon and a kid answers their questions. Kevin and Calvin are very mature, intelligent, and observant given their age and the parents can see a model for their children.

Not so much to write as I said but life is good.
Love,
Sam

Hyderabad, June 1

2010-06-20T15:44:00.000-07:00

This week has been pretty interesting. I'm learning some lessons in delegation this week.

We had some spare time waiting for an appointment at the church, and was talking to the previously mentioned sister Soumya's husband Suresh. Suresh is in charge for all the young-adult-religion-classes in India, and was having some problems getting local leaders who have stewardship over young adults to take adequate responsibility and initiative for inviting and enrolling their students in these programs. He just started running some ideas past me, not really seeking my advice but just so as he talked to someone he could think more clearly. (I'm sure you know how that works). After he talked for ten or fifteen minutes, reasoning out loud and changing his plans in mid-sentence, figuring out how he would word letters and frame requests, he came up with something he was happy with.

"If I had just done the status quo, I would have left my office a couple of hours ago," he said laughing.

"Isn't it funny," I replied. "Figuring out how to delegate correctly takes more time than just doing everything yourself."

And then, the joke was on myself.

In this branch there are about 500 or 550 members on paper, maybe 200 will come on any given Sunday, and a significant fraction haven't come in several years. As I'm sure you know, technically branch members are supposed to visit each other and support all the members, including those who aren't coming to church, but in reality that requires habit-forming and dedication in busy lives and few members actually do that. The result is that a lot of people don't get visited.

As elders, we're pretty busy running around visiting and teaching people who aren't church members and don't have a lot of time to go spiritually shepherding people who are supposed to be (at least primarily) under the watchcare of the branch. In order to effectively focus our attention, we pay an especially close on people who were recently baptized into the Church and their families.

Generally elders are a pretty unifying force here; perhaps because infighting is a pretty big problem (some explanation: this doesn't have so much to do with the Indian people or the moral quality of people that join the Church; it's just a common problem that happens when a bunch of new people come together and try to form a family or society and happens pretty much whenever the Church is newly organized in a place.)

Moreover this branch in particular is filled with a lot of dedicated, experienced people that returned from their missions but don't have a lot of responsibilities in church.

The bottom line: there are many experienced people want more stuff to do and ask us, or say yes when we ask them.

I was explaining this semi-jokingly this situation to a church member named Raju. "We're entrepreneurs. Businessmen. We're paid to connect people who need stuff with people that have that stuff." (the monetary joke, of course, is on us) "There are lots of people who need stuff to do to grow spiritually. And there are lots of people who need people in the church to be their friend."

When I started to think about it, I realized there were three recently baptized sisters who really needed more friends and advice, plus about four or five recently baptized or married brothers whose wives aren't church members and don't really feel comfortable coming to church.

The former lack supporting sources and counselors as they seek to make important decisions about jobs, marriage, and living location. As elders, even if we had the time we're not allowed to counsel sisters.

For the latter, (and yes, I really believe the following statement) the Church and the teachings of Christ make their most dramatic impact in the relationships Church members have with others, especially family members, and it's difficult for the Church to help a family become stronger, to heal deep wounds and build loving, trusting relationships, if only one spouse is a Church member.

Moreover, we are brothers, and so if we visit their homes their wives will probably just go and sit in the kitchen as per Indian culture, and if they stay outside they might not speak English.

So taking all of this in mind we started organizing Church sisters to go visit these two groups of people. So far we've made plans for five sisters to be visited and four sisters to visit them and have more plans for several of them in progress. It's going to take a lot of coordination, specific instruction and follow-up, but I'm really excited. And this is completely new for me, I've never done it before and never dreamed it was possible to like, coordinate something!

With love,

Sam

Hyderabad, May 25

2010-06-20T15:42:00.000-07:00

This week some interesting occurences went on with a 22yo brother named Siddharth that we're teaching. The first time we met him about eight weeks back, he was wearing a Playboy shirt (though he might not have known what that actually meant) and was telling us how his primary purpose of life was 'to enjoy', along with rather lewd references about sisters in general and specifically his plans to visit his two girlfriends in Pune. (He's from Maharashtra, a place called Solapur.)

I sighed, took a deep breath, questioned how I could ever connect with this worldly person, thought deeply, and opened my Bible. We read with him a story in the New Testament you might know or remember, the Parable of the Talents. A brief review either way: one man is given five talents, another two, another one, the last buries it in the ground and is scolded severely, the first two take theirs and double it and are rewarded richly. He had a book his friend Lakshman, a church member friend, had left him, and we assigned him to read a chapter on the same topic, called "Developing Your Talents." We came the next day, Tuesday, and he was completely changed.

He read the chapter, he loved it, and he wanted to listen to everything we had to say. He stopped drinking 4 cups of tea a day, changed his plans with his girlfriend and his whole attitude and demeanor towards life, and started praying, reading the scriptures and coming to church and volleyball, also spending several hours in the hot sun searching for a new room for a church member named Vijaya whose family is kicking her out of her house.

This Friday, a chain of events started with his cousin-brother going and taking a couple thousand rupees worth of diesel from Siddharth's work site that he maintains (a cell phone tower). Siddharth let him take it - he thought it was a legitimate request and didn't realize his cousin-brother was going to steal it. His cousin-brother was caught and fired. Siddharth didn't get into any trouble but suffered several consequences like his work site being moved 30 minutes away - it used to be next to the church, so he would come every day to pray and play volleyball - and not being able to come to church and his scheduled baptism on Sunday. Siddharth was pretty let down and depressed about this. We were talking on Monday night. The conversation went something like this, in more broken English than this:

Siddharth: "All of my relatives are calling me and asking me, why Parmeshwar has come back?"

Me: "Did you tell them the truth?"

Siddharth :No, I just told them 'Job is not there.' Tell me, I did the right thing?"

Me: "[some hemming and hawing on my part because I had no idea what the right answer was.] Well, why didn't you tell them?"

Siddharth: "I was praying about what to do. Immediately after praying, the idea came to mind, don't tell them. It's the first time he's done that. If I told them, afterwards they would all be scolding him, 'Why did you do that,' 'Why did you do that." Then he might feel all embarassed by that and do it again." (Jacob omit this) [He later went on to explain how he spent 10,000 rupees out of his own pocket to erase the police complaint against him in case it ever came up for future jobs. And keep in mind this guy earns maybe 4 or 5 thousand rupees a month.]
Me: {deeply impressed} "Well, I think you did the right then Siddharth."

Siddharth: "He said, ki (='that' in Hindi), let me stay at your site and do other job. I told him. ki, you can't do that. Maybe some supervisor come, then they say, We trusted you Siddharth. And I kept telling him, ki, don't smoke, don't drink. (He used to keep coming to Siddharth's site 'fully drunk') He's my elder brother. Each time I told, he just tells, ki, 'I know what is right and what is wrong.' I was sitting next to him on Sunday and I told him about stopping the police complaint and that I wouldn't tell our relatives. I told him, ki, I'm doing this for you."

Me: "What did he say?"

Siddharth: "Silent."

Me: "It's so frustrating, isn't it? You love someone and you give them all of your help and attention and love and they aren't even grateful."

Siddharth: "So frustrating yaar!"

Me: "[laughs] Well I know how it feels too. We deal with that every day. Listen, I want to tell you something. Can I tell?"

Siddharth: "Tell."

Me: "I was asking my leader about that a while ago, and he said, 'Welcome to the club.' Every person who wants to do good things feels like this. It's part of being a good person. We can't feel the joy from helping others without feeling like that. It's all part of the package. [I open my scriptures].

Here, look at this in the Book of Mormon, a brother named Alma. "I trust that I shall also have joy over you, nevertheless I do not desire that my joy over you should come by the cause of so much afflictions and sorrow which I have had for the brethren at Zarahemla, for behold, my joy cometh over them after wading through much affliction and sorrow.'

Or here, a brother named Ammon: 'And we have suffered all manner of afflictions, and all this, that perhaps we might be the means of saving some soul, and we supposed our joy would be full if perhaps we could be the means of saving some.''

Or here, this brother is named Mormon. 'And my people began to swear before the heavens that they would avenge themselves of their blood of their brethren who had been slain by their enemies, and would cut them off from the face of the land. And it came to pass that I, Mormon, did utterly refuse from this time forth to be a commander and leader of this people, because of their wickedness and abominations. Behold, I had led them, notwithstanding their wickedness I had led them many times to battle, and had loved them, according to the love of God which was in me, with all my heart; and my soul had been poured out in prayer unto my God all the day long for them; nevertheless, it was without faith, because of the hardness of their hearts.''

So you're not alone."

[Siddharth continues describing his brother's behavior and complaining about it, but it's clear he's happy to have someone to talk to, who understands.] Siddharth: "In world, 80 percent of the people don't care about other people. They only care about 'Myself.' I'm happy to be here with 20 percent." [He smiles, and slaps my knee.]

That's life - all's well.

With love,
Sam

Hyderabad, May 18

2010-06-20T15:41:00.000-07:00

Life is good. Elder John and I are doing well. Elder John is writing his friend and decided to test her by seeing if she is paying close attention to his e-mails. How? She asked what his birthday was, and he replied, "February 30."

This afternoon there was a wedding so we were attending, eating lunch and then playing table tennis and cricket. This morning we were studying the section in our manual on asking questions and we discovered that the effectiveness of the questions we ask. It was really interesting, an opportunity to reflect back on sixteen months of interacting with people and I found I actually learned a lot, the manual presented some situations like 'The person you're teaching faces opposition from colleagues at work' and I was able to think of the right way to ask questions to show genuine interest and understand what's going on without making the person feel uncomfortable.

Then we looked at the people we're visiting now and realized that the effectiveness of our questions is generally determined by the truthfulness frankness and seriousness of the person answering, which directly correlated with the strength of our relationship with them. Duh, but actually really helpful and interesting.

Probably being able to communicate the right way and ask the right questions in the right way is a large part of building a strong relationship in the first place. So a bit of a chicken and egg problem I guess.

Love,
Sam

Hyderabad, May 4

2010-06-20T15:39:00.000-07:00

Elder John and I after we improved our relationship

Life is good.

Elder John and I had been getting along fine, but 'getting along fine' isn't the goal, 'loving, understanding, supporting and serving' is.

So I was thinking a lot about what I told you about earlier, how President Nichols had been saying that everyone has different ways of communicating and I was trying to figure out how my companion communicates. The immediate cynical answer was "He doesn't," because he's so quiet and it's hard to figure out what he's thinking, on top of that he's new and so probably uncomfortable voicing his opinion due to lack of experience. That made it hard to plan together, talk together, counsel together.

But on Friday morning it came to me. "He makes small jokes."

Some sort of intuition; not prompted by memories, but as soon as it occurred to be a flood of memories marched forward as evidence.

"Okay," I thought. "I can do this."

And so I set off, determined to make fun of my companion until our relationship blossomed. We taught together, we practiced asking questions or teaching material together. And I made fun of him. And the weather. And everyone we knew (in a good way). And voila, it worked, or rather is working. Now he's making fun of me too (which as you know is pretty easy). He has this great, drawn-out way of saying "Elder Bhagwat," and I know, the joke's on me.

Most importantly, a lot of lessons we're in my mouth has been firmly shut for most of the time. Elder Gervais - one of the most people-people that I know - told me before he went to let Elder John talk, because he'd been stunted by a second companion that didn't. He only really started to talk his half of the time when he was with me - after being on his mission for nine months.

Elder Gervais.

Yesterday was zone conference, so all the elders in Hyderabad gathered together with President and Sister Nichols. President Nichols' PowerPoint included different elders' experiences in their own words as they shared experiences showing their maturity (willingness to admit faults without kicking themselves, sharing insights, showing they're recognizing their weaknesses and trying to improve). If they were there they read their own quotes; if not President had one of their former companions read it for them. Elder Gervais' picture, name, and quote flashed on the board, and I automatically stood up.

"That's all mine, President."

"Oh yes it is, Elder Bhagwat. You two weren't companions, you were practically married to each other. (other elders' laughter). Every week I'd get letters: 'Please don't transfer Elder Bhagwat.' 'I'm learning so much from Elder Gervais.'"

"Pretty much, President."

That was the funny part, with me in the spotlight, but it was a really good presentation. My MTC companion, Elder Diamond, shared a really good story. There was a church member named Savitha, and they were visiting her sister Sharmila and encouraging to read the scriptures, come to church, and such. She always said she would, but never did, so he and his companion decided to go back to the basics, to ask questions and start with some things they knew. Or, it turns out, only thought they did.

"Sharmila, do you love your sister?"

"No."

(stunned silence on elders' side)

"Well, is there anything you at least like about her?"

(after some hemming and hawing) "Well, she has a cute baby face. And she prays."

The elders ask the next logical question.

"Savitha, do you love your sister?"

The answer was also "no," and this sister couldn't think of anything she liked about the other one. Elder Diamond continued: "We thought we'd made a big mistake, because they started fighting then. In Telugu. But Sunday came around and there was Sharmila, and there was Savitha, and they were sitting right next to each other." (And as time went on their relationship continued to improve.)

One elder that I have a lot of respect for, Elder Hunn, said something really good. "In Rajahmundry we had a lot of people that wanted our help, even were begging for us to visit their home. But nothing ever happened, nothing changed really in any of the families. Looking back on it now, it wasn't that we were doing anything stupid, or outright wrong. It was just that we didn't understand how to focus on those we could help. I'm hoping to change that in Hyderabad."

One of President Nichols' conclusions, which I found very insightful, was that because we loved these people, we were not looking at them with a clear lens and being able to understand exactly what they were thinking and feeling. As a result, we were misjudging their level of commitment and their reasons for it, not understanding what principles really touched them, and not concentrating our limited time and energy on the right people. Thus, we miss the chance to do the right thing at the right time to help the person who's ready to successfully change their life. Not because we are lazy or stupid or unloving, but just because we didn't know what to do.

(As for helping the person who's ready to be helped, there's a whole sidenote about this with that family.. We called President Nichols about it a while back. His response:

"I've been in the marriage counseling business for a long time. If two people come to you and say, 'We want to make this work we just don't know how, please tell us how we can, we'll do whatever you say,' you have a chance, maybe. Otherwise, it's just a good way to suck out all of your time and love and mental energy that could actually be used for doing something productive.")

Mostly, I'm writing all of this because I've been thinking about these topics a lot recently. I guess it revolves around change for good or bad, and how to encourage and facilitate the one and prevent the other, and how many times good intentions are insufficient to the task, and how I must conquer pride, and its stepchild self-deception, to be effective.

My mind comes back to one of my personal mottos, which I stole from a man named Eugene England. I think I'll conclude with it.

"It is not enough to be sincere, you must also be right. It is not enough to be right, you must also be effective."

With love,

Sam

Hyderabad, April 21

2010-04-25T18:32:00.001-07:00

We ride cycles, but only in smaller towns (Coimbatore, Kakinada, Rajahmundry, Kollar Gold Fields, Goa, plus us). There are nine companionships in Hyderabad and we are the only one with cycles, and we just ride them in the government quarters part of our area, which is really nice and not busy at all. Also it's like 10 degrees cooler than the rest of Hyderabad because of all the trees. (Look up BHEL, Hyderabad on Google Earth for an idea). My companion refuses to wear his helmet though, says it makes him sweat too much. Oh well.

Last week my front tire got punctured, so while we were waiting at the side-of-the-road bicycle stand for them to be ready I was watching this 10 year old kid repair another cycle. It was pretty cool watching him just bend the tire, pull the inner tube out from between the rubber tire and the metal frame, put it under the container of water (easy way to check where the punctures are, air will bubble up), cut some rubber off of a waste inner tube, and apply the adhesive to put it over the puncture. He so logically and methodically worked through this entire process and a couple more steps and then the cycle worked again! It was pretty cool watching a 10yo kid do that. Punctures seem to be more a way of life for us than an unfortunate exception to the norm, alas.

As per the food. Being a companionship is kind of like being married. Half the places I would want to eat at would give Elder Gervais pretty bad motions or not make him full. We would eat Indian food but no meals (=rice plus daal, sambar, vegetable fry) or tiffins (parotta, masala dosai, iddly, etc), only places that had nonveg curries with roti or naan. Food was very important to him whereas I didn't really care, so he decided that and gave in on other matters.

Life was good this last week, I'm moving ahead on a couple projects that involves lots of different colored gel pens and creating games and more interactive ways of teaching. Basically writing out a lot of different principles with attached scripture references and some questions/problems like "How can I have a stronger relationship with my spouse?" and "How can I avoid temptations that are all around me?". We have people pick one of the questions that apply to them and randomly select some of the principles, and then ask them to apply. How can these principles give you help with your problems? It's taking up a lot of my time but is producing good results, so I like it. Other than that a lot of people I really like visiting are busy or out of station right now. Alas.

That's about all this week, with love,
Sam

Hyderabad, April 13

2010-04-25T18:31:00.002-07:00

This week has been all right. I miss Elder Gervais a little bit but life goes on. Mostly I just miss the second voice that gives me advice when I don't know what we should do, that talks when I don't know what to say or how to say it, that calls people on the phone or makes me do it when I don't want to. Elder John is a really good guy, friendly, smart, hardworking, but he just doesn't have a lot of experience. Again, life goes on and I'm trying to be the best companion and help Elder John learn as much as I can.

What's new? There's the small things: the summer is making us sweat and our bike tires go flat quickly. My diet has changed - I'm now eating tiffins again (masala dosai, parotta, etc), I love eating them but Elder Gervais put his executive veto on it. Without external motivation, my morning exercises have slackened in intensity. I need to reverse that. We realized we had no idea what to do with the wheat bran that had been sitting in our freezer for 4 months so we threw it out this morning. I burned some brownies last Wednesday, I put in too much butter and when I put in the knife it came out buttery so I left it in the oven. (doh!)

There has been a reallocation of the small tasks. I keep forgetting to put the geyser on in the morning so I get cold showers. I do remember to put the phone on the charger though. We have a padlock for our door; Elder John takes care of locking and unlocking the door and keeping the lock in a predictable place. I usually boil the eggs in the morning (and turn the heat up gradually so they don't crack). I am doing a good job of making sure all the people who we need to call during the day (follow up with things they said they'd do, schedule appointments, etc), which is good.

Love,
Sam

Hyderabad, March 23

2010-04-25T18:31:00.001-07:00

…This conversation brings to mind a conversation President Nichols and I were having about eight or nine months ago. Keep in mind he ended his career owning and managing a 300-person civil engineering firm plus all the time he spent counseling and talking to people in the Church.

We were talking about how Elder B. and I are pretty similar, except I'm way more transparent than he is. We talked about the different elders - from football-coach-personality Elder N., to skinny shy silent Elder H., to guitar-toting, laid-back Elder S., who fits to a T his first name 'Kenny', and how completely different we all were. Then he asked me, would it be fair if I demanded all of them communicate with me in the exact same manner?

Me: No, of course not President Nichols.

Him: Why not?

Me: Well, they can't change who they are just to talk to you.

Him: Then who has to change?

Me: (pause) I guess you do, President.

Him: You're exactly right, Elder Bhagwat. I have to change. If I want to have influence with each elder in Vizag, if I want them to listen to me, I can't possibly communicate with you the same way as I communicate with Elder N. or Elder H. or Elder S. And if you want to be a powerful influence for good in the world, you will have to learn too.

----------------------------

The conversation hit me because I really do want to be a powerful influence for good in the world - in my career, when I raise my family, etc. President Nichols and I have been talking about it again and again.

My dilemma, then, is that I'm most comfortable being around people like myself but if I want to be a powerful influence for good in the world I won't have that option. I certainly don't have it here.

I think it's something I'll have to work out as I go. For now, I'm really happy for the chance I am having now to develop the ability to communicate with people that are very different than me while still remaining myself.

Love,
Sam

Hyderabad, March 15

2010-03-21T18:17:00.000-07:00

Life is still going pretty well. It is definitely calmer. I'm still trying to calm down and breathe when I need to, and it's still working well. We took some time this morning and gave our apartment a thorough cleaning, including mopping the floors, which was good.

Elder Gervais and I are having some really good appointments which makes us happy. We're not always spending a lot of time teaching something. It seems, especially Elder Gervais and I, spend a lot of time building relationships. Sharing who we are, what our brains and stomachs and interests and families and likes are. In the process asking what theirs are, about their families, about their needs and desires and cares.

My previous companions have all commented that I spend more time in lessons telling about how I personally learned some principle we are teaching, than any of their other companion of theirs. And Elder Gervais does that - relating personal stories, so on and so forth -- even more than I do.

This has been the occasion of some reflection on my part. I came to the conclusion that I am a teacher, not a salesman. If I do have a product, it is myself. It is the way I treat the people we are teaching. The love I show them. The degree to which I open up to them. The intensity with which I listen to them. The way I react when they pour their heart and soul out to me.

I'm thinking of some of the people we were talking to in the last week.

A 25yo sister describing her frustration at having developed, a few years back, habits of Bible reading and prayer, and feeling peace and happiness because of this, only to gradually lose those habits. Describing her worry at her upcoming arranged marriage and decision about whether she should cancel the match or not. Her future mother-in-law, whom she's never met, was scolding her over the phone.

A 16yo kid talking about how he failed his 10th standard exams twice in a row, in oddly precise terms for a teenager, how only his sister supports him and his father drinks and smokes and his mother doesn't understand him. Another 16yo kid, as I was comparing prayer to talking to his father - interject that he only talked to his father twice a day, when he had to, with his brothers nodding. This isn't just teenage angst; they're looking to me to solve their problems.

It's also the way I treat my companion. The love I show towards him. The way we make decisions together. The way I hand the mike back and forth when we're talking. The stories we tell about our life together.

An extremely intelligent 35yo sister who works for Google was failing to find a time in her life when she committed sin (defined as not doing something you know is right, or doing something you know is wrong). I give her in painful detail a painful example of two days back when I lost my temper and snapped at Elder Gervais. How I could have reacted differently. How we sat down that night and talked about our day and I reflected on my actions and felt guilty and apologized to him and he forgave me. The way I told her how that kind of calmness was an attribute of Elder Gervais I was desperately trying to develop, giving her a genuine compliment of my companion, from the bottom of my heart. The look on my face "I'm trying to tell you something that really, really matters to me" when she interrupted me and went off on some random tangent, that convinced her to give me back the podium. (And the realization that I have the same weakness)

People will just up and tell you their life stories, and we have to figure out how to appreciate and understand them, and show them that. We have to accept them just the way they are.

An annoying part I've caught in myself is that in casual conversation I often try to figure other people instead of actually interacting with them as they are. For example, I will make a guess at what's going on and state the guess instead of actually trying to figure out what's going on in their life. Asking about details instead of what they care about. I'm turning the thing into an intellectual exercise instead of showing I actually care about them and want to know who they are. An understandable mistake for me, but one I still need to correct.

Love,
Sam

Hyderabad, March 10

2010-03-14T18:48:00.001-07:00

Life is pretty good in Hyderabad.

The main problem – if you can call it that – is that the more successful you are, the more work you have to do. For example, ten people that we’re teaching came to church on Sunday (on time; two more were late). That is really incredible – far more than any previous point in my mission, and probably due to how well Elder Gervais and I are getting along. But also it is a lot of work, because we still only have two bodies.
Right now I am over at a church member’s house. Elder Gervais is on the daughter’s laptop and I am on the computer. Actually the son Praveen will be leaving for Delhi soon – he is engaged to Elder Stephen’s sister, who lives in Delhi, and works as a cook at a fancy restaurant – and the daughter Sathyia will be going to Sunnyvale, about 20 miles from Palo Alto, where she will be pursuing her Ph.D. We came over for lunch so Praveen could show us how to make chicken biryani before he left. It was really cool so maybe I will try it on my own sometime. The ingredients seem pretty reasonable.

Yesterday we had a zone conference which was really good. A church authority came from Hong Kong to preside over the conference (they will send someone to our conferences like that about once a year or so). We thought we had to be in the city at 8:00 sharp so we set the alarm clock at 5 am and took the train into town (we had to get there 40 minutes early or be late due to train timings). I was able to take a nice nap on the couch at church though to make up for the time I didn’t get to sleep in my bed. The upside of this is that I got some time talking to the person who came – his name is Anthony Perkins – which was really neat. Actually he opened the Beijing office of McKinsey (Amrutha’s company) and definitely in the field I want to go into. He was talking how his professional career was guided by his refusal to work on Saturday and Sunday, so that he could go to church and spend time with his family, and how he got tons of heat for that. It was really interesting, and then we had a great conference, so that was good.

Well all is well and I should go so all the best, with love,
Sam

Hyderabad, February 24

2010-02-28T13:21:00.002-08:00

While last week was unusually full of stress, this week has been a lot better.
One of the things that made this week better was a visit with a brother named S. He was the one that wasn’t listening last week. Apparently, after we left his wife took him to task, and he was a much different person when we visited on Saturday. S. grew up from having nothing by lots of hard work, and he really wants to have a strong family, and especially for his son to learn the value of work.
In this context, when we were talking on Saturday he said something very thoughtful. He said that he has observed three (nonmonetary) ways he’s seen to motivate. Namely, punishment, experience, and tradition/customs. He said the first and the third don’t seem to work well in producing good results, and the second one is hard. (His son is 10 and he doesn’t want to just wait around before his son starts trying in school; he was telling us how he loses his patience and temper with his son.)
As we were discussing I mentioned that I liked his analysis but I wanted to add to it another motivating factor, namely, love. I said that as we come to understand and feel the love God has for us, it lets us develop the same kind of love for others, which can in turn motivate them for good. It was a wonderful discussion.
Srinivas is my kind of guy – thoughtful, hard-working, caring, extremely intelligent. But he’s never satisfied with life, he always feels a desire for more, usually more stuff (he’s living in a very nice house and building a bigger one) and tells us as much very frankly.
As we’ve visited him these last couple months we and he have started to notice a change in him (again, he’s frank: he’ll tell us this). He doesn’t have something that can fully satisfy him yet, but he’s started to taste of it. It’s wonderful and I’m really happy to be part of it.
With love,
Sam
PS: The weather is starting to get hot, but slowly. Hyderabad is less humid than Chennai, because it's not on the coast. That should be nice.

Hyderabad, February 9

2010-02-28T13:21:00.001-08:00

All is well in Hyderabad. I’m pretty tired because I’m exhausted because Elder Gervais and I are running around like crazy people. It isn’t so much actual teaching as coordinating schedules, planning what to teach them, calling people and confirming, calling members to come with us and confirming them, following up with the things they say they will do, following up with the members about what happened to them, following up with each other about what happened when we were on splits with different church members, etc. But we had preparation day today, a conference tomorrow, and our interviews with President Nichols on Friday, so this should be a bit of a break from all this exhaustion.

Saw Elder Tuscano today for the first time since June. I miss that guy. I've changed a lot since I saw him last. Especially learning to be comfortable around people.

I don't really know what to say except that I'm tired, but happy, because I'm tired from doing lots of work and the work seems to be successful. The other elders came here from Vizek, Rajahmundry, ec including a bunch that served in my area. One of them, Elder Hatch whom I really respect, was telling me about all the people he visited and got to know well. He was telling me about one family and their struggle with their 6yo son who hasnt really learned to speak English and is having some problems in his studies. While I knew the family superficially, I certainly did not know that problem or other important, relevant details about the lives of others with whom I interact daily. Other elders spent the time which I for whatever reason, did not, and grew close with those families.

At the end of it all, there is a sense of finiteness; of the 24 hours a day which I have, no more or less than any other human being on the earth, and the vast number of worthy things with which I can use the time and the necessity to choose a few on which to focus; the sense that I can't do it all but I can work to do my part and hope and that others do theirs.

Hope all of you are well, so with love,
Sam

Hyderabad, February 3

2010-02-07T18:32:00.002-08:00

Another week passes by like a dream.

Usually my happiness is mostly driven by events that involve other peoples’ choices – Raju deciding to give up gutkha, Michael and his family deciding to get baptized, and so forth. Right now, not much big is happening on that front, but if I could somehow control for events caused by the decisions of those we teach, this might be one of the happiest times on my mission. Last week my companion and I worked really hard and then went on splits on Saturday and Sunday, and we got so much done, so we were really happy. This is basically constant over our entire time being together which makes us more happy. Mostly we are just happy to be together and so also generally productive.

We had a baptism on Sunday, a sister named Aradhana, her boyfriend/fiancé is on a mission and coming back in June and she finally moved to the city -- for work, but mostly so she could get baptized. She was waiting to be baptized for like 3 years so was really happy that she could finally get baptized. She has already read through the entire Book of Mormon and is going through the second time and understands everything already, so it's pretty fun meeting with her but we're a little confused because we don't know what we are supposed to do.

With love,
Sam

Hyderabad, January 27

2010-02-07T18:32:00.001-08:00

January 27
These two weeks have been absolutely crazy.

I’m working harder and getting more done than possibly any point previously in the last year. Probably because Elder Gervais and I are both committed and hard-working, and Elder Gervais is big on planning and organization.

When I got on my mission, the standards were, for one week, to have about 5 lessons with people you’re teaching where a church member is present “MP = members present” and to find 5 or 6 new people to teach “NI = New Investigators”. (This doesn’t work as a system when you get whacked on the head when you’re below the targets but more of just a way to measure whether you’re being effective.)

Then they raised the standards because there were less of us, so it became 7 MP and 8 NI respectively, and everyone thought it was crazy and it would be so hard to do.

Then Elder Gervais and I, for this week, had 20 MP and 10 NI, because we split up and took church members with us all Saturday and Sunday, so there were two companionships walking around our area instead of one.

We’ve done this like the last three weeks, and now people are basically asking us to take them on splits with them. (In one case, their girlfriend is sending them text messages pumping them up about it, which is pretty funny.) And it’s way exciting. Basically, everyone wanted to be energetic and excited about missionary work. And when we showed we were energized and excited, and kept asking them to come with us, then they came with us, then they became energized and excited. An interesting life lesson, and really good now.

Other exciting events: one sister who is engaged to an Indian elder currently on a mission in New Delhi showed up at church with her fiance’s family and wants to be baptized, so we’re teaching her. She’s already came to church for three or four years on and off and knows everything, and wanted to be baptized and join the Church but didn’t live in a place where the Church is (but now she does).

So for us, we’re kind of confused because we don’t usually encounter this situation, so we don’t know what to teach. Pretty good problem to have though.

I now have a new “Wyoming Cowboys” shirt from a girl (well, woman; she’s 25) who used to be interested in my companion. She sent him a package with one shirt for him and one shirt for his companion. Funnily it should have arrived six weeks ago or so but got sent to Kakinada after he got transferred to Hyderabad. In that case, his old companion would have gotten the shirt but due to the delay it’s mine. Muahaha.

(Also, it was an opportunity for me to talk economics for 15 minutes; she sent him the package because she wanted to marry him; there’s a comparison between false romantic expectations and why recessions occur and how people can keep putting off the day of reckoning, thus making it worse…)

Elder Gervais and I were talking about some experiences we had, and we’re a little confused. Twice in a row we took church members to a family that hasn’t come to church in many years, and they kept scolding the family instead of asking why or acting based on what we figured out. (A long-ago, extremely personable elder named Moffett who got this family to start coming to church and become church members because they liked him, rather than any real converting experience.)

From what we hear, scolding people for not coming to church is also something pastors do a lot here. We think all of this is because public and private scolding of mature adults (from what we can tell) seems to occur a lot more in Indian culture than in American culture. We wonder if maybe that’s tied in with the whole joint-family power structure; a 28yo, newly married couple has far less decision-making power here than in the US.

That’s about it. I just spent 1000 rupees buying new shampoo, aftershave, sweet lassi, a journal, and other food supplies for the week, which is by far and away the most I’ve ever spent in a week. Ai-yo – at least I’ll be eating lots of eggs nuts and muesli in the next week. And hopefully next week won’t be too bad. Alas.

love,
Sam

Hyderabad, January 13

2010-01-17T17:04:00.000-08:00

Life is good. Elder Gervais and I are getting along superbly. He like me is very open and easily readable, so we can easily tell what the other person is thinking and come to a consensus, share opinions, come up with ideas.

He’s from Wyoming – Cheyenne. The second person from Wyoming I’ve lived with, I guess. He’s the coolest guy ever, really big but pretty quiet and humble. He used to spend a couple hours in the gym every day.

The initial combination of our styles, expertise, and skills, as witnessed after our weekly planning session on Monday:

Elder Gervais: “I know why I’m exhausted! I thought when I was with you I would learn how to study, but right now my brain is exhausted from you asking me so many questions (about all the people we’ve been planning for). I’m not used to it, bear with me…”
[Elder Bhagwat thinks for a minute]
Elder Bhagwat: “I know why I’m tired during personal study! (8am-9am) I thought when I was with you I would get all big and strong but right now my muscles hurt from these intense morning exercises we’re doing. I’m not used to it either, bear with me…”

Some other highlights from the week:

- We split up on Sunday, went with different church members, and got about as much done as the standard for an entire week. That was pretty cool.

- My morning diet is generally a baked cheese sandwich (we have a toaster/oven), two fried eggs, and the key ingredient – lots and lots of oregano.

- An ongoing amusing drama with a sister named Lavanya. She’s like 30 but lives on her own and has a really good job. (As you know, pretty atypical for India). When Elder Gervais talked to her first, this was the conversation opening (verbatim):
Him: “Sister, we’re coming from church. We’re sharing a message about families-”
Her: “Well, I’m single. I live alone. What’s the gameplan now?”

But apparently she got “good vibes” from us so she came to church on Sunday to meet Elder Gervais, and brought a present: two 20-rupee chocolates…and a candle, and a small statue of Jesus hanging on a cross, because she thought we did prayer like that. Really well-intentioned, we suppose. (We hope she wasn’t just elaborately flirting with him.)

And (the most important part) we had a great lesson and got to bring a 32yo single sister church member who needs friends...and the best way to get one is to be one...

Love,
Sam

Hyderabad, January 6

2010-01-17T17:02:00.002-08:00

No New Years’ celebrations – we showed our faces at our apartment block party but their retired to bed and got a good night’s sleep. I think there were lots of fireworks, they woke Elder Stephen up but I slept right through it.

It seems like just as soon as I get settled down here things get upturned. Elder Stephen and I have been working really well together; while everything isn’t perfect we seem to be consistently setting goals and achieving them – not talking on and on, alternating talking, being in and out the door in 15 minutes, finding 15 new people to teach in the week. That’s exciting, and it gives us a sense of accomplishment and helps bond us together and keep the petty feuding to a minimum. We expected to be together for the next six weeks also but it seems it is not to be – Elder Stephen is getting transferred to Kakinada, another elder named Elder Lima is getting transferred to Coimbatore, and their two companions (namely me and another elder named Elder Gervais) are getting put as companions.

The good news is that Elder Gervais is way cool. I met him a few months ago and liked trusted and respected him from the moment I started talking to him. He’s from Wyoming; he’s 23, he joined the church when he was 16 but then didn’t go to church for a while. His life experiences include being set up by his girlfriend with three huge Marines and waking up in a park dazed and confused. He is about my height but is way big and strong so about 200 or 210 pounds. I will send some photos with my new camera. I hope we get to stay together for a while.

Monday night was pretty crazy, I went with Elder Lima for the day. I’d been with him on exchange for a day before, in Chennai, back when neither of us knew anything and we were all confused and trying to figure out what to do. I really respected him then for his dedication and way of teaching by asking questions.

Now we’ve gone different paths, and crossed half of South India. But we’re in the same place again, now walking the streets of Hyderabad, this time with knowledge and confidence. We go to this family named Chinna Reddy family, who Elder Lima taught and baptized five months back. They stopped coming to church but just started coming back, and Elder Lima is saying goodbye – a goodbye that keeps getting longer and longer as they try to get him to stay. Chinna Reddy and his wife Adilaksmi are looking at my friend Elder Lima as their son. They strain their ears and English skills as he guides them on a thousand-year journey, relating the history of the Book of Mormon.

Then we took their 16yo son Dinesh and went and visited another brother we’re teaching named Prashant, also 16 years old. Dinesh and Prashant had hit it off in church and all the pieces fell into place to take Dinesh to Prashant’s house, and we were jazzed about that. They hit up a lightning-fast conversation in Telugu about their lives and their colleges, Elder Lima have no idea what’s going on, but don’t really care. Then Prashant displays maturity above his years, stops the conversation, turns to us and asks us to share something. We introduce the Book of Mormon and say we will share about it. Instantly Prashant tells us he’s had a question about it from the time he came to church. Then he spits out three more questions about the lesson I had taught the previous day in Sunday School.

It’s not what exactly the question was, or what my lesson was. It’s the way he asks the question. It’s easy to tell that he has a firm grasp of the Bible and cares about what it says and about following God’s plan. And he also was definitely paying attention during the lesson and caught a couple of the finer points I didn’t bother to emphasize. And he has a sharp mind that tries to make all the puzzle pieces fit together, and he wants them to fit because he wants it to make sense, he wants to follow the plan.

Then Dinesh pipes in with another, related, question he’s been wondering about for the last few months, about why we teach a particular principle in church (that families can be together forever) when one of Christ’s parables seems to indicate something else.

We sit back, raise our eyebrows, and compliment Prashant and Dinesh on their question. We start to answer them, when Prashant’s father Joshua (who for the record is about Baba’s height and probably weighs 20 to 50 pounds more) comes in. Joshua sits next to me, puts his arm around me and squeezes us together (Elder Lima brings out his camera and takes a photo), and tells us repeatedly, in loud tones, how happy he is that we are coming to meet his son. Then in broken English, Joshua relates the following points:

- I’m really thin and should gain some weight.
- I should marry a very fat girl. Preferably a very fat Telugu girl.
- It is possible to perform the ceremony tomorrow night.
- I could, in fact, marry one of the following four girls (he proceeds to pull photos out of his bag, of girls whose marriage he is arranging.)
- If I can’t marry one of them, I should at least come over and live at their house so his wife can feed me all the time and make me gain weight.

By this time, we are all pretty much doubled over on the floor laughing. After we finish laughing and Joshua goes into the other room, Prashant turns in a faintly embarrassed way and asks us to finish sharing, so we share something small, commit Prashant to read from the Book of Mormon, laugh, say a prayer, and go back.

I sit at the sit of the share auto as Elder Lima and Dinesh reflect about the times they’ve had together and how much they’ll miss each other. After all is said and done, I put my arm around Dinesh, promise to answer his question next time, and tell him how happy I’ve had to have people who I trust (my friend Adam, Jacob, Margaret Young, etc) that can answer my questions about what I learn in church, and how it all makes sense.

Dinesh is my dear, trusted friend’s convert. A son of God. And now Elder Lima is gone to Coimbatore and the mantle of responsibility is on my shoulders.

So that’s a day in the life-

With love,
Sam

Hyderabad, December 30

2010-01-17T17:02:00.001-08:00

I don’t have too much more exciting to say, other than Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Today there is a bund and it is our preparation day so we will go play volleyball with the church members.

Hmm…special New Years’ plans…we might be going to a party for everyone in the apartment building. The church members are having a party but we have curfew, so we won’t be able to make it. It sounds fun, but alas. We have intersections with that sometimes – we were meeting with one of our recent converts who needs friends, and some church members showed up to practice a dance routine for the talent show, and she joined in, so we were happy.

My 15-minute personal organization time is going well. The main improvement now is in the organization of my personal space. I think it will make my companion more happy with me also. I’m doing 3 sets of 100 jumps with a heavy jumprope every morning and it’s a bit tiring, which is good, I’m getting real exercise I guess.

Shortly, and with love,
Sam

Hyderabad, December 15

2009-12-20T17:01:00.000-08:00

Life is good here. The Bund (which I realized was just Hindi for ‘closed’; hit self on head, I knew that…) stopped and normal life resumed. (Also one of the other elders reminded me yesterday at zone conference that there’s a more concise way to say ‘hit self on head’, namely '::palmface::'. Just in case you need it.)

I don’t really have a lot of exciting stuff to report this week. I’m slowly growing to understand Elder Stephen and work together well with him. From my experience, the evidence is the planning and companionship study sessions that we have every day. If our relationship is good, like it is now, where we’ll sit at a desk across from each other, and our conversation will be back-and-forth like a good tennis point – I’ll throw one idea out, explain it for 15 seconds, Elder Stephen will modify it, complete it, volley it back over the net, we’ll agree move on to the next step, and I’ll be back talking and pitching another idea in a few seconds.

If the relationship isn’t working, if the trust or unity isn’t there – that’s been the case before – we end up haggling over the same small detail for endless amounts of time, or one person, usually me, is talking on and on and the other person isn’t saying anything, probably because they feel like the first person won’t listen.

I’ve been mulling over this for the last month of so, and it’s making me devote a lot of conscious attention to developing a good relationship with my companion. Not blowing up at small stuff, genuinely listening, being aware that my way of reasoning out problems in a discussion can be seen as intellectual bullying and self-justification, thinking before opening my mouth.

On careful consideration and reflection, all of these things are things I haven’t ever really learned to do well, so it’s really good that I’m learning now. It’s nearer to the surface now especially; we’re in peoples’ homes all the time, and it’s usually pretty apparent in watching their communication with each other what many problems in all the family members’ inter-relationships.

I can think of one family in Vizag we were visiting; the daughter was doing her Ph.D. equivalent on English literature written by Sri Lankan diaspora; the son and father ran some sort of a biochemical products business together and engaged in several social-entrepreneurial side projects; but the family seemed unable to communicate properly with us or each other because of their individual tendency to go on and on about the many things they knew and not listening.

I’m human. That tendency, and many others I’ve seen, I find in myself also. If I reproduce these in my companionships now, it’s unfortunate, but if I reproduce them in the family I will have one day, it would be tragic. I started paying attention to that matter about a month and a half ago; though I had no idea what to do. Slowly, I’m learning what to do and then doing it.

(I realized recently that the comparison of companionships to relationships is fairly close. For example, you refuse to admit a lot of the problems you have until it’s over, when you can look back with a greater degree of peace on the matter.)

With love,
Sam

Hyderabad, December 1

2009-12-20T16:58:00.000-08:00

The last week was good but sadly filled with annoying logistics. Basically because I was running around doing other stuff and because Baba told me not to eat the bread anyway, I ended up not picking up the package on Wednesday, and then I forgot on Thursday and my flight was on Friday morning. Elder Pritchett promised to send it to me (for whatever else you put in there – DVD of the new basement?) and even if he doesn’t throw out the pumpkin bread first I definitely will not eat it now, don’t worry.

Then I got here on Friday, but didn’t unpack because the American couple living here was going home and they wanted us to stay in their apartment until a new senior couple got visas, so we moved there on Tuesday. And on Monday we stayed inside and played chess for the afternoon because there was a strike (which, interestingly, they call a Bund) – apparently Telanganas were mad about educated Andhras and Marathis and Tamils getting preference for jobs over uneducated Telanganas.

So anyway, I’m here in Hyderabad, I really like my companion, Elder Stephen, he’s way hard working and has lots of ideas to do stuff. He lives in Delhi; his father is a copy editor at a publishing firm and he has two older sisters and a girlfriend named Katherine who writes him.

It’s a pretty interesting dynamic; like me, he’s kind of hotheaded and tends to run off and start acting on those ideas without thinking about them/talking to his companion about them first. Basically that was the source of most of my conflict with Elder Pritchett (because I did that), so I have something to learn here. Now since I’m the senior companion, it becomes my responsibility to channel our energy and ideas and enthusiasm into concrete and effective plans and logistics and such. That’s good, it is teaching me not to just run off somewhere with a random idea. And we have pretty open communication. You’ll be interested to know that his first suggestion for me was to go get some new socks, which we will be doing today.

Hyderabad is really cool; we’re basically on the outskirts in a place called Medinaguda. I’m probably going to put on a little bit of weight here; there are tons of church members and they keep inviting us over and stuffing us full with rice and daal and chappati. I’ve already been completely stuffed twice and I’ve only been here four days. Anyway, it’s really good here. I hear a lot of Hindi now, though I also hear that it is junk Hindi (not that I could tell the difference…)

Life is fine here, I’ll tell you more as it goes. Hope all is well!

Love,
Sam

Vizag, November 16

2009-12-20T16:55:00.000-08:00

Amusing stories this week were both on Monday.

Over lunch after our planning session, after Elder Pritchett and my conversation about Subash Chandar Bose (sp?) turned into a general conversation about conquering the world.

Me: The general problem with world-conquest schemes seems to be that you can't get all the territories you occupy to support you and become part of your culture.
Elder Pritchett: Hollywood!

In Raju's house, after a really good lesson. He was talking about a Catholic church he visited in Pune. Keep in mind that this in all going on in like 1988, and you know Indian cultural views about male-female relationships, and marrying Saraswathi was probably the best decision Raju ever made.

Raju: I went there with my girlfriend.
(We look at Saraswathi, since when she was his girlfriend they went and shook the Pope's hand.)
Raju: Not her. My firrrst girlfriend.
(We look quizzically at Raju.)
Raju: I would not marry to her. So she became nun.

Things have been crazy during the last week. Raju came up with 2000 rupees from his manager so he won't get kicked out of his house, and then had the strength to turn down his manager's subsequent invitation to come to the bar. He and his wife and son should be getting baptized on Sunday.

Right now, Elder Pritchett and I are kind of exhausted -- constantly worrying about and planning for them has taken a toll on us. And while worrying about them won't be over after their baptism, things are on an upswing. We had some residual concerns about their motives, and on Monday we were just asking them questions about why they were doing all these things -- coming to church, giving up coffee, tea, alcohol, gukka, etc, getting baptized. We were worried about something like 'We think God will help us with our financial problems' or 'Because we like you so much.' But then they started telling how they wanted to follow the commandments, build a stronger family, and live forever with God -- and they clearly meant it.

On Wednesday more elders are coming from Rajahmundry, a nearby city, for a conference, so we will all go on a tour of Vizag together. Then on Friday we will have the conference.

Love,
Sam

Vizag, November 10

2009-12-20T16:48:00.000-08:00

This week has gone pretty well! I’ll start with some amusing outtakes:

In church on Sunday, in one class we were reading from the manual, and everyone has varying degrees of English. One brother who had a little bit less was struggling through a long paragraph including the phrase “man’s eternal destiny.” The funny part is how the third word came out – ‘density.’ I’m sure as you’re reading this, your mind, as mine did, hearkened to the somewhat less-eternal Marty-George-Sheila-but-before-Biff-enters diner scene in Back to the Future Part I. Cue: “I am your density.”

On the way here (we have a bit of a walk to the bus stop) Elder Pritchett and I were trying a game. One person makes up and then repeats some variation on “She’ll be coming ‘round the mountain when she comes.” The other person has a couple of seconds to think of the middle two lines. Here are the two we came up with:

Elder Pritchett: “She’ll be missing all her luggage when she comes.
She’ll be missing all her luggage when she comes.”
Me: “She will only have her backpack
‘Cause her stuff’s all on the train tracks.”
Elder Pritchett: “She’ll be missing all her luggage when she comes.”

The other one:

Me: “She’ll be waiting at the diner when I come
She’ll be waiting at the diner when I come
Elder Pritchett: “She will think there’s no one finer
After I have wined and dined her.”
Me: “She’ll be waiting at the diner when I come.”

On a more eternally important note, life is kind of crazy. John, the brother who got baptized right when I got here, got fired because of office politics, got a new job, but then the firm with the new job closed down, so he was all depressed on Monday, but then we went over to his hostel on Tuesday to chat and cheered him up. Now his mind is all awhir about how he can get a new job, become a better teacher in church, etc, and that’s great to see. His friend Vasu who was set for baptism is way busy with school and isn’t lifting our calls. (John says he gets way scared and freaks out when we make an appointment and he doesn’t come and we call him, he juggles his phone and exclaims, ‘What should I do, what should I do.’ Alas.)

Raju is about to get evicted again ‘cause he’s behind on rent, but this is way different than the first time. His landlady came over when he were there and started screaming at him. This time he’s telling us, he’s like ‘Well, first wrong is mine, I am not paying,’ he’s not shouting back (last time he was according to Saraswathi “full fighting.”). He realizes he will not get his deposit back, and he has so much more peace about the matter. Worst case, there is a room we know about that belongs to a church member, and he can stay there until he gets his salary (December 24) or a commission which is coming. He’s way more happy than last time, and it’s definitely because he left tea, coffee, gukka, etc. Last time he wasn’t thinking clearly or rationally at all, and this time he’s calmly explaining that we should help him look for a new room just in case (we did), but he probably won’t have any money to move in.

Some other bad stuff happened with someone else that stressed me out a lot, but I can’t really say a lot, and it looks like it will be fine.

We were really and happy excited on Sunday also, because two new people came to church this week, a bachelor named Sammy who we met when we were visiting a recently baptized church member named Balakrishna (they live in the same hostel), and a sister named Madhavi that I think I mentioned last time. We took this wonderful couple from the branch to her house on Saturday – they rode a half an hour on their motorcycle, each way, to come with us, and then they sat with her at church and answered all her questions. It was so wonderful and she was really happy at church so we were also very happy. We’re going over there tonight, her probably-autistic sister wants us to bring American coins but we can’t seem to find any sadly…

It’s pretty cool to watch the other brother, Nageshwar, that we are preparing for baptism. He was scheduled for this Sunday and is super excited. He went to a church activity and was energetically describing how they played “telephone” – I guess it’s called “Chinese whisper” here – with ‘She sells sea shells down by the sea shore’ to illustrate the importance of explaining the scriptures clearly.

He’s having a hard time getting Sundays off so he can come to the right branch and stay for all three hours, so we talked to President Nichols and we will push his baptism back a bit. He will be very sad when we tell him though, but the next step for him (and everyone, and he’s really excited about it) is to serve in the church and that’s only really possible when he comes to the right branch. He wants to go on a mission too, though (somewhat selfishly) counting forward a year from his baptism I don’t think I will get to be his companion because I will come back first :((

So all isn’t perfect this week, but my life and Elder Pritchett’s and those we are teachings are works in progress, and they *are* progressing well.

Love,
Sam

Vizag, November 25

2009-11-25T23:28:00.000-08:00

Luckily here they have a senior couple named the Lintons, and also many local advisors to take care of all of our paperwork. Actually the Lintons are going home soon and due to a visa problem my former companion Elder Bartlett is being forced to take her role! He’s a logistical genius though and we will all be jokingly referring to him as “Sister Linton” from now on.

To describe the last week as ‘a roller-coaster ride’ would be a bit of an underestimation. On Wednesday we toured Vizag in a bus, which was fun, and in the evening I went on exchange with my companion from the MTC, Elder Diamond. It was amazing to see how much we’ve both grown since then.

On Wednesday night we got a call from Raju and Saraswathi -- the family getting ready to be baptized on Sunday -- saying that their landlord was kicking them out of their apartment.

Great.

We made a bunch of calls to the branch president and put into motion previous plans that they could stay in a room owned by a church member in Madhurawada, 45 minutes journey from their work and school and such. So we found some church members’ houses where they could store stuff and a church member who had an auto and spent from 9 am to 6pm moving them.

This was especially problematic because Raju goes way downhill mentally when he is worried about all of this, and he relapsed and took a thing of gutkha before we got there and then spent the entire afternoon begging us for permission to take “only one” even though he knew it was wrong.

They were scheduled to be interviewed for baptism but needed to leave early to get back to their new house – which didn’t have any cooking facilities, only had well water, and no toilet. To make things worse, Raju is (no insult intended Baba, just description) a Mumbai city boy, and continually referred to his new residence as a ‘village.’

Zone conference was Friday, which went really well. I learned a lot about helping people make and keep commitments.

Normally, I would be more happy and descriptive, but as soon as it was over we had to go move stuff from one church members’ house to a different church member’s, because their relations were coming and they didn’t have any room there anymore. To make matters worse, Raju and Saraswathi had about 100 rupees to their name and scarcely had money to eat, let alone get to town, and he wouldn’t get any salary for another month.

Anyway, we wake up expecting to have the interview for baptism on Saturday morning, when President Nichols tells our leaders that we need to sit down with the branch president and make a more detailed plan before anything else happened.

Up until now we had mostly been practicing seat-of-the-arm group decision making between us, Raju, and the branch president - we hadn’t actually all sat down and talked together. Raju came almost in tears because he wanted to be baptized so badly and he was afraid he couldn’t be.

When we all sat down, it was a breakthrough – the branch president committed to get Raju a bus pass and buy his groceries until he got his salary, and also move him into another more permanent place as soon as the church members found a cheap enough one. We were ecstatic, but still worried if Raju was ready to make a lifelong promise three days after he took some gutkha under stress.

Oh yeah, and meanwhile President Nichols’ assistants call me on Friday night and tell me I’m being transferred to Hyderabad, to an area called BHEL. I will be senior companion to an Indian elder from Delhi named Elder Steven that has been out six months. So I have to say goodbye to all of my converts and friends in Vizag, and Elder Pritchett. And I have no idea what’s going on with Raju and Saraswathi through all this, so I don’t tell him.

Actually when Raju was being interviewed for baptism President Nichols was interviewing me, so I get out of the interview, and see the simple note in the hand of Elder Pritchett: “We left. Don’t forget to call and cancel appointments.” In other words, Raju passed his interview, and Elder Pritchett and another elder named Elder Ward had left to Madhurawada to go interview the rest of the family.

I went into another room, jumped up and down three times in the air, and then joined the branch activity that my new temporary companion Elder Nixon was helping hold.

Then on Sunday morning, we wake up, get the white clothes ready, go teach some people, go to church, sit in church for two hours, and then pull out the family to change into baptism clothes. We all change into white apparel, wait for church to finish, take pictures – and I haven’t seen bigger smiles in awhile – start the baptism service.

First Elder Prichett steps into the freezing water and perfectly baptizes Saraswathi; next I smoothly baptize Raju and Santosh. We dry off, change back, say our goodbyes, and leave.

As we’re walking out Santosh runs after me with tears in his eyes, not sure when he will see me again.

Today morning we go over and spend 3 hours chatting, and when the auto finally arrives, half an hour moving them into their new room – with discoloured walls and floors, not the best, but for 400 rupees a month (8 dollars), not bad.

Now, it’s Saraswathi crying (about me, not the room). I bid farewell to them and hold in my own sadness as we catch a share auto back to have another farewell, lunch with a brother named Nageshwar that we’re teaching.

Life is crazy, happy, and sad all at the same time. We played football today though and I need to go shower. So farewell for this week.

Dear parents, I understand the dilemma you are in. Thank you for your loyalty and love in holding in your feelings, but please feel free to say whatever you wish to family and friends in Mumbai. This is my own decision, and I make it of my own free will. I love you and I care about you. But please understand that I wouldn’t be anywhere else for the world.

With love, your son,
Sam

Vizag, November 3

2009-11-08T14:14:00.000-08:00

Cold-wise, I’m thankfully better now.

This week was crazy. Today we spent four hours cleaning up my apartment, then we went to Pizza Hut and spent 170 rupees each for lunch. Possibly we are the only people in Vizag to have done both.

The highlight of the week was Sunday. That included: Elder Pritchett and I feeling very confused because we had 10 people we are teaching at church, including one new family, and after church was over we didn’t have anything to do because all of them found friends. In addition, the eight other people that my companions and I taught and baptized were all at church, plus a 15 year old girl church member that we got coming back to church, plus her mother, plus another person who we found who the other elders are teaching. It was a pretty visual demonstration of the fruits of our labour, and it was pretty ridiculous.

It wasn’t ridiculous simply as a “look at me, look at how much I did.” The temptation was there for me to take it that way, of course. But the happiness I felt looking around me, was more of profound gratitude for coming to church as part of a process of slowly, slowly changing into more than we are. The slow process, that I have felt, of feeling God’s love more and more and losing the desire to do wrong, the process of becoming more than just men and women built for today and tomorrow but being built for forever.

Of that slow process; dividing the class we taught in church into groups, each assigned to present one thing that can make families stronger; seeing John Prasad with his curly hair in his normal teacher persona come up, write “Better Communication” on the board, and talk with vigor and power about their group’s idea, mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters listening more to each other so they could understand each other; how it would solve the many things that drove families apart.
Walking down the street in a hurry to an appointment on Thursday, seeing a flock of four church sisters – all short, round, with vibrant laughs, full of love – serving each other by visiting each other’s houses. Exclaiming in butler English our just-invented idea, to have them come to the house of a family we had started teaching, so they could make friends with the wife. Then on Sunday, helping escort two 5 and 7yo children trying to cling in fear to their mother into primary class, and then watch a lonely 26 year old housewife Swapna sit with happiness and wonder between her new friends Varalakshmi and Nagamani.

A crazy rest of Sunday when we started teaching three new families, and two sisters of whom (they aren’t actually sisters, just both female) that we gave Books of Mormon to a few weeks back read through like 100 pages each. Asking one of them, Madhavi, why Jesus Christ was special, and having her spit back more or less verbatim a Book of Mormon verse we highlighted that said that he has felt everything we as individual humans feel, so he understands us. Seeing the look in her face that meant that was really special to her.

So: life was good this week. With happiness and love,

Sam

Vizag, October 28

2009-11-08T14:13:00.000-08:00

This week has been pretty good. Nothing as spectacular this week as last week. On Sunday a new family that we’ve been teaching came to church and seemed to like it, which was really good. We had ten different people at church that we are teaching; it was crazy looking after all of them! (We might have more, or at least different, people next week too, that new family I talked about last week.)

Other than that the most new and exciting part was yesterday, when I went on exchange with the other elders.

My old companion Elder Bartlett and his new companion Elder Nixon are training a new elder, which means they are in a triple together, and then Elder Bartlett and I switched places for a day. Elder Nixon is way comfortable in chaos – he is the kind of person who draws attention to himself, hugs everyone, makes fun of the waiters by calling them film actor names, and always has something to say. He has the knack for making certain types of people comfortable, that I don’t have, so I had the chance to learn that; and it was pretty fun, even if it was ridiculous.

For example, there were three of us, and we ended up having three different recently baptized church members, all twenty-something and male, with us by the end of the evening. Then we got dragged into a house by this semi-drunk guy who didn’t speak any English, so we were teaching him and his wife about the relevant commandment on the subject, half in case he was willing to listen, half because it had to be translated into Telugu as an excuse to review it with the church members and then make them teach him. So basically there were six twenty-something males in a house with an old guy and his wife. Told you it was kind of ridiculous.

Sadly I am a little sick at the moment, just a normal cold, I think I caught it from Elder Pritchett. It’s the first time I’ve been sick since I ate those biscuits. Other than that not much to report, so hope you’re well, and with love,

Sam

Vizag, October 21

2009-10-25T17:09:00.002-07:00

This week has been pretty good. Mainly Diwali here is like Independence Day in America, people buy lots of firecrackers and whenever we walked down the street we were apt to see small (male) children running quickly and hear loud bangs. We stayed inside on Saturday night because it was the first night of Diwali. (I wonder if Diwali is so extensively detailed on Wikipedia because lots of Indians are helping to write it?) As for actual religious celebrations we saw fewer…last religious festival time there were big tents set up everywhere recreating stories about Hindu gods and with taped recordings in Sanskrit, but I didn’t see any of that this time.
This week has been really good, mostly because a couple of really good things happened.

We’ve kept having really bad lessons with Raju, because he didn’t really want to listen, and it was the same when we went there on Saturday night. This time we went back to what we’d been telling him, which was that God was much less likely and able to help him as long as he knew he should leave tea, coffee, and gukka and didn’t. (He kept saying ‘I can do it anytime I want.’) Basically we went there and the lesson started degenerating and then he and his wife had a quick exchange in Hindi after which he said, I’ll keep it starting tomorrow.

We aren’t exactly sure what happened, if Saraswathi goaded him or what. But he kept his promise. And he already is starting to look better – more at peace, more able to listen to other people, more confident.

We looked at our record and so far we’ve visited them 24 times, which is pretty unprecedented for both Elder Pritchett and myself. Some people need a lot of love. But even as the change comes slowly to his family, it’s undeniable. We can see it in their faces.

Also, we met the most wonderful family this week.

The husband Babu stopped us on the street and we took his contact information but he didn’t really seem to speak English so we didn’t think much of it, but he gave us his address. So when we were nearby we found his house and were greeted at the door by his beautiful wife Swapna, who was overjoyed to see us. They have two small children (like 7 and 5) and Swapna deeply desired to love them, but often became frustrated when they misbehaved, and by the tone of her voice I could tell her guilt at feeling this.

They said they knew intellectually God loved their family. But in their words, and even more in their faces and the tone of their voices -- I could tell that they wondered if it was possible to feel that love.

I have felt. We tried to explain how they could too. I don’t think I’ve **ever** seen two people focused more intently on our faces and words.

These two things are probably one of the two wonderful things that have happened in awhile. And so, life is good.

And following a pattern I’ve seen in the last nine months, when life is good it rarely seems to bear any obvious relation to anything we actually did or intended to do….

Love,
Sam

Vizag, October 14

2009-10-25T17:09:00.001-07:00

The flooding is a couple hours away, the closest is in another place in Andhra called Vijaywada. We'll hear about it from other people, but there still has been very little rain here. I got soaked a couple of weeks ago, and a couple months before that, but that's it.

We're going to go play football in about an hour after e-mail, which will be cool -- I haven't really done anything athletic (besides walking everywhere) since we played football like two months ago. Last time I dropped an interception thrown right to me. Sigh.

Life continues well. The main highlight has been our recent convert, John, who brought his friend Vasu to church two weeks back. Vasu felt really good at church, really wants to stop smoking, told us this but we didn't really get to start helping him, went back to his home village, and had some dream which involved him killing people and Jesus Christ stopping him (John was translating the dream for us, I didn't really understand it fully), and now hasn't smoked for like three weeks. It was crazy. He wants to take baptism, but he's kind of uncomfortable with us so we just played caroms with him on Monday to build friendship.

Then John lost his job due to some office drama and is understandably kind of down, especially because other jobs are saying he doesn't have enough English skills. Apparently no one in the office has ethics and most of them have bad habits also, and it's really been dragging on him spiritually, so maybe it's a blessing in disguise, though we're still worrying about him because bad things happen to him when he is depressed. He might move to Hyderabad and get a call center job of some sort. If he does, I'm going to miss him a lot.

…We stopped by on Sunday [to visit a family we are working with,] and Saraswathi (the wife) was reading from the Book of Mormon storybook to her children (and also translating it into Telugu for them) and her daughter was sad because she wanted us to leave so she would keep reading to them. Which was pretty funny. Her 10yo son Santosh really loves us (or me) though so he was okay with the interruption. Saraswathi seems about ten years younger than when we first met her, even though her husband isn't changing quite as much. We're still learning how to help him change, and it's really difficult. For Elder Pritchett and I, it really involves a lot of soul-searching, complete confundment, and throwing good ideas at the wall until something sticks. The main thing that stuck this week was one time where he really wasn't listening or being rational, so we left him to fill in lists of "What I'm doing that God wants me to do," "What I'm doing that God doesn't want me to do," and came back in three hours with Elder Nielsen, and he was way more receptive and rational. Still, honestly we still don't really know what worked -- it was probably some combination of Saraswathi, self-reflection, and Elder Nielsen.

On that note, we seem to be encountering a lot of problematic Indian males right now. When we stopped by Raju's on Sunday we learned that his neighbors that we used to teach moved out. The husband was apparently jealous that his (house)wife had friends nearby and was socializing with them. She would always complain to us about her husband and make faces about him, and when we played caroms he seemed to not-jokingly describe her as 'Pakistan'. I smilingly suggested 'Sri Lanka' but he kept insisting on 'Pakistan.' (This was about the extent of our direct communication due to my lack of Telugu and his lack of English.) Meanwhile the husband's sister was staying with her because her husband kept threatening to kill her and their infant son. Basically one big happy neighborhood. I heard a quote recently that describes my situation well, to paraphrase: "My mind informs me that I lack the capability to help all the people of whom my heart requires." Alas....

Also transfer calls came and I'm staying here with Elder Pritchett for at least another six weeks. Yay!

Love,
Sam

Vizag, October 7

2009-10-11T16:32:00.001-07:00

India is going crazy over the swine flu but apparently it's not more serious that normal flu. I'm still more concerned about dying when crossing the road than getting swine flu.

This week was good. Stuff is going on, I suppose. We painted the walls on the staircase to the church and now people are spitting gukka on them again. Ai-yo. We finally tried out an idea that I'd had since I got here, loaning out marked Books of Mormon. We're doing a lot better job of explaining things clearly and concisely -- Elder Bartlett and Elder Nixon are actually making us follow the directive to keep our lessons under 45 minutes, and it's worked out well. I've figured out how to concisely write but concisely speaking is harder, especially for me.

Most importantly, Elder Pritchett and I are finally melding, really, together. Last night, I got a really invaluable insight from another elder, Elder Nixon, who I was on exchange with. He said you grow to love people as you serve them. "Of course," I thought, when he told me, but I didn't really realize it until now.

It makes total sense -- I've developed a great love for the people I teach, and also the people in India in general, but I never developed the same love for other elders, or really (to a lesser degree) the church members. And so with other elders, especially Elder Pritchett, I've probably expressed a lot more impatience, frustration, demanding attitude, stubbornness, and so forth than I should. Alas. I'm going to have to have a much more conscious attitude to serve the other elders so I can grow to love them more. As I gained that insight, I realized, even more, how much of life is a choice.

Love,
Sam

Vizag, September 30

2009-10-04T15:45:00.001-07:00

I'm a little sleepy as I write this, mostly due to a nap I took today. Not really sure if that was too good of an idea. My companion and I made chapattis today along with some prepackaged mango daal, which was the first time I've actually made them in India. Exciting.

This last week has been pretty crazy. One family we are teaching is struggling this week - they came to church but they're about to get evicted. We're trying to help them but are not allowed to give them anything Even though the family is actually in need, it's generally a bad policy to give/loan money to people joining the church (creates the wrong incentives, and a lot of jealousy), plus the conversion concerns in India. We talked to the branch president and offered an extra room that belongs to a church member, but it's a few kilometers away and they don't want to move so far (far from their children's schools and so forth). And on the spiritual side, because of this, he feels like he can't concentrate on God, and also that God isn't blessing him. He called us yesterday to tell us this, and I talked him into letting us come that day. He keeps changing his mind on everything and is basically in panic mode, which is kind of frustrating but understandable. The only peace the family has (and they recognize this) is when they come to church and meet us and read their scriptures, and thus even in worldly terms it's kind of counterproductive for them to not do that. I came with one of the mission leaders who was in town, named Elder Mehan, and we pointed this out. We're really worried about the family but we're doing our best right now, so there isn't a lot else we can do. The main problem is that so many people view blessings from God as primarily financial or other worldly things instead of other-worldly things, and this man has picked up on that. All we can do is keep committing him to repent and change, and help him see the blessings in his life. Last night we committed him to give up tea coffee and gukka (some chewing tobacco product) and tonight we will offer to start fasting with him.

Other than that, we had a really good missionary conference yesterday, about our purpose as missionaries. President Nichols pointed out that the intent that you do things determines your results (go to school to get good grades, or a good education? wed so you can get the best-looking person you can find, or so you can build an eternal family?). He pointed out that while we all generally came for good reasons (eg we knew we should, that it was the right thing to do, we saw the changes in others who went, the prophets and/or scriptures said we should), they shouldn't be the reasons we should be out now. Somewhere around 6 or 12 months out, he said, the mission starts more and more to become about the people of India and less and less about us. I was reading an essay I wrote before coming and saw that was true for me. I really feel that before, I knew from a chain of logical arguments that I should be out here, but now I really see the evidence with my own eyes and it's (started to) really sink down into my heart. There's a scripture in the Book of Mormon that "blessed are those who believe and are baptized without stubbornness of heart, without being compelled to know the word," and I really understand that more now. I had stubbornness of heart about coming out here -- though that might seem hard to imagine -- and I'm becoming less and less stubborn (eg when things are hard like changing bad habits or talking to people) which is good.

Also we found another broken family. I hope we'll be able to help.

Vizag, September 23

2009-09-27T21:15:00.001-07:00

This last week has been really, really crazy. The family that we were teaching got baptized on Sunday. Between Thursday and Sunday, we visited them five times, plus they came to church, and they still wanted us to come over on Monday for lunch (it was Anisha's 11th birthday). As my companion put it, "I'd be sick of me." By Sunday night, I about collapsed.

The other family we're focusing right now is so wonderful. It's really clear how much the Spirit is there. A lot of what we teach they will forget (or won't understand -- English problem), but they do everything we tell them to, so they feel the Spirit and start to change. For example, they've started having prayer and scripture study every night as a family. They've come to church every week, and they feel so happy there. The wife gave up tea and coffee on Sunday, though the husband is still working on tobacco, tea and coffee. It's really clear how much time stuff takes to sink into people's souls. He needs to feel the Spirit and understand the gospel enough to stop. It amazes me sometimes that the gospel of Jesus Christ has changed him as much as it has - a concrete person that I concretely know and concretely love. Even as I teach him I am amazed.

We found another wonderful family on Monday - well, the mother and the children are wonderful, but they have to hide their Bible and our meeting from the father, who is meanwhile having an affair with another woman. He used to be Christian, but something happened. We really, profoundly, don't know what to do but are praying about it.

The people that I taught and saw baptized we've all put to work on other people we're teaching -- John Prasad we took three times last week, Solomon by tonight we'll have taken him to four appointments this week, and Jerry is busy trying to help a sister we're teaching that has tons of problems. Eight people that I've taught here are now baptized. All of them come to church plus other people we're teaching, which means I have like a small posse at church. I don't know whether that's good or bad. It could make me lazy, on the other hand they all want to come with us. It does probably mean that I'll be sent somewhere else soon.

In summary, life is crazy and wonderful at the same time, which is pretty usual.

With love,
Sam

Vizag, September 16

2009-09-20T15:15:00.001-07:00

This week has been pretty good. No crazy stories like card-preparing, but pretty good. Glad you liked it!

Elder Pritchett and I are getting into a groove, which is good. It takes about a week to get into a groove with a new companion, I think. Elder Pritchett and I are getting along pretty well and also figuring out how to remedy our weaknesses, mostly that we just both are inclined to go off on tangents instead of focusing on what we need to be focusing on, especially during planning. It’s testing my focus and prioritization, but I don’t have Elder Bartlett to get me back on track anymore. I’m doing a pretty good job though and learning.

Case in point: we had this wonderful lesson on Thursday that we spent half an hour preparing our three main points, what we were going to read with the family, that went off without a hitch, and motivated the family to start reading the scriptures together. And then they reported feeling really happy as a result.

Hmm what else is new. We keep having a bunch of appointments at the church with people that are doing all right in keeping their commitments but have unpredictable schedules, so we keep sitting at the church a lot which is annoying. We also discovered that one really great family we’re teaching doesn’t actually live in the area that we’re responsible for, which is kind of sad because we have to give them to the other elders and I’ll miss them.

Elder Pritchett and I were thinking recently and we realized that most of the families that have really investigated our message are love marriages. (The Michael family in Chennai, the family we have to give to the other elders, and the Raju family, a family I’ve mentioned before that we’re teaching that is preparing to be baptized on October 18.) It’s interesting because love marriages are a small percent of the 40-50 year old Indian population, even, at least I would presume, among the people that speak English. But they are a large proportion of the people that accept our message and get baptized, in my and my companion’s experience. There are several possible explanations but we’re not sure which one is correct. Also the sample size is pretty small. Anyway, these are my recent ruminations.

Today I finally sat down to write letter to Jeremiah and Michael family, my converts in Chennai, which was really good. I’d written them a letter six weeks ago, but now I got to write them another one.

Oooh, excited that you actually saw a copy of the essay! How does it look? (Visual on the paper, I know what it says.) Also if you look an interview with Margaret Young is in the same issue. Also Elder Pritchett informs me that his family is in the same ward in Boston with the journal editor-in-chief, so his sister found my blog. Amusing. Also glad to hear I’m a little bit richer.
Glad you made the deadline for the newsletter. Our perennial experience at the Daily was missing ours, hah.

Times Square looks way better as a pedestrian zone. Is Baba’s friend Suresh the one we went to see in Kentucky. And the dress looks nice on Rachel! It’s weird to think that you made it! (And still have it, you packrat. Though I should first ask, how many dresses have you made in your life?)

Have a safe trip to Chicago, and hope you don’t suffer too much from empty nest syndrome,

Love,
Sam

Vizag, September 9

2009-09-13T15:08:00.001-07:00

My new companion is really cool. Get this: his family lived in Delhi for 3 years because his father worked for....the World Bank. (and is currently teaching development economics at Harvard.) Everybody in this mission is ridiculous. I guess it's rainy season now, but we've missed most of the downpours -- we've only gotten seriously rained on twice, but we're mostly spending time inside teaching people instead of outside finding people to teach.

Life this week was pretty low-key. We didn't go outside for a couple of days this week because the CM of Andhra Pradesh died (you might have heard) in a helicopter crash, and the government called a strike. Then was a crazy Saturday -- we ran around town to three different really important appointments, that all went really well -- Sunday we weren't able do too much, planned Monday morning, then in the afternoon it took three hours for my companion to get registered at the police station, and then we made and took a "Get Well" card to a 16yo brother in a family we're teaching, who's had a 104 fever. That one was a bit funny, the stationary shop had tons of these ridiculously elaborate friendship and birthday cards but not a single Get Well card (or a single simple card), so we bought a sheet of blue paper to write on and a couple 8 1/2 x 11s and folded an envelope out of it, wrote a note, and folded a paper boat. All done in the stationary shop -- the people who ran the shop are going to be telling the story about the two strange American customers for a while :)

By now I've gotten pretty settled in my area and I'm continually making sure that I don't get comfortable -- eg, not shying away but saying hi to people that I don't know at church (because I should know them by now). Neither of us really like to talk on the telephone which will either be disastrous or a great learning opportunity - we'll try to make it the latter. We're still getting used to each other's teaching styles - Elder Pritchett has a very thoughtful way of speaking which involves pauses while he thinks. But all is well.

Today we walked up the hills just behind our house, it was pretty fun. When we got to the top we could see a lot of Vizag (probably 5-6 kms radius). It's way more pretty than suburban America, there's way more variety in building styles and so forth. Then we were tired so we went back to our house and slept for half an hour.

With love,
Sam

Vizag, September 2

2009-09-06T15:29:00.000-07:00

Life’s been really good since last time I e-mailed. The most major development is that I’m getting a new companion – Elder Bartlett is becoming zone leader, which means that he’s responsible for all of us in Vizag, which means he’s shifting across the city to be companions with the other zone leader. His name is Elder Pritchett, everyone tells me he’s a good hardworking smart elder, he’s arriving on Friday from Bangalore, and that’s all I know about him. I will miss Elder Bartlett though, he and I are like the same person except he’s less openly emotional than me.

The rest of the trip in Hyderabad was good. We were going around this place called Charminar and looking around at a lot of really old cool Muslim architecture. Then Elder Bartlett and I went back to Secunderabad with this really cool auto driver – he is a manager at ICICI Bank and drives autos as a “time pass.” So he gave us a partial tour of Hyderabad for meter fare. And he got to test his English on Americans. So all three of us were happy.
The conference there was really good – it was on how to work with members and build trust. He was telling us how things were supposed to be, which they aren’t pretty much anywhere in India. Then he said something really interesting – if we take the things we learn say “well it doesn’t work this way here, Hmmpf,” that was the exactly wrong thing to do – instead we should pick one thing to improve and work on it.

What else is new. One crazy situation is looking way better than we were afraid of, which made my whole week. Another one will probably change for the better or worse really soon, so we’re waiting on it.

Not much is new and exciting. Elder Bartlett and I got like a full week’s work done in three days last week, which was pretty cool. We met a shopkeeper at one of those corner cool drink/snack shops who, to pass the time, does flight booking on a desktop at the shop. It was pretty funny.

Love,
Sam

Vizag, August 26

2009-08-30T17:50:00.000-07:00

Life was way way crazy this week. Right now we’re in Hyderabad for a conference – every missionary in Andhra Pradesh is together now, which is like half the mission. So I get to see a bunch of people from Chennai that I haven’t seen for a while, which is nice. Also more important, I get to hear about all of the people we were teaching in Chennai and also about Elder Tuscano. I know a decent amount of elders now, which is nice but not really high on my list of priorities.

I heard some of the sweetest words I’ve heard in six months, on Saturday: “We were waiting for the right elders.” That was from a wonderful couple, named Jonas and Asha, from the branch, that we’ve taken with us for the last few Saturday nights to the best family we’re teaching.

The wife’s aunt and her two daughters have been coming to church for the last two years, but Jonas and Asha were waiting for elders they knew and really trusted to teach their family. So on Saturday they told us about their family, and on Monday we came with them and met them, and now we’re helping them to prepare for their baptism in about a month. It’s really cool.

My days are so full of events though – that happened Saturday evening, and by the time we got back to our apartment I had forgotten another notable event that had happened that day. We met a brother named Raju, whose family we were teaching, who loved us so much (reciprocally also), but who had gone out of station for the last month to Karnataka, who came back on leave for his job and who we met for half an hour. He was very touched to meet us and vice versa, especially when I gave him a letter I had written that morning. (With my love for him, a bit of my testimony, and some things to read, to give him some answers to deeply felt questions about why there is suffering in the world.) A couple of tears dripped down my face. When I got back that night it felt like two or three days had gone by because so much meaningful stuff had happened.

Elder Bartlett and I are doing so well together – we’re on the same page all the time, and we’ll complete each other’s sentences and thoughts when we’re teaching. I’m afraid he’ll get transferred somewhere else (we’ll know on Monday or Tuesday) but there’s not much I can do about it if that happens.

Another thing making us happy is continuing to see the fruits of our labor. The entire branch got reorganized yesterday (people got released from their current responsibilities and accepted different ones), and now two of our converts here are teaching the young men, one is teaching the children, and the two 13 year olds have moved out of being with the Primary children to being with the young men. (Which they are kind of sad about because they will miss all the drawing and colouring activities. Alas.)

Also I’m learning valuable parenting skills – Elder Bartlett and I have really been practicing this last month at expressing our heartfelt disappointment when the people we’re teaching don’t keep their commitments - fail to come to church when they said they would, or read the scriptures, and so on. Usually it works pretty well, especially when we show them that we love them, for example by customizing their scriptures we assign them and giving them personal application questions. Eg, our disappointment is most heartfelt and also most effective when we work hard at preparing something that will help them and they don’t do it. Though also we learned that the most important time to follow up with people is when they do what you asked, when they’re willing to try what you said out – then you have to congratulate and sincerely thank them. I could probably have told you what to do in abstract a month ago, but we’ve been doing pretty well at actually doing it which is awesome and really helping me be a more developed and effective in doing good.

Happily, in the branch I’m getting a reputation as an elder who really loves the people I’m teaching and who works hard, which is really good. I like that, and now I just need to make sure it continues to be true. Also everyone comments on my laugh, they really like it. It’s really funny to hear a 15yo girl tell you that she really loves the way you laugh.

Basically this is all a list of good things and so as you might expect, I’m really happy.

Terawaktha, with challa prema (means, later, with much love)

Sam

Vizag, August 19

2009-08-23T14:06:00.000-07:00

Things are as always, moving. Right now we’re spending a lot of time on the streets finding new people to teach, as we’re stopping visiting a lot of the people we’re teaching now. The process is probably pretty similar to picking students to mentor – if they don’t make the effort to try out the things you suggest and look for a change in their lives, project, work, whatever, then you move on and find somebody else, even if they enjoy meeting with you. Anyway, so I’m a bit more tired than usual from walking around the streets all day but happy. We know our area like the back of our hand now.

Also, it’s pretty cool, I am getting to see the results of my effort in such a short time. Now the sister we taught who got baptized is teaching Primary children and one brother we taught who got baptized is teaching the young men and the other one we’re taking with us to help us teach. And the two 13 year old boys we taught who got baptized will be passing the sacrament soon.

It’s an interesting problem actually – once we’re in the same place for a while and see the results of our effort, our next challenge is to avoid complacency and keep working hard.

That’s about it. Life is good. Terawakta, with challa prema,
Sam

This is Elder Bhagwat, Elder Tuscano (one of his companions in Chennai), and a young man they taught who was later baptized.

Vizag, August 12

2009-08-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

The other elders woke up from the earthquake, apparently there was some shaking for like 30 seconds here in some parts of the city but nothing big. Elder Bartlett and I stayed sound asleep. Also our area is, at closest, six or eight miles away from the ocean.

(If it makes you feel any better, in the future, if there ever was a tsunami warning, and somehow we didn’t hear about it from other people in the mission organization, we’d hear about it from every other person we talked to on the street.)

Our apartment is a twenty or thirty minute commute away from the places we go to proselyte, so usually we only eat breakfast and a light dinner there, except for lunch on Sundays (because we don't go to restuarants), Monday (because we're in our apartment in the morning planning for the week, and Wednesday (preparation day, so mornings in the apartment again). Mostly we just eat biscuits at home, and occasionally grilled cheese or rice with daal or palak paneer (we cook the rice and buy the other stuff pre-cooked at the supermarket).

Actually the main problem this week wasn't tsunamis or earthquakes, it was biscuits -- I ate some bad ones. They weren't past their expiration date and we bought them at the supermarket, but I still spent a lot of Friday night throwing them up. So I slept in Saturday morning and then took a while getting back to sorts -- during which Elder Bartlett decided that he also wanted to have body pain and headaches. Kind of funny in retrospect, not too fun at the time, but still a good week. And now we're back to normal.

Some amusing incidents this week:
Boy (seeing us): Namaskaramu!
Me: I’m heard Namaskar, I’ve heard Namaskaram, but this is the first time I’ve heard Namaskaramu.
Elder Bartlett: Maybe his father was a cow.
Me: (quizzical look) (finally, gets it.) Laugh.
We just went up to Kailasgiri, a hill park overlooking the beach today, which was pretty fun.
This last week the main event was our two baptisms, which went well. Elder Bartlett performed one and the branch president performed the other one, so I stayed dry Sunday. The sister we were teaching who got baptized on July 12 is already teaching Primary children, which is pretty cool to see. It means the fruits of our labor are already bearing fruit.
Another funny incident revolving around statistics. We have a bunch of statistics like number of people we’re teaching at church, all of which are used because they predict baptisms. But sometimes they’re misleading:
Me: Uh-oh, we’re really going to have to work on getting “investigators [people we’re teaching] at church,” we’re losing both ones this week.
Elder Bartlett: Yeah, we’re baptizing them!
Last week was also really cool because our weekly missionary meeting was really really good, and we learned a lot of things. (How to follow up with people to get them to keep their commitments, and also giving them short scripture reading assignments where they can easily apply the things they learn, instead of long passages where they get confused.)
Then, in our studies every morning, we worked on applying the things we learned and trying them out. Already we can see a difference – the people we’re teaching love this new approach. It’s pretty cool to move from hearing the idea to brainstorming to implementation to seeing the results so quickly – especially when you can see the results in the smiles of the faces of people you’re teaching.
We’ll be going to Hyderabad briefly in a couple of weeks for conference, which should be pretty cool. I will miss everyone we’re teaching but it will be really cool to see some elders I haven’t seen for a while. When I got here I was way confused by all of the new faces but now I have a pretty good idea who is who, which is nice, I suppose. Really I don’t really care that much about knowing who is who, beyond the people who are in the same city as me at the moment, President and Sister Nichols, and a couple of close friends and people I really respect. But it’s along the line of ‘good to know your colleagues.’
One elder that was living in the same apartment as me, who finished his mission three months ago, is married already! It was pretty funny just because he was telling the whole apartment his thoughts, trying to decide whether to marry her or not, and then he left and I didn’t hear anything about him for three months, and then I saw his wedding invitation and now he’s married. Information flow here is pretty limited, which is fine, and it creates some amusing incidents like the above. My trainer (first companion) Elder Glade is coming back to Vizag tomorrow with his family, so I should get to see him on Sunday! I’m excited about that.

That's most of the things that are new and exciting from this side. So until next week-

Love,
Sam

Vizag, August 5

2009-08-09T18:14:00.001-07:00

We're having two baptisms this weke so we are way excited about that. ALso the people being baptized are way excited. A funny story follows.

One of them, a 19yo brother named Solomon, we met because his friend John introduced us. The previous elders found John Prasad and he was baptized the first week we were in Vizek. Well John got busy and he was there two or three times when we met Solomon but mostly we started developing a friendship and started bringing other branch members to introduce to Solomon and so on. Finally John went out of station for 10 days to his native place. Solomon's cell phone was stolen by a thief on the bus while he was sleeping, and we forgot to tell Solomon what was happening. Also John and Solomon used to stay in the same hostel but then they moved. Meanwhile Solomon is way excited about getting baptized, and everything. But he has no idea where his friend is. So I won't soon forget the plaintive tone in his voice at the end of one lesson when he asked, "Brother, where is my friend John?" Happily John came back and they had a happy reunion Monday night.

I told you a while ago about the two elders who came and stayed with us for a conference, who were telling us about how when they got there nothing was going on (previous elders had accomplished little to nothing) and how with energy enthusiasm and lots of crazy monster stickers they turned things around and also got people way excited.

We were way excited but it's like when anyone tells you their success story - you think "Well how much of that was chance, how much of that is reproducible, even if it is reproducible can *I* do it?"

But on Saturday we held an activity for the branch here we showed people how to teach lessons. Tons of times we will take 18 to 25 year olds with us (here, that's most of the branch) but they won't really know how to teach. It just reinforces the weird semi-priest-like status elders have in India, which isn't good in the first place. But a bunch of people came, and we did a demo and then gosh darn it, they sat down in the chair and we made them practice themselves. It was way good and people really liked it. We did the same thing earlier with a 25yo brother named Sreenu, who'd been with the elders tons of times before but never taught, he just testified (means, said, I know the things the elders said are true, because I've seen it in my life, etc.) And today morning he called us and said, I have vacation, can I come with you? And we had to tell him no, it's preparation day we don't have anything for you to do.

Love
Sam

Vizag, July 30

2009-08-04T13:42:00.001-07:00

My birthday came and went with very little occasion, which I didn’t really mind. The only occasion was that I had a bit of a fever, was moving around at about 70% speed, and was feeling lightheaded when I stood up. I thought I would be fine but then wasn’t so we went to the church and then I pulled out some chairs and slept for an hour.

Things are going really well here. Something I noticed last week that I failed to notice before. A lot of things don’t work here, for example people are supposed to go home teaching (every church member should be visited once monthly by another church member) but they don’t. (They do in the U.S., by and large.) Or in the U.S., fathers will almost always fulfil ecclesiastical duties like baptizing their own children when they turn 8, or give them blessings when they need it, instead of asking elders. And there are plenty of other examples.

It’s really easy to get frustrated when things aren’t working the way they’re supposed to. Especially when you know the way things are supposed to work. And especially when other people have committed to do what you know they need to. This applies to organizational stuff as well as people we’re teaching that commit to do stuff or other elders or (more difficult to admit) myself.

Anyway I’ve become a lot more calm and peaceful and able to handle problems when I change my view. More and more (means at least, say, 15 percent now as opposed to like 5 percent before, hah) I’m able to view this stuff not as problems to be fixed but as the result of people and organizations who know true principles but only apply them partially, not completely.

The problem is, people who don’t do things the way they need to be done, because the people are still learning, do still cause real problems that cause real harm to real people or damage things of real importance. I’m still trying to figure out how to emotionally balance kneejerk anger and frustration from that real harm and the patience that will let me help myself, other elders and church members around me, and those I teach.

Anyway, on Saturday we’re holding a training showing members how to teach in lessons, which should be good on that front, and is also the reason I’ve been thinking about that.

We’ve been so crazy busy, today and tomorrow we’re booked solid and we’re actually splitting up and going with members in the evening to cover all the people we need to teach. By now we can basically find our way around the area – like if we need to find an address we take a reasonable amount of time, if we go meet a family who hasn’t come to church in a while who has friends in the branch again, I’ll know who they are. It’s pretty cool. And I also speak/understand enough Telugu to figure out what’s going on a decent amount of the time (plus Elder Bartlett is teaching me about body language which I’m really bad at reading).

Love
Sam

Vizag, July 22

2009-07-25T07:25:00.001-07:00

Well, more of the usual is going around me at the moment, shouting and shooting and other sounds coming from the best and brightest of India’s youth wasting their time playing Counterstrike, a first-person shooter game.
This week has been pretty good. It calmed down a bit from last week since there isn’t anyone we’re preparing for baptism. Transfer calls came, but I’m staying in Vizek in my current area for the next six weeks and probably more than that.
I started and taped up my fifth planner today. Since I’m only going to have sixteen, this means I’m a quarter done and that was a bit weird. The time is really starting to fly, and I can’t believe I’m sitting in front of the computer again.

Funny moments from the last week: from a family we met.

Me: Hey so what are your hobbies Lemuel (a 16yo boy).
(silence)
Christobel (mother, extremely friendly and talkative): He keeps writing music
Lemuel to me and his mother: No, I’m *mixing* music. (as if the distinction was obvious to his mother). Hindi music is boring so I mix it with Western songs.

Right now I’m trying to learn how to be more obviously sad when people fail to do what they say they will. We’re supposed to be devastated when that happens, and I usually fall short of ‘devastated’ both internally and (especially) externally. (Or I get angry, annoyed, or frustrated, which isn’t the correct reaction; people should be doing this for themselves not for me) I know this will be really helpful later (especially as a parent), as well as essential for helping people improve now. Elder Bartlett is doing a pretty good job and he’s showing me.

We had a really interesting lesson on Saturday. Elder Glade (my first companion) taught me how to cut people off if they’re going on long, irrelevant rambles or side tangents – talk louder than them, don’t stop, and do it kindly. Still I’ve never been very good at it and I tend to lose my patience (especially if their long rambling is preceded by not listening), which isn’t good. But we went in pretty convinced that the father of the family was going to spend the whole time going on about his favorite topic, and we were able to keep it under control and on topic, which was nice.

You’d be amazed to see my new planner. On the Notes/To Do section at the beginning of the week, I have about five different lists of people we need to teach, things we need to commit them to do, church members we want to take with us, how we’re going to help get people to church, people we need to contact. Elder Bartlett and I had a really amazing planning session on Monday where we went through what we had to do in a very methodical manner and didn’t get distracted or on to irrelevant side tangents at all. Then none of the four appointments we had that day went through. Such is life sometimes.

Right now, as usual, my life is revolving around all of these people, especially a few who we’re focusing on, and my happiness is tracking their ups and downs. Those people are: this 23yo Nepali guy named Amit who wants to get baptized in about a month but will have to overcome a chewing tobacco addiction first, another 13yo boy named Banu Prakash whose family is church members but there might be some legal problems for him getting baptized – long story, and a 19yo biology student named Solomon who knows the Bible like the back of his hand but (as far as we can tell) never really took to churches before. Now Solomon is coming to piano class and English class and getting to know all the 19 and 20yo church members who hang out in the church in their spare time.

For example: Tonight we’re taking Jerry, the 18yo girl who got baptized last week and is way way excited about everything we teach, to go be friends with a 20yo girl named Sravanti – we’re teaching her whole family and she wants to come to church but she’s afraid she won’t know anyone. Then we’ll take an older married couple (means 26yo and 24yo – that’s old in church here) over on Saturday, and then plop Sravanti between them in church. We planned this all out a couple weeks ago and slowly abstract goals like ‘get Sravanti fellowship’ are becoming names dates and concrete plans, which makes me really happy. The same thing is happening for most of the people we’re teaching, (though as usual it takes a little more time than you planned it to), so overall I’m really happy at the moment.
Sam

Vizag, July 15

2009-07-25T07:15:00.000-07:00

This week was hectic and crazy but absolutely awesome. Mostly because it was so busy – we had two baptisms on Sunday, which means tons and tons of logistics and last-minute preparation. It was totally worth it though, we were so happy to watch it. I didn’t baptize anyone, which is actually better because you have a kind of bond with people you baptize. And I won’t be here forever so I prefer that someone else have that bond.
I did receive your package of shirts. Thanks! It was actually just in time! They did construction on the road last week and broke our pipe, so we’ve been dealing with some hassles and haven’t had any clean municipal water for a week and a half. Luckily that was all resolved yesterday, but in the meantime we only have well water which makes our white shirts dirtier than they started. So I haven’t had to wash any shirts because I’ve just been wearing the ones you sent. Also I found this great whitener stuff called Vanish. So I should be fine on shirts for the rest of the two years.
I was looking at the calendar, and realized I’ve been out for six months! Kind of crazy. But really, I feel comfortable out here. Whatever I want to accomplish, I only have three-quarters of the time I started with. That’s the moral of the story of life, I suppose.
Met this really interesting/weird guy named Mohammed. He’s been seven different religions in his life, starting with being a Hindu (Brahmnin caste), including a couple different kinds of Christian, and now obviously he’s Muslim. His 20 year old son was sitting in the room, making a Mickey Mouse wallpaper on the computer and ignoring us. I wondered what he thought about his father. Especially because he’s had to change his name a few times in the process.
On Monday we sat down and made detailed plans for everyone we’re teaching, who’s going to bring them to church, when we’re going to teach them, who we’re going to bring, and what baptismal dates we’ll invite them to be baptized on. So I have like six lists on that tiny piece of paper in my planner, and *gasp* I’m using it! It’s so helpful and the week is going so well. We’re busy all day every day.
A miracle happened a couple weeks ago, we met this awesome guy on the bus (perfect English, got a bachelor's in theology and went to do ministrry in Nepal), taught him from Jesus Christ's Earthly Ministry to Book of Mormon in 5 minutes on the bus, got off and I had written down his phone number wrong. I was devastated, my companion said all we can do is pray. I didn't even do that. **The next day**, we met him at his bus stop; we were traveling with an investigator to his in-laws' house, on the same bus, so we got to have another 30 minute conversation. We're teaching him and his wife and he's still awesome, he read the Introduction to the Book of Mormon after finishing 3 Nephi 11.

People are just opening their doors to us left and right it's ridiculous. We don't have any time to go finding after getting 7, 15, 16, 7 new investigators sequentially by week and still we're getting more. We're still trying to pick up old people the previous elders taught two or three months back, because of that we'll probably get 10 or 12 new investigators.

We've been here only a month, and we started with days that were almost all finding and now we're booked all day every day. We only have one person with a baptismal date right now but we have plans to invite about 10 or 15 people soon, so we should be picking up more. The branch president jokingly complained to us on Sunday, "What? Why aren't you having any baptisms next week?" to which my response was "Because we'll be having two the week after that!" (One from the other companionship)
Hope you're well; I certainly am.
Sam

Vizag, July 8

2009-07-12T23:45:00.000-07:00

Things have been so busy over here. We've been having five appointments every day, and we're hardly going to have time to teach all the people we're teaching now. On Monday, when we were planning we made a list of six groups of people who we should focus on, and then wrote plans for the other fifteen groups we're also actively teaching. Plus quite a few others too. Some of them we meet multiple times a week. It's really amazing how much I can organize and keep in my mind when I plan it all out.

It's amazing how young some girls get married here - we visited a couple of families where the wife was married at 15; the 27yo guy I mentioned last week's mother is 40; and a couple other cases also. Elder Bartlett and I were talking about that and we realized that many times there isn't the same concept of adolescence here -- or at least, it exists mostly in the more educated, wealthy class of society. (Also, we don't really talk to anyone else -- we can't, because they don't speak English). So we figured there were both upsides (in my honest opinion having a class of teenagers that don't add any value to society is not good for society) and downsides to that.

Our companionship went on exchange with the companionship that is 'in charge' of all of us in Vizek, called the zone leaders. That meant I got to spend some time with Elder Prasad, who is from Bangalore. We played some chess when we got back to the apartment (I won) and went around together for the day. It was really cool, he's got a really funny style of doing things. (Like when your typical devil-may-care 20yo guy told him that he didn't really care what his purpose in life was or what happened after death, he just kept being like, 'You can live a hundred years?')

Otherwise things are going really well. We have two baptisms on Sunday, the 17yo girl, named Jerry, and a 12yo boy John who's been coming to church for a couple of years. (His parents and family go to a different church but started sending him here because they liked the children's program.) Both of them are really awesome - Jerry is really sharp and John has a way good understanding for his age.

I'm really liking being here in Vizag -- the church community is very close-knit and there are always people hanging out at the church for programs (English, choir, piano, games, young adult classes) or simply hanging out and playing caroms and socializing. As I learn who's who I really feel like I'm grafted into a community, rather than forging relationships with a jumbled together group of individuals.

There are a ton of way cool people that we met -- a way humble guy who got a degree in theology and was an evangelist in Nepal for a few years until he got typhoid fever, and now works as a public relations officer for a charity. John Prasad's friend who is doing his undergraduate in biotech, John's parents who love us so much but can't communicate with us, this cool 8-member family who told us at least three times in very definite terms that they'd come to church at 1:30 (it starts at 2pm; they didn't come), a 40yo accountant for a construction firm with a family, he's a quiet guy but really loves us.

We had testimony meeting last Sunday and that was mostly in Telugu. Still pretty good though even if I didn't know what was going on. It was also a pretty interesting exercise in group dynamics, a lot of people who spoke in Telugu could speak in English but (like most people in India who speak English) are a bit insecure about their English and so when the people before them speak in Telugu they talk in Telugu also.

Anyway that's about it, I am happy and busy and ready for the next week!

Love,
Sam

Vizag, June 30

2009-07-05T15:13:00.001-07:00

I am doing very well. People here are so curious. Basically every male under the age of 16 wants to know where we are from and what we are doing which is pretty funny. (This is less true in Chennai, there are tons of Koreans there and also a decent amount of white people.)
The last couple of days have been pretty neat – we had a conference, and elders came from other parts of Andhra. Two of them stayed in my apartment – Elder Talk, a really cool but quiet Navajo kid who goes to Harvard, and Elder Schellenberg, a brash loud funny hard-working kid from Utah. Then we got to be with them and take them around the area, so I got to meet and learn from someone new, which was really good for me. I always like that. Elder Bartlett and I are becoming a lot more unified and on the same page in everything we do, which is good. (Imagine myself and a clone.) We are visiting and teaching a 12 year old kid who has been coming to church for a couple years, and it’s really fun both teaching him (and learning how to) as well as being in his house and meeting all the neighbours. Other than that we are teaching mainly a very excited 17yo girl who’s been coming to church for a while, and a 28yo guy who was baptized a couple weeks ago, plus a ton of new people (we found 14 new people last week that we are meeting, some of them are really cool, I’ll tell you about them next week.)
Also I had to give a presentation in our weekly meeting about teaching simply, which was interesting. I did a practice where we had to teach using only six-or-less word sentences. I’m decent with doing that but I could stand to improve. Really my brain is slowly starting to produce more understandable output for my mouth, which is nice.
I’m also learning to be better at communicating with others in different locales – in the last two weeks I wrote three letters to families in Chennai. A past version of myself would have simply forgotten about them.
I’m not sure exactly what the temperatures are, with Google Weather you have a better objective idea of them than myself. Elder Bartlett and I are doing well though, we have turned down the AC under the theory that we’ll sweat less if we get used to the heat more and it seems to be working. (Though the current cut today for a couple hours, which happens two or three times a week while we’re at home.)
That’s about all new and exciting on the week. Teravaktha!
Sam

Vizag, June 23

2009-06-28T23:06:00.000-07:00

Another week in Vizag, and things are starting to settle down.
This wonderful brother named John Prasad that we inherited from the previous missionaries got baptized this Sunday. That was pretty exciting, it was the climax of our week. Right now we’re helping a lot of people dealing with adversity; we seem to be teaching the same lesson over and over again. I’m not that good at being a friend to someone in need. That’s because, I realized, my style of advice is to calmly reason from first principles, instead of giving the direct advice first and the reasoning later, which is what they need. I really feel like I’m growing in empathy though, as well as in ability to give aid. Also – and most importantly – the people we’re teaching are starting to get a handle on their problems.
I don’t have a lot more to say so I’ll include some Telugu phrases I’ve picked up:
Samaselu = problem
Laydu = not there
Chappendee = tell me (command, respectful)
Puchondee = sit down (command, respectful)
Ninchondee = stand up (command, respectfully)
Teravaktha = after/next time
Munchi = good
Challa = Many/very/much
Santosh = Happiness
Pramadamu = Dangerous
For example, the 1.5yo niece of one brother Kiran is challa pramadamu and leaving a home I will point to myself and say challa santoshm, teravaktha. All the aunties love you so much and laugh so much when you talk in Telugu.
Until next week!
Sam

Vizag, June 17

2009-06-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

I'm in my new locale at the moment, with my new companion, Elder Bartlett, who basically is a carbon copy of myself except that he's more organized. He was assigned to the office to manage records (this is a big job -- for example, every week the office receives 11 baptismal records) and in his down time wrote a 15-page manual for future office elders. He's a few months younger than me but is almost done with college, due to being homeschooled and then starting at Utah State at 15. And if you thought I was skinny – he’s 5’8” and 110 lbs. We're getting along great.

Vizag is a pretty neat city. I was in the heart of Chennai, and this is a lot more spread out. Often, you can only see 4 or 5 people when walking on a residential street, instead of 40 or 50. We live about 15 minutes by bus to the edge of our area and 30 minutes to the church, which is in the center of the places we go around. Tons of people here speak English, which is good. We only have a vague idea of directions at the moment, because we’re both new to the area, but that hasn’t been a problem so far.

The other interesting thing is that my old native companion, Elder Siyyadri, finished his two years and went home to the branch I’m serving in now. So now I see him once or twice a week, which is unheard of for old companions.

With love,
Sam

Chennai, June 10

2009-06-14T13:40:00.001-07:00

This week has been a bit crazy. I learned on Saturday night that I would be leaving Chennai and moving to Vishakaputnam (sp?) on Friday. I haven’t packed yet, but we’ve been running around seeing people for the last time.
I’m really going to miss my companion Elder Tuscano. We hit it off when we met at the airport and we’ve really become good friends. And no, you don’t automatically become friends when you spend twenty-four hours a day together; this hasn’t happened to me, but rumor has it that this can be pretty frustrating sometimes :--) Lately I’ve been learning a lot from him about how to interact with people. One big lesson is about how to be, in his terms, ‘chill’ and ‘real’. Elder Tuscano really (and obviously cares about people – he always tries to figure them out. What makes this person tick? The way he puts it is ‘I’m afraid of silence’, but he’s always asking them about themselves and trying to understand them better. He knows how to start conversations. With me, I’ll just let things slip into silence because I don’t know what to say. He’s really taught me a lot about being more interactive, and really it just makes life a lot more fun. It makes every day into an adventure, like, who are we going to meet today? What weird stories are we going to hear? What cool people are we going to meet?
(The coolest story this last week comes from Jeremiah, who Elder Tuscano baptized on Sunday. Apparently, in his home village in Assam, they would hunt zebras with homemade guns, and then it took 8 men to carry the zebra back to the village. Also he’s eaten lion.)
Anyway, because of that aspect of his personality, I’ve had a ton of fun with Elder Tuscano. Hopefully I’ll be able to carry the things I learned with me. I really hope so. My next companion is named Elder Bartlett. I think his father is doing a Ph.D. in business at Stanford, but I might be mistaking him for someone else. He has been in the mission office in Bangalore for about as long as I’ve been in Chennai. Apparently he was born with a computer in his hand. We’ll be doing what’s called a whitewash – when both missionaries serving in an area leave and two new missionaries come into the area. So we’ll definitely get lost a lot and stuff, it should be interesting. I just hope we don’t lose anyone.
We have a lunch appointment to run to, but next week I’ll be sure to tell you what VIzek is like.
Love,
Sam

Chennai, June 3

2009-06-07T13:46:00.001-07:00

This week has been pretty crazy.

Elder Tuscano and I learned an interesting lesson that Baba has probably learned with his students. That, unless the people we teach take time to do the activities we ask them to, they will never learn, understand or internalize anything we say. Eg, we're wasting our time.

Sunday was the most crazy day - we were so busy visiting people that we didn't eat anything between breakfast and 8pm, at our last appointment of the day (who fed us). And we were traveling around with or in our suits the whole day after church. It was definitely worth it though.

This week we've been visiting a lot of people with big problems. There's one guy with substance and alcohol addictions who we were visiting, who we thought had interest to change, but doesn't really, so that was pretty sad. (We were inside talking to his wife and he was outside playing caroms.) Other people with substance problems. One church member who was basically doing for his father what the nurses did for Ajee - his father just died though, so we'll probably go over there later today. A couple of fathers who have returned from abroad to their wives and children who can't find a job and don't know what to do. Trying to help them help themselves, when the problems are way over our heads, is a real learning experience.

Probably the best line I heard was from one of the other elders about someone they are visiting. This guy is very large but quiet, really smart and fairly nerdy, we played Hangman on the train to Bangalore: "We need to give him a very firm commitment to take his medication all of the time we come instead of just some of the time. 'I promise you that as you seek psychiatric care...' "

Also a really interesting experience has been, every week, setting goals. Now I'm not much of a goal-setter, but I've really started to come around. Recently Elder Tuscano and I have started setting performance goals for the week that make us stretch - and then basically achieving them! It's something that hasn't really happened up to now (or when it has, I haven't really felt a part of it that much). But it's really cool and exciting.

Sam

Chennai, May 27

2009-05-31T10:06:00.001-07:00

Life has been well for the last week over here. Things have been going very well. We were able to get a lot of things done, meet a lot of new families as well as a bunch of bachelors from Kerala living together. It's always amazing getting to know new people, their lives and challenges. The guys from Kerala are really interesting, they couldn't find work in their native place so they came to Chennai and found a job working in this cell phone company mostly dealing with prank callers. They spend their time watching the one English channel they get as they don't speak Tamil. It's an odd combination of youthful fun, resignedness at having to work, missing their families, and general lack of purpose. Also with another guy of the same age, who we feel like finally understands his general hunger for happiness and/or trusts us enough to share with us. All of them look to America (to move there or recreate it), and they're never sure for what -- they miss something, and they blame it on India and her problems.

The families we met are another story -- I'm sure we'll find out about them more in time. We get to know people our age quickly. Families' struggles and problems and hopes and fears, you are only able to observe them (or they share them) slowly, unless they are really obvious like substance addiction. Or like another young family that we'll be trying to help recently, who have a basketful of problems like that.

I have to get to know people really quickly, so I'm really learning to ask questions and actually listen and observe instead of think about what I'm going to say next. Various elders have different styles of doing this, and developing my own is a learning process. It's kind of hard to describe, I try to let them talk and tell me about themselves first. Elder Tuscano is more of an outgoing guy so he chats more than I do in doing that.

One or two stories.

Yesterday we were in the house of a brother (all males here are referred to as brothers; females as sisters) named Prakash. Prakash is a drunkard who probably beats his wife and (while drunk) was telling us how he was contemplating suicide. We were thinking of just leaving, because he was obviously drunk, when he started talking. All the sudden my companion starts reasoning with him. It was crazy, I was playing "Tough Love With Drunk Guy" -- and learning how to do that -- and my companion just starts reasoning with this guy about his 1.5 year old son. He gets this guy to say that he needs to set a better example for his son. We get him to realize he needs the tools to end his fighting with his wife, we tell him we've got them and will come back on Sunday to teach him. So we'll go back and tell him about how faith, repentance, and baptism can make him a new man and change him. We walk out and look at each other. My companion says he has no idea why he did that, the Spirit just helped him remember something we both read. I resolve to be more attuned to listening to the Spirit, waiting for it, something I've already learned a lot.
Another story that is really the same story repeated four times, that will probably repeat itself a few more times in the next two years. We meet a guy in his early 20's, who speaks good English so is working in a pretty good job, who finds some satisfaction in life but doesn't really know why he is alive.

LDS have a deep belief that living morally and faithfully on earth is not simply an emulative process of praising God but actually part of a slow, gradual process of deification, really becoming like God or Jesus Christ. So we tell them that.

Before, they don't really know who God is, even though some (2/4) have been raised Christian, they just see God as some force driving them on, supporting them, some mysterious life force (which is basically just Hinduism). They recognize the everyday importance of learning and growing, and the existence of challenges and struggles -- so we explain the deep, eternal significance thereof. How the actual sufferings of a human being -- Jesus, the Christ -- can lift the barriers from their life and help them in this path, if they choose to accept the help. And then I open my heart further, letting them change my own life more. A concrete example: as you know, for twenty years of my life I have been comfortable with high levels of absentmindedness and low levels of awareness. Slowly, that is beginning to change.

Chennai, May 6

2009-05-10T10:59:00.000-07:00

Life over here is pretty well. I am so so so excited to be with Elder Tuscano.
Elder Glade was a great trainer and I learned a lot from Elder Siyyadri but
Elder Tuscano and I are really on the same page and get along so well. Work
hard, walk fast, prepare and plan hard, love the people and never, ever, ever
stop thinking about them, trying to help them, and trying to be a better
servant.

A lot of things are going on as usual, but hard to distill it to an e-mail. We
met this wonderful 20yo guy named Joshua who we had two great lessons with, but
who is now going to his native place for two years to study and be with his sick
grandmother. That's probably what's best for him and her, but as I said
to Elder Tuscano walking away from the house, "And sometimes life
sucks." One big thing I'm learning is patience and humility - right now
most of the people we're teaching are progressing, but slowly, so I have to
learn to love them and not get frustrated; we'll go and bring a brother from
church over for a lesson, and all of our time will be taken up in chatting,
which is good but not what we planned, so I must have the humility to
emotionally accept a good result than wasn't because of *my* plan.

Sam

Chennai, April 30

2009-05-10T10:58:00.000-07:00

Mmm, what’s new and exciting. Each Wednesday seems to come so soon. Our lives
are lived in six-week intervals called transfers; each missionary planner is six
weeks long. I just finished my second one, which means I’ve been in Chennai
twelve weeks. Amazing.

It’s really amazing how much you learn in that time period. The constant
battle is to keep trying to improve, to avoid slipping into complacency. I could
teach most of the lessons in my sleep, but they wouldn’t be very exciting.
Right now I’m focusing essentially on my social skills, to show that I
genuinely care about the people we’re teaching. Elder Siyyadri is teaching me
a lot about this, which is very helpful. One of the members – a native,
long-time church member who served a mission 20 years ago – called it
‘working smart, not working hard.’ (Because building greater friendship and
trust with the people you’re already teaching is a lot easier and more
time-effective that walking the streets and finding twice as many people to
teach.)

We had a family come to church this last week that really loves us and the
church services and our message (and dislikes their church). Their only problem
is that when they came to our church their pastor called them and asked why they
weren’t at church. All they need now is to find out for themselves that our
message is true – otherwise, joining is just church-hopping. They have the
desire so they will probably continue to progress quickly. We are going to bring
the husband of our recently-baptized family over to their house tomorrow, it
will be the first time we’ve brought him with us which is exciting.

The main problem is that people are far more likely to give commitments in
India (or generally to LDS missionaries?) than keep them. From what we
understand, this is a combination of having just met us, Indian culture of
don’t-offend-guests-in-your-house, and that we are asking them to do new
things – coming to (a different) church, reading a new book, praying in a
possibly different manner. We planned for everyone who told us they would come
– four families, two bachelors, and maybe two others. Of those people, one
family and one bachelor came to church. Apparently you get used to this but I
still find it rather frustrating. I suppose I will just have to work on making
stronger commitments.

The heat notwithstanding, we’re all pretty happy because in Chennai we had 14
baptisms this month, which is about as many as we had the whole beginning of the
year. Basically there’s a sequence of events which usually happen in a
particular order, for them to get baptized – first, you find them, then you
get a return appointment (which means they get counted as a ‘New
Investigator’) then you teach them, hopefully when bringing members along with
you (which counts as ‘Member Present Lessons’), then they come to church and
get counted as ‘At Sacrament Meeting’, keep other commandments and get
counted as a ‘Progressing Investigator’, and sooner or later you invite them
to be baptized on a certain date (if it’s better, with the caveat that once
they know our message is true), and they get counted as ‘With a Date,’ and
then they get baptized.

During each stage in this sequence of events some people will lose interest
and fall out of the sieve, or they will gradually become converted and
eventually get baptized (with some odd exceptions). Our current situation right
now is that we baptized Michael and his family, another of our main families
lost interest, and we’re working on moving the ton of people we have through
the funnel, while using our little spare time to find more people and go visit
less-active families and recent converts.

One thing I'm trying to figure out now is whether people have a 'time-clock' on them,
ie whether if they don't really gain interest by a certain time they will start to give up and lose interest. I think so, but it depends a lot on the person - for example, one of our investigators wasn't keeping any of his commitments like reading the Book of Mormon but recognized that he needed to repent so it wasn't a problem. Other people didn't keep their commitments, but after a couple of visits decided (or seemed to - sometimes we couldn't tell) that they had nothing new to learn from us. The relevant problem that I'm worried about is this: if you can't get them to keep commitments initially, will they as a result not be getting real spiritual nourishment and so give up quickly? (And so you don't get a second chance to get them to keep commitments?)

Sam

Chennai, April 22

2009-04-26T21:07:00.001-07:00

Well, I’m still here, alive, well, etc. It’s always hard condensing weeks
filled with alternate joy, frustration, rejection, new opportunities, and such
into a few words summary, but ‘all right’ is pretty descriptive. Someone
once said that this work is like having ten children. On any given week five are
being good children – doing all their homework, studying, staying out of
trouble – and five aren’t. But normally if you have children, it’s pretty
consistent who the good ones are. Not so here, it always keeps switching up.
Some of the people we’re teaching are busy or out of station, a couple that
used to be pretty good are becoming less interested, and a couple that we
didn’t think were too interested are warming up.

The family that Elder Glade and I baptized is still doing awesome, we brought
over a senior American couple that is in Chennai helping all of us out, and the
lesson went wonderfully. Probably the best lesson I’ve ever been a part of.
They are going to start holding family home evenings, having one night a week
where they all do some activity or game together, switch off their cellphones
for the night, etc. That makes everything else worth it. We are meeting them
again on Friday and bringing over a sister from the branch named Zeetha that is
Hemalatha’s visiting teacher; once a month, Zeetha and a companion will visit
Hemalatha and make sure she’s doing all right and share a message.

Yesterday I went on exchange with a really cool elder named Elder Singh, also a
half-Indian convert who grew up in Reno. He was a lot of fun to spend the day
with and I learned a lot. Normally he’s companions with Elder Diamond, who was
my companion in the MTC. We door-knocked into this drunk Christian guy, who’s
been drinking since he lost his job as a driver five months ago. By coincidence or
miracle, Elder Singh was visiting a less-active American church member two days
ago, and asked if he needed anything, and the American guy said, not unless you
know any drivers. So we let them know about each other and hopefully something
will work out. Before we left he said he saw Christ through us. We’re going to
keep teaching the guy about quitting drinking – he wants to, and needs to,
especially for his wife and daughter’s sake – and otherwise helping him.
We’re glad to help him find a job and quit drinking and we’d love to teach
him but we just need to be careful of ‘converting' here, so we’ll be cautious on the teaching part.

Don’t know what else is new and exciting. We’re trying to get people to
keep their commitments this week, we’re teaching tons of people but only one
came to church (though we had several promises). Basically we are going to
emphasize that they need to make more effort to learn for themselves if our
message is true, also get church members to sit with them and/or bring them.
Simply put, it’s hard to get people to do things, but I’m really learning
how. This is like learning chess – I’m building pattern recognition. When
I’m playing chess I don’t need to consciously count points anymore, that’s
intuitive. Similarly, a lot of situations now I’ll know basically what to do
– teach, commit them, ask questions, or whatever – and can focus more on the
details. Of course, there are still a lot times where I’m out of my league –
like with the drunk guy, I asked questions, but Elder Singh was like ‘You know
you need to quit. You know it’s the right thing to do’ and that was way more
effective than asking questions.

I don't really mind the heat. You just get used to it. And laugh at how
sweaty you are. And drink lots of water (and buttermilk, which my native
companion introduced me to).

love,
Sam

Chennai, April 15

2009-04-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

Well another week is gone. Life is pretty well, nothing nearly as new or
exciting to report as last week. We had a conference with everyone in Chennai
(President Nichols came) and then there was General Conference, which is a
churchwide conference, video-d in from Salt Lake twice yearly for ten hours over
two days. Our schedules are getting pretty busy, honestly I’m not sure how
we’re going to have time to teach all the people we’re currently teaching.
Not much to complain about really 

Met a pretty interesting woman on Monday, her name is Salima*. Muslim background, as you can
probably guess, and 11 years ago she married her husband Jonathan, a love
marriage. She had to go to the police to ensure her safety, and she hasn’t
talked to them in 10 years. I knew she had a Muslim background but didn’t
think too deeply, Elder Siyyadri asked her. Her husband just got back from Dubai
and she’s so happy, we just went to check up uplift her (we read some
scriptures about family) and encourage her to come to church. She won’t come, we
think because of her Muslim background, it’s already un-kosher for women in
India to come with out their husbands, let alone a woman with Muslim traditions. Six
months ago during the last churchwide videoconference a pair of elders got her
to come by stopping by and hiring two autos (one for them and one for her and
her 8year-old daughter). I was pretty amused when I heard that.

Also met an interesting guy named Swaroop we’re teaching, he’s in real
estate and complains at length about how corrupt India is, but declares it’s
his country and he won’t go to America or let his children go (he’s had the
chance).

Also I’m learning how much of this work is just understanding people, getting
to know and genuinely care about them, and showing that. Part of that is making
inferences from what you know and what they tell you – like I knew the
love-marriage/Muslim background with Salima but I didn’t think too deeply. Or
another guy we’re teaching - 25year-old, only child, father expired, lives with mom
who works 60 hour weeks. We’ve seen him playing with the nearby children, but
the building he’s living in isn’t really one with his density. Of course –
he’s lonely! My companion realized this, I didn’t. Other families I’ve
been able to figure things out though, which is good. I’m getting better. One
of the things that inspires me is how genuinely empathetic President Nichols is
– he says it’s something he’s learned over time as he’s met tons and
tons of people (he was a bishop, then a stake president, with the role of
supervising 8 or so wards and their bishops, now this).

Not much else to report. With love,

Sam

*Editor's Note: Name has been changed.